Help me politely tell someone their gift is awful

[Dollyparton3]

So..... every year my parents spend a not insignificant amount of money on a hamper. Every year the same hamper from the same company contains the same items.

For the last 3 years the hamper itself has gone straight in recycling, the food items have gone into cupboards (I removed 3 packages yesterday that were out of date).

The wine that is included is not to our taste. Hubby and I are big wine lovers and to us this stuff is a bit like flavoured vinegar. I found 4 bottles of the wine untouched yesterday, I don't even think it's the sort of thing we can regift to others in a hurry.

Here's the dilemma. I told my parents very delicately last year that although the hamper was lovely, we didn't make use of half the items throughout the year so we'd really prefer something that the whole family can enjoy this year. Hubby was there when we said it. There was a definite conversation, I also said that some of it wasn't to our taste so it had gone to waste.

Yesterday morning I got a text from the hamper company saying my hamper yet again from them will arrive tomorrow. I'm now making plans to take all the food straight to a food bank.

I'm not a material person as in expectant of gifts but I do get really frustrated with waste. Especially when someone else is spending good money on something we absolutely won't use. Any thoughts on how to approach this?

Clearly the festive season is taking its toll on here!

OP: I feel bad that my parents spend a lot of money on a hamper of things I don't really like.
Some posters: You're wrong and a snob/boring/lying about having food preferences!

OP, I think you are getting an unfairly hard time on this thread. How I dealt with it would depend on one thing- do you think your parents don't understand how unsuitable the hampers are, or do you think they don't care?

If they are trying to get it right and have fixed on this one thing because you have always seemed to like it before, then you may need an allergy or reaction to something in the hamper. Nothing that could cause undeserved problems for the hamper company, just something that sometimes happens.

If it's more a case of "that'll do", then I'd try suggesting no gifts except for kids, or that they send a donation to a charity that feeds and/or houses the vulnerable (I saw something on here about a charity for care-leavers, or perhaps they could donate to an ex-services charity since the homelessness rate in ex-service people is shocking).

OP what do you get them in return? Let's hope they did listen to what you said and are getting you something else (as well as the hamper) that you'll enjoy. If not, then they are just not bothered about what you think of the gift. I'd probably buy them a hamper back each year and give it no further thought; donate your hamper to your school fair or something.

At the first mention of 'hamper' I visualised canned ham, a box of 'Tea Time' biscuits, pickled onions etc, all the stuff you'd get in a 1970s style paid for it weekly hamper.
But then you said it was Italian themed? Sounds bloody gorgeous! Can I give you my address, OP?

Op,
Is the sending of this hamper controlling behaviour on your parents' part-you should eat or like what they think you should eat or like?

Is the cheap wine a thinly veiled snub to the fact that you have moved on and like good wines?

Do they disapprove of the fact that you keep your kids away from sweet things and are trying to undermine you?

Does all this make your hubby feel anxious?

Thanks most of you for your replies, it's good to know I'm not the only one who doesn't like Risotto.

I do the majority of the cooking in our house and I love to cook from scratch, most of the stuff I cook is experimental so we do have a relatively broad palette for those critics who think it's all Turkey Twizzlers and fanta. Hence if Risotto rice isn't cooked by me (and I'm not a fan) then it goes to waste.

Honestly, we don't do sweet stuff in our house, never have dessert, even after Sunday lunch, we only do a pud when guests come round. So the Orange Peel covered in dark chocolate (bork) sat in the cupboard for a year, then the next year the new one sat alongside it and it's only this year I've kicked myself for not taking it to a food bank.

With regards to the wine, my parents love french and italian wines. I'm more of a new world wine lover and to me there is a definite difference in flavour and preference.

My parents every year receive a gift subscription for something they both enjoy doing together and every year I check in around November to see if they still want that or if they'd prefer that I surprise them. Every year they tell me how much they've enjoyed doing this subscription activity together and how much they've used it so I'm just a bit miffed that the same consideration isn't reciprocated. Both gifts are of similar value so there's no disparity there.

I like the idea of just giving them an Amazon wishlist, might have to suck up this year and push for that next year.

*Op,
Is the sending of this hamper controlling behaviour on your parents' part-you should eat or like what they think you should eat or like?

Is the cheap wine a thinly veiled snub to the fact that you have moved on and like good wines?

Do they disapprove of the fact that you keep your kids away from sweet things and are trying to undermine you?

Does all this make your hubby feel anxious?*

I think you are overthinking a hamper. Not every action by every person is 'controlling' although that is the MN buzz word. Sometimes people just think 'Oh what shall I send? - I know a hamper' It's easy, -maybe a little thoughtless, but perhaps OP's parents find her a bit difficult and intimidating to buy gifts for, many things seem to be unacceptable.

Only on MN is the sending of a hamper analysed to kingdom Come. And all the people involved always turn out to be psychopaths, narcissist, personalit disordered,controlling, abusive, trying to send hidden agenda messages through the medium of Italian food etc etc. Sometimes a hamper is JUST a hamper.

Oh and one more thing to add to answer one lady's question, the kids don't do sweet stuff either, I recently tidied up both of their rooms whilst on the hunt for xmas shoe box stuff that we give to a local refuge, I found 2 bags of chocolate coins, 1 bag of cream soda chewies, one giant strawberry chew, one bag of choc foil covered sprout looking thingies and a bag of milky chews. So there's no controlling behaviour there from us to them, they can have what they want, they just don't eat it much.

Any sign of the hamper @Dollyparton3 ? I'm hoping there might be something different in it this year.

You’re hardly a wine connoisseur if you don’t drink french and Italian wines. We have bottles of french wine from the late 90’s.

Accept the hamper. Take a photo. Add on social media asking "Received this lovely hamper but the family can't eat most of it- would any of my local friends would be interested in it, would happily swap for £20 to spend on Aldi cheeses?!"

@drum2018, not until tomorrow, we can all get excited then.

@bozobahumbugscroogesitup - not quite thirsty enough or a proper hardcore collector? We always joke that wine and cheese never last in our house, but sadly not in this case - we don't shop for wine in Waitrose either, relatively cheap tastes but we do subscribe to naked wines which gets us a couple of dozen more experimental, good quality bottles a year.

It's probably to late now, but, could you look up the hamper company on their website for an alternative to the hamper for the same value and explain to the gift giver what you would like instead ?

Baldly ask for the money to the value of the hamper instead ?

Just donate it, I don't see the issue. Every school I think has a cupboard for tombola and raffle prizes. Every small charity is always asking for this stuff. I can't wrap my head around thowing stuff away.

When the driver delivers the hamper - don’t answer the door.

When the parents come knocking - don’t answer the door.

When the police come enquiring - don’t answer the door.

Problem solved.

The competitive one-upmanship and utter snobbery on this thread is outstanding.

Just this thread though ?

My uncle gives us a tin of family circle biscuits every year. DD always gets a book, DS always gets lego, we always get biscuits (and a diary that neither of us use) but I think he would be really upset, and find it v difficult to buy different things. (Not sure what will happen when DS grows out of lego!) I usually donate the biscuits to the food bank or the local toddler group because I am a greedy cow and would trough way more than I intended if opened
On a separate note I ordered a hamper for my auntie once and when it arrived the cellophane was broken and not wrapped properly. I called the (well known) company and asked for a replacement, as it was a gift. They said to keep it and sent a new one. I donated to a womens refuge, and they were delighted.or maybe they were pretending to be

Oops, crossed out way more than I intended!!😂😂

They clearly dont want to know so give it away!!

I would be delighted if someone brought me chocolate covered orange peel as a dinner party hostess gift.

Just because you don't like sweet stuff OP, doesn't mean others don't.

Why don't you serve some of the stuff when you have guests?

my parents love french and italian wines.

hardly flavoured vinegar though, are they?

I still don't understand how you can't use risotto rice - you don't have to make risotto with it, there's a zillion recipes you can try.
Same with the wine - cook with it! I don't believe you'd be able to tell the difference between French and New World wine in a bolognese.
And even if your kids don't eat anything sweet at all ever, maybe put the biscuits out when friends come over?
But I think you've decided you don't like the hamper so I guess the best thing to do is just before they order it next year tell them you'd like a different one - does the company they order it from do one that you'd find acceptable?

I have never met anyone even remotely interested in wine who doesn't drink at least some French wine.

I've read this thread with bewilderment but perhaps I'm the odd one out here.
I appreciate that all families may not be as straight talking as mine, but I can't for the life of me see why you can't just tell your mum in words of one syllable that you hate to see her wasting her money and that she's not to buy you any more hampers as no one in the family enjoys what they contain.
Bite the bullet today OP and remind her in plenty of time for next year.

every year I check in around November to see if they still want that or if they'd prefer that I surprise them.

There's your opportunity then. Leave it for now. Next year when you have that conversation, say something like you're cutting down on sweet things, or you're trying to shop local, so could you skip the hamper, or you really fancy some cheese this year. I suspect they are not actually being all that thoughtless. You don't sound at all easy to buy for, and a largely savoury, Italian themed hamper sounds like a reasonable choice to me. But then I have enjoyed wine from both Italy and the New World so what do I know?

Don't fix on the fact that you had that one conversation. I'm sure I don't remember every conversation I've had in the last 12 months, and I bet you don't either. It must be easy to forget exactly who said what about their hamper last year, when the tempting brochure comes through their door again.