Poncetastic 2020

[VivaJen]

I came on looking for the annual thread but can't find it so here is the start (courtesy of Fellatio - wherever you are)

OK, first of all, I know it's still September by we need to start this thread now because as you all know, having a truly Poncetastic Christmas involves precision planning, strategy, bravery, heroics, and frequently martyrdom. A bit like the war in Afghanistan, only with nicer food and sparkly shoes.

So, if you, like me, actually want to make the next twelve weeks of your life a misery by hand-crafting your cards, finding a huge bucket for Nigella's turkey in brine, pickling pears, shrivelling oranges in a low oven for those rustic au naturel decorations, dragging half a holly bush back from the woods, and just generally being a smug annoying jobsworth ponce, join me on this thread.

Feel free to post photos of previous tree-trimming, cake icing or table centrepiece triumphs, discuss this year's bauble colour themes, debate the merits of Delia versus Gordon, road-test a selection of canapes and cocktails, (all in the line of duty) and link to lovely inspirational photos/craft ideas for a truly Poncetastic Christmas.

Warning: If your idea of a good Christmas involves Pizza, ITV, gravy granules or anything with 'Aunt Bessies' on the packet, this is not the thread for you".

May I ask for your best and idiot-proof Christmas cake recipes, please, if someone has a moment spare?

Ooh, I'm always late to this thread; so pleased to have spotted it early this year!

I'm 3/4 done with gift buying, stocking fillers, and advent calendar fillers already. Have repaired my advent calendar and stocking too 🙄, plan to wrap the small bits this coming week then I have oooooodles of time for poncing!

Dd1 suggested pink and purple decs this year so will be trawling Pinterest for diy ideas.

I'm buying booze to soak the fruit for my cakes this week & we'll make them over October half term...if we get that far.

I think I fancy having a go at making my own stuffing this year if anyone has a fairly simple recipe that freezes well.

Stained glass biscuits are a must again, they turned out well last year. @TrickyD the Fox's glacier fruits/mints worked really well last year if I remember rightly!

We bashed them up quite finely so if you just want one colour "glass", bash them up one colour at a time. Let the biscuits cool on the tray before you move them so the melty sugar doesn't dribble. & don't overfill the cut out bit, a little goes a long way and any excess bubbles over onto the biscuit.

I've been waiting for this! I jump on every year under various MN names.

Currently waiting for the M&S Christmas food to drop so I can have a peek and see what DH and I agree to treat ourselves to this year.

I almost forgot; I found a set of four festive cushion fronts in my stash of fabric the other day, just need some cotton to make backs so I'll order that over the next week or two.

& I think I saw the makings of a fabric busy book or similar in there which might make a nice gift for my friend's almost 1yo dd.

Not sure what to make the other two girls I usually make something for yet. I'm sure inspiration will hit at some point!

Oh wow those sausage rolls look amazing! Can I stay if I promise to eschew the Dominos in favour of some hand crafted artisan sausage rolls?

They taste good too, @MarkRuffaloCrumble! (Clearly they needed testing!)

This looks lovely. But I fear that there's no point poncing - we are a family of 6 and no one other than my non poncy tack'n'tinsel loving immediate family will be there to see.

How old @lucysmam ?

Crayon rolls or make up bags? Bunting? A pyjama case?

I make my own stuffing but I eyeball it. Soften chopped onions in a knob of butter. Add breadcrumbs (I freeze crusts and blitz them into crumbs periodically) and a beaten egg. Add thyme, a fair bit of dried sage, salt and pepper and mix together. I add sausage meat (I usually use the inside of sausages). I pack it into a loaf tin and then bake until the top is golden. Wrap in double layers of tin foil when it's cool and freeze. It will also form into stuffing balls - cook, cool and freeze well wrapped up.

Defrost thoroughly and reheat in a hot oven until piping hot.

@orchidsonabudget I ponce and there are just the 5 of us and we always have Christmas on our own.

A bit of greenery poncing and plenty of food poncing.

@TheWoollybacksWife they're both 11 at Christmas but one still in primary and one year 7 so maybe something different each this year. Although name bunting appeals; but I'm not particularly good at applique so maybe not.

Felt letters with iron on wunderweb to stick them to the bunts

Oooh, good idea! I'll have a scroll of Pinterest for ideas for bunting in the morning too.

Just wanted to say hello.
Foliage ideas - a wreath or swag or keep it simple with greenery in vases. Here are some little vintageish glass vases from charity shops with little green bits in used as table decorations. Pic a bit dark but hopefully you’ll get the idea if the tree doesn’t confuse things.

@Trumpton, I'm in Italy and though the temperature has dropped, we are still far from autumnal. Would you recommend me leaving the paperwhites till later? I'm wondering where I'd find a cold place initially. My hyacinths I don't mind so much when they come (very eclectic they can be) because I do them for the scent and nostalgia but I want my paperwhites for around the 20th. Last year I did them mid November and half had been and gone and half came in January

@TheSeedsOfADream
I start mine mid November and they always bloom over Christmas . Have a look at the info I linked to ^^
See if it helps, ask me more if you want but I am not an expert I just bumble through .

@Canklesforankles those little vases look gorgeous! What a lovely idea.

For stuffing we usually make a one with fresh sage, onion and pork. It is fine- just guess the quantities as someone said above. Spare sage leaves can be wrapped in with your sausages and bacon.

My favourite is dried cranberries and grated orange peel in with pork stuffing. So nice. But again we just buy a pack of plain pork stuffing and throw it all together.

Thanks for the stained glass tips. I think my eldest will love it.

Thanks for the stuffing tips - I'll have a test run next weekend to go with a roast dinner (I'd do it today but not sure about beef & stuffing 🤔)

I do 2 types of stuffing, one traditional onion, sage, breadcrumbs and loads of butter in a tin for Christmas I add chopped chestnuts . One meaty : fry smoked streaky bacon, loads of grated onion, add some dry fruits like sultanas and cranberries and a grated apple. Let this cool down and tip it in some sausagemeat. Form balls and wrap in more streaky bacon.
I usually freeze it at this point. Then the day before you are going to use it defrost and on the day bake till golden.

I've started saving jars to make Christmas displays and candle holders. Can anyone recommend good paint or frosting for them?

So glad to see this thread back! I love to ponce. Last year we made and painted trees from pallets I'd collected, and handmade a bunch of fabric baubles, so as that's already done I'll be mainly food poncing this year.

That said, I've bought all the gifts now and am going to be using fabric to wrap this year in the interests of the environment, so I'll be making fabric wraps out of materials I'll pick up in numerous charity shops, which I'm very excited to do.

Ooh this thread is exciting! I have definite poncetastic tendencies but usually lack the time, money & energy. This year the wildling's old enough to start getting Christmas properly, so it's gonna be the sparkliest, thrillingest, poncetasticest (still budget) Christmas i can create.

I make several stuffing loaves for Christmas. I used breadcrumbs, dried mixed herbs, onions fried off in bacon fat and sausage meat. Mix it all together and cook it in a loaf tin.

Can I join you for ponce voyuerism? Mentally I am a poncer but suffer from a combination of ineptitude, full time work, four kids and a house too messy to decorate in any meaningful way.

@Trumpton I love the sound of the narcissi in hurricane lamps. Do you have a photo you'd be happy to share and any tips please? I'm thinking of going this for my mum.