Poncetastic 2020

[VivaJen]

I came on looking for the annual thread but can't find it so here is the start (courtesy of Fellatio - wherever you are)

OK, first of all, I know it's still September by we need to start this thread now because as you all know, having a truly Poncetastic Christmas involves precision planning, strategy, bravery, heroics, and frequently martyrdom. A bit like the war in Afghanistan, only with nicer food and sparkly shoes.

So, if you, like me, actually want to make the next twelve weeks of your life a misery by hand-crafting your cards, finding a huge bucket for Nigella's turkey in brine, pickling pears, shrivelling oranges in a low oven for those rustic au naturel decorations, dragging half a holly bush back from the woods, and just generally being a smug annoying jobsworth ponce, join me on this thread.

Feel free to post photos of previous tree-trimming, cake icing or table centrepiece triumphs, discuss this year's bauble colour themes, debate the merits of Delia versus Gordon, road-test a selection of canapes and cocktails, (all in the line of duty) and link to lovely inspirational photos/craft ideas for a truly Poncetastic Christmas.

Warning: If your idea of a good Christmas involves Pizza, ITV, gravy granules or anything with 'Aunt Bessies' on the packet, this is not the thread for you".

I make trifle with bought Madeira cake i the base, one large tin of fruit cocktail in juice and one tin of mandarin orange segments in juice for the fruit layer (use some of the juice to soak into the cake) and then make the custard layer. I do this with custard powder, and half full cream milk, half double cream; and sugar. It tastes just like M&S luxury custard in tubs. Then top with whipped cream layer and decorate as you wish. I usually reserve some mandarin orange segments and cherry halves from the fruit cocktail.

The embossed rolling pin I got didn't really work very well, it was wooden one from amazon.

Oh thank you so much @TheWoollybacksWife and also @lucysmam! I'm extremely new to embroidery so it's a nice boost to my confidence to hear positive things about it.

Have ordered some royal stewart tartan winceyette to make the baby's stocking out of, and am now dithering between green velvet or white faux fur for the trim.

I'm a lurker but do have a question about sloe gin...
Sorry if this has been mentioned already and I've missed it but to those who have collected their sloes already - I always thought you must only pick sloes after the first frost, is this correct or even necessary?

Thank you - wonderful thread.

Stick the sloes in the freezer for a few days . I think the idea is to burst the skins to save pricking them .
@PooterLoop

My, usually bah-humbug, friend seems to be embracing Christmas early this year she's busily crocheting me some gnomes for the mantlepiece/tree/wherever they may end up

@didireallysaythat my trifle is a modification of mil’s 70s-tastic sherry trifle. I use trifle sponge or lady fingers as the base (it needs to be quite dry or it will end up soggy) and add tinned fruit (whatever you like is fine, but you need a bit of bite in there. pears are good for this). I make up raspberry jelly using the syrup from a tin of cherries with a couple of spoonfuls of brandy and pour it over the sponge and fruit and leave to set. I’m a big fan of making my own custard but dh loves an enormous trifle that he can eat for days, so I generally use birds powder instead to reduce the chance of food poisoning and I make it thicker than usual so that it sets (about the consistency of petit filous). Whipped cream goes on before serving with the obligatory crumbled Cadbury’s flake.

I’m sure there are many more sophisticated versions but christmas would be ruined in our house

@lakesidewinter oh those were the ones I was looking at. They had a load of different designs on a Facebook advert but I was reluctant to buy from there. Thanks for saving me some money!

@MrsLeclerc @lakesidewinter Seconded! I was looking at the reindeer one and also the floral design one, but will look elsewhere now.

Tablescape this year is going to be a natural theme. I’ve just found some beautiful small log slices to etch our names in to as place settings. Thinking red berry candles, pine and eucalyptus and small lights along the length of the table?

Is it too early to wrap yet?

I'm making tea light holders from jars for the garden but we live in quite a windy area

Is there a way to stop the candles blowing out? Holes in the lids rather than just lidless maybe?

I'd really appreciate any tips

Those battery operated candles would work best. We use them at Halloween and Christmas.

Loving this thread! Does anyone have any ideas for decorating these? I'm going to string them from garlands and probably put some on the tree too.

Finally got time this year (only job hunt positive) ordered some quinces and I'm making quince paste today.
It's only for me so only ordered 1 kg (although they sent me almost 2)
Haven't cooked this in years hopefully will be fine

@SistemaAddict of course! Why didn't I think of that?

As the kids would say, I'm such a noob

We have some pillar candles but I am too much of a Scrooge to let them burn down so I just burn them until there is a hollow just big enough to hold a battery tealight. You can see it here but when the candle is up in its place you can’t see the false one.

The little soft book for my friend's dd is almost done; I need to hand stitch it into it's covers tonight & tidy up the area where it's all sewn together. I think I might try my luck with my machine for security but not sure whether it'll sew so many layers (it did 8 this morning but it felt like I was pushing my luck a bit)

Our trifle is usually a black forest stylee... So a layer of trifle sponges with black cherries soaked in Kirsch, then a layer of (shop bought) fresh custard, topped with softly whipped cream and dark chocolate shavings.

I did successfully make custard for Sunday lunch yesterday, so I might up the ponce factor this year and make the custard and possibly the sponge...

Definitely worth making your own custard for the trifle, you can make it in the microwave by doing a minute at a time and stirring it each time until it thickens. I then grate chocolate over the top.

@CoronaChristmas confession time. I've never made custard. Not has my mother. Both my grandmothers did !

You have made a really nice job of that, Lucysmam. A lovely present for your friend’s DD.

A slightly off topic issue- does everyone else plan their entire decor around Christmas?

I'm just having my kitchen done and have had to instruct the designer THREE times that, No, I can't have extra worktop/ cupboards up to the corner, No it's not wasted space- it's for the CHRISTMAS TREE FFS! It is in fact sacred space!

He just can't get his head around it, and at one point suggested a small tree that I could put on the worktop as a counter argument

I'd always want space for a full tree if possible.

One stage further : My DH would like to go back to house with bay windows to house a Christmas tree!

[quote didireallysaythat]@CoronaChristmas confession time. I've never made custard. Not has my mother. Both my grandmothers did ![/quote]
It’s dead easy I promise and totally worth it;

2oz sugar
2 egg yolks
1/2 tsp vanilla essence
1/2 pint milk
1/2oz plain flour
1/2oz cornflour
1/2oz butter

Mix everything apart from the butter thoroughly.
Microwave on high for 2 minutes.
Stir and microwave on high for 1 minute.
Repeat last step until it thickens.
Stir in the butter whilst still hot.
Pop in fridge until cool enough to pour over the trifle base.

If you need to practice before the big day it is lush on tinned fruit!

I'd also add if it ever does go bitty push it through a sieve.

@CoronaChristmas @SallySeven

You wicked, wicked people.... I'm going to have to practise. You've led me astray....