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Christmas

From present ideas to party food, find all your Christmas inspiration here.

Original poster

How do I say I want nothing?

90 replies

kowari · 30/11/2020 07:17

Too late for this year but thinking of next. I've tried saying 'Nothing', 'Please don't get me anything', 'There's nothing I need' and 'I'd prefer to just buy for the children'. I'm happy to buy small presents for adults who enjoy getting presents, but if stopping meant they'd stop for me then I'd do that. I've tried suggesting foodbank, this is ignored.

Like many, I've had a difficult year, yet my expressed wishes are being completely disregarded again. I like Christmas, I just don't want anything.

OP posts:
WishingHopingThinkingPraying · 30/11/2020 07:21

Do you really need to be so awkward? It's a normal human custom. Why not think if something you could bear to accept as a gift and just say thanks?

Surely you could cope with another pair of gloves or a mixing bowl or whatever you'd actually use?

Butterflyfluff · 30/11/2020 07:23

Why is it being awkward not to want gifts?

If they buy you something then you have to buy them something and it often ends up in reciprocal unwanted stuff being exchanged

Why are some adults so insistent on giving other adults more stuff?

Original poster
kowari · 30/11/2020 07:26

That's the problem. I have everything I need so another would not be used. I accept, say thanks, then most things end up at the charity shop within the year. I declutter as a coping mechanism when I am stressed, my family know this.

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midgebabe · 30/11/2020 07:30

Consumables is the only answer. Soap and chocolate.

I am stressing as DD has said she doesn't want anything, but if we don't concoct a story of something then the whole family will be bullying me for months

itsgettingweird · 30/11/2020 07:31

The whole point of a gift is it's something someone chooses to get for someone else.

If someone gifts you something you do t want then you can make a decision to donate it.

Steezy · 30/11/2020 07:33

@WishingHopingThinkingPraying

Do you really need to be so awkward? It's a normal human custom. Why not think if something you could bear to accept as a gift and just say thanks?

Surely you could cope with another pair of gloves or a mixing bowl or whatever you'd actually use?

It's not awkward to not want anything and you are the sort of person OP is describing.
OldBalls · 30/11/2020 07:33

I would lovr it if you were a close member with this mentality.
I was heavily reading and watching all things minimalist and zero waste.
Basically the advice is to take the bull by its horns.
As early as October send out an email.
If you google how yo say no to gifts this year you will see many blog posts about this with even suggestions on the wording
One of them is here
reducereuserenewblog.com/nogiftsplease/

Original poster
kowari · 30/11/2020 07:35

I've tried chocolate but I only like 85% or higher, any supermarket bar will do. Anything else ends up in the foodbank box as it's usually dark but too sweet and DS won't eat dark chocolate. I got a Christmas cake one year but I wouldn't want more than a few food items. The foodbank doesn't really want Christmas food in January do they?

OP posts:
Original poster
kowari · 30/11/2020 07:36

Thanks for the link OldBalls

OP posts:
Labobo · 30/11/2020 07:37

You could ask for toiletries that you could then give to food bank. Ask for nice bubble baths and shower gels.

Are there any practical things for the house that need updating - new mugs or tea towels etc?

Original poster
kowari · 30/11/2020 07:47

That's a good idea about things I could donate Labobo.

I don't update household things until they are worn out or I've broken too many. There's only two of us and we have ten mugs already! There's really nothing I need.

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Twilightstarbright · 30/11/2020 07:51

I'd ask for biscuits/chocolate and toiletry gift sets and know I could donate them to a foodbank. I sympathize, we successfully managed to get it down to buying just for the children but it's crept back in again.

I wouldn't mind if it was genuine thoughtful gifts, but me buying £50 worth of stuff on someone's Amazon wishlist and them doing the same feels daft!

PurBal · 30/11/2020 07:56

I hate being given stuff at Christmas too. I don't have space. I don't need it. Last year I made this clear and ended up with a food hamper. Which was ok, but there was still a bunch of stuff I didn't want (the liquor chocolates were one thing, set of coasters another and went straight to the charity shop)

trappedsincesundaymorn · 30/11/2020 08:02

@WishingHopingThinkingPraying

Do you really need to be so awkward? It's a normal human custom. Why not think if something you could bear to accept as a gift and just say thanks?

Surely you could cope with another pair of gloves or a mixing bowl or whatever you'd actually use?

So if somebody said to you that they didn't want anything, you'd ignore them and buy something anyway? Why?
GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 30/11/2020 08:03

After I’d made an extravagant purchase a couple of years ago I told dh not to buy me anything (except the usual chocolates) - there was nothing I really wanted or needed anyway.

However I suspected (or rather knew) that he would buy something anyway, so I went and did a big shop just for the food bank, gave him the receipt, and told him that was his Christmas present to me.
It did work.

Apple31419 · 30/11/2020 08:05

Commenting as I'm interested in this too. I live a lifestyle which means I don't have much stuff. Despite asking repeatedly. Then I get upset from having to dispose of it, I feel bad. And it's not always that easy to give it to charity or back to the shops.

BefuddledPerson · 30/11/2020 08:07

I also hate getting gifts as we need nothing. I always ask for cooking ingredients e.g. more expensive spices than I would usually get, or expensive flour.

Then the person who can't emotionally cope with not buying something is happy and I just buy less on my food shops.

Basically it's the same as not drinking - those who do want to exchange tat gifts have to push it on everyone else.

Oxyiz · 30/11/2020 08:12

Sorry if this isn't helpful (and of course in an ideal world you should be able to just say "nothing" and that's that) - but what about asking for a list of charity gifts? You could then say the thing that would help you most is email updates throughout the year from the charities about "your goat/dog/donkey/toilet" etc as a tangible "gift" which keeps giving? (You can block the emails).

That or ask for things which you know for a fact would be welcomed elsewhere - a new duvet could go to the local refuge etc? A food hamper which can go to food bank?

RedskyAtnight · 30/11/2020 08:16

As shown by this thread, some people are incapable of understanding "please don't buy me anything, I genuinely would prefer it if you gave me nothing". I used to think that a gift was for the benefit of the recipient, however in a lot of people's minds this isn't the case - they want to give you something and don't care whether the recipient actually wants it or not.

I've tried for years to say "please don't get me anything". My DH now knows that I actually mean this. Everyone else says "of course I must get you something". I find it stressful to receive things I don't want, that I have to pretend to be appreciative about and then spend time getting rid of later. It is the very opposite of "the nice thing" that getting a gift is meant to be.

I've had some success diverting people down the chocolates/wine/restaurant voucher route, so that might be your better option/

MaverickDanger · 30/11/2020 08:21

I get it - I’ve had similar with family overstepping boundaries around presents for a new baby.

My mum has hoarding tendencies but I declutter when stressed & like minimalist things. I’ve compromised by asking for a short list of consumables, normally specific foods, toiletries (mainly bath products or skincare) and Kindle vouchers.

If she gives me anything above that, I give it back to her to return.

Original poster
kowari · 30/11/2020 08:26

It is the very opposite of "the nice thing" that getting a gift is meant to be.
Exactly. I've been told that a large object will be delivered to my address this week. Never mind that I will be at work and there is nowhere to safely leave it. It is something I have specifically said I don't want but the giver thinks I should have, and it has sent me into a spiral of depression when I had been doing much better.

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Moonsbury · 30/11/2020 08:38

I agree with so much of this.
Having a gift you really don't want brings so much anxiety. The guilt of not using it, or gifting it onwards just feels like such a waste of someone else's money.
I think some of the problem is that 'stuff' is so cheap these days- most of the things we need or want we buy for ourselves so when it comes to gift receiving there's nothing else we would be truly massively grateful for. It also means we're so frivolous when choosing gifts. ' O it's only a tenner, so I'll get this , annnnnd something else' and you end up with even more crap.

NRE20 · 30/11/2020 08:44

If no one will listen to you about not getting you a gift, could you ask for a membership to something, like The National Trust, or RHS? Then there’s nothing to store other than a membership card. Another thing my family and I do is secret Santa, so we don’t buy lots of presents for everyone and we’ve also agreed to meals out or weekends/day trips away, where we pay for ourselves, but it’s a gift to each other, to spend quality time together.

trappedsincesundaymorn · 30/11/2020 08:48

People who insist on buying unwanted gifts are just selfish IMO. They either buy it in the hope of getting something back, or because it brings them joy. If they wanted to make the other person happy then they would just respect their wish not to buy anything.

OldBalls · 30/11/2020 08:52

I must admit i'm guilty of gifting a person who explicitly said they dont want anything. I still gave them homemade food because I was really touched by something they said that helped me with a personal issue. I just felt so grateful to them and wanted to express that. I wasn't into minimalism or as consumerism conscious and aware back then..i cringe that i did that but when you know better you do better as they say.