Help me politely tell someone their gift is awful

[Dollyparton3]

So..... every year my parents spend a not insignificant amount of money on a hamper. Every year the same hamper from the same company contains the same items.

For the last 3 years the hamper itself has gone straight in recycling, the food items have gone into cupboards (I removed 3 packages yesterday that were out of date).

The wine that is included is not to our taste. Hubby and I are big wine lovers and to us this stuff is a bit like flavoured vinegar. I found 4 bottles of the wine untouched yesterday, I don't even think it's the sort of thing we can regift to others in a hurry.

Here's the dilemma. I told my parents very delicately last year that although the hamper was lovely, we didn't make use of half the items throughout the year so we'd really prefer something that the whole family can enjoy this year. Hubby was there when we said it. There was a definite conversation, I also said that some of it wasn't to our taste so it had gone to waste.

Yesterday morning I got a text from the hamper company saying my hamper yet again from them will arrive tomorrow. I'm now making plans to take all the food straight to a food bank.

I'm not a material person as in expectant of gifts but I do get really frustrated with waste. Especially when someone else is spending good money on something we absolutely won't use. Any thoughts on how to approach this?

Can you list all the items and we can bid for them ?
I'd like the orange jelly covered in chocolate please (I mean what's not to like?)
An Italian themed hamper sounds lovely - are you parents Italian?
I'd love a nationally themed hamper.

And you can still go to Aldi and buy cheese and crackers for a cheeky (?) feast. The hamper doesn;t obliterate that option it merely adds to it.

You could try appreciating the gift.

Risotto rice is perhaps too classy for you, maybe they should just get a hamper with stuff from Poundland.

Everybody can use risotto rice, everybody can use wine - mull it, make a casserole, add it to spaghetti bolognese etc.

Yes, there will be things not to your taste but to dismiss the whole gift when you've just had a text message and don't even know what is in the hamper is extremely rude and ungrateful.

@EmmiJay I can't see anyone at the foodbank enjoying charcoal and cumin crackers tbh.

Well aren't you a judgemental twat. What a fuckiing bitchy thing to say.

Relax your fucking thumbs hunni bun. I meant NOONE would like them because its a God awful mix. Twit.

DH gets very generous hampers from work and in all honesty I could do without the hassle of trying to find homes for the weird and wonderful contents.

I negotiate for salary and bonuses, I quibble my online orders when I’m not happy but a gift does not fall into the category of an entitlement. The only acceptable response is gracious thanks. Claiming the high moral ground of disliking waste doesn’t offset bad manners.

@SegregateMumBev I'd love that hamper! The pasta down the bottom would be delicious.

I actually think I’d like those crackers.

Relax your fucking thumbs hunni bun. I meant NOONE would like them because its a God awful mix. Twit.

I'm not a fucking hunni bun. You are still a judgemental twat, I don't believe you meant it like that at all.

Fuck off back to netmums with your hunni n

The competitive one-upmanship and utter snobbery on this thread is outstanding.

If you told them a year ago, they probably forgot. It would have been better to have had this convo at beginning of December (if at all). But like others, what wine isn’t good enough for cooking?

Surely the issue is more that OP's parents are spending money every year on something they don't like.
It's not exactly snobbery or being entitled to not want money to be wasted on them every year in this way. Sure they can give stuff away, but most people when buying something would prefer the recipient to enjoy it themselves surely?

I think you might need to be more explicit and say that while you are very grateful, you are finding a lot of things going to waste and perhaps next year they could get you insert suggestion here. I've only bought a premade hamper a few times and it's been when it's someone I don't really know that well and as a bit of a 'duty' gift. I've made my own personalised hampers though as I know nothing will go to waste! But it might be they genuinely don't know what to get you. Or that they aren't really that bothered and just want to tick you off their list 🤷‍♀️

I think people are being harsh here.

OP doesn’t like or want the stuff - we are all entitled to opinion!

OP also doesn’t like waste.

Thanks to those who have given useful ideas to solve the problem!

My parents do this , we don't drink ! and yet each year as part of our gift they give us 2 red and 2 white wines , all decent makes. Every year we tell them not to , I would rather not get anything . This year they have gone one better and as our total gift to us both they got us an advent calendar ... full of mini bottles of very good wines ! I have re-gifted as gifts and secret santa but am still over run with mini bottles now .... I give up .

@EmmiJay I can't see anyone at the foodbank enjoying charcoal and cumin crackers tbh.

To be fair, I don't think they are ideal food bank fair either. Most people are trying to find nutritious, filling stuff for the whole family, including kids. I'm not sure many kids (or adults) would get excited at charcoal(?!) and cumin crackers! And it's obvious that someone has received them, gone 'err no thanks, but maybe the poor people will like them, they're posh!'.

I meant NOONE (sic) would like them because its a God awful mix. Twit.
If you meant no one, why pointedly say "anyone at the foodbank", when 'no one' is more accurate and succinct? Of course your aggressive retort doesn't make you look defensive at all, methinks she doth protest too much.

Food banks aren't virtue bins for people to offload weird Christmas produce like jars of bizarre condiments and feel pleased with themselves for doing so.

Food banks aren't virtue bins for people to offload weird Christmas produce like jars of bizarre condiments and feel pleased with themselves for doing so.

THIS.

In this case I would either re-gift the hamper or donate it for a raffle.

But if they do send you exactly the same one this year, I would still try to tell them nicely next year, but closer to Christmas.

If there is decent enough shelf life on the items in the hamper, you could make up two hampers (one per birthday) and split it and gift it back to them @Dollyparton3. See if they notice.
You don't have to hand it back to them in the same basket/box/wrapping that you receive it from the hamper company. There are ways to regift a hamper that don't look like you've thrown the stuff back in under the same cellophane wrap.
I actually think your DH has a good idea there @Dollyparton3 about seeing if they notice that they receive the same items they sent on to you at Christmas.
If there are any questions from them - "Isn't this from the hamper we gave you?" you simply reply "Well, actually it is. We did mention that we threw out a lot of the stuff from the 2018 hamper as it was going to waste so rather than waste it we thought you might like it and make more use from it". It's all about reducing waste and they clearly don't care much about sending you stuff you don't want and won't use.

For me, its the realisation that people who have known you from birth have no idea who you are and spend loads on a generic gift. That would be the biggest disappointment. Do they never ask, did you enjoy it? Sell it on facebook and buy something you would like.

Why don’t you ask them if they would be willing to cover the cost each year of something you as a family would like - like an annual pass to a nearby attraction or something similar ... this is how we stopped the flow of awful gifts from family

@LaMarschallin 😂
OP, please don't hurt your parents feelings. They are trying to do something nice for you. Just donate it!

*@EmmiJay I can't see anyone at the foodbank enjoying charcoal and cumin crackers tbh.

Well aren't you a judgemental twat. What a fuckiing bitchy thing to say.*

To be honest, I can't imagine anyone enjoying charcoal and cumin biscuits, they sound revolting. My dog has charcoal biscuits which are supposed to stop him from farting so much. He doesn't even like them, and he's eat nearly anything!

I think it's dreadful to let family spend good money on a gift that isn't a pleasure to receive. You have to be way more assertive next time OP, in fact I'd be tempted to hand it back to them at the end of January to say "oh gosh, I'm so sorry and don't want to appear ungrateful but we really don't like any of this. It's criminal to waste it, so please use it so you're not throwing your money away". That way, there is no pressure to find another gift and they'll remember it next December!

If you look on the receipt it may give you an idea how early they ordered it. If so, about 3 weeks before that next year e-mail saying 'this year, instead of the hamper, would it be possible to have either xxx or yyy - it's something we really want but would never buy ourselves'. That way they're not wasting their money, you get something you really would like, and no-one feels upset or offended. If this works, repeat annually

You already told them politely last year that you didn't want another hamper, if they ignored it they don't care about pleasing you so don't worry about offending them by refusing it.

What a shitty attitude. ☹️