Help me politely tell someone their gift is awful

[Dollyparton3]

So..... every year my parents spend a not insignificant amount of money on a hamper. Every year the same hamper from the same company contains the same items.

For the last 3 years the hamper itself has gone straight in recycling, the food items have gone into cupboards (I removed 3 packages yesterday that were out of date).

The wine that is included is not to our taste. Hubby and I are big wine lovers and to us this stuff is a bit like flavoured vinegar. I found 4 bottles of the wine untouched yesterday, I don't even think it's the sort of thing we can regift to others in a hurry.

Here's the dilemma. I told my parents very delicately last year that although the hamper was lovely, we didn't make use of half the items throughout the year so we'd really prefer something that the whole family can enjoy this year. Hubby was there when we said it. There was a definite conversation, I also said that some of it wasn't to our taste so it had gone to waste.

Yesterday morning I got a text from the hamper company saying my hamper yet again from them will arrive tomorrow. I'm now making plans to take all the food straight to a food bank.

I'm not a material person as in expectant of gifts but I do get really frustrated with waste. Especially when someone else is spending good money on something we absolutely won't use. Any thoughts on how to approach this?

Flipper1234

Do you have special knowledge the rest of us don't have about how old the OP's parents are? I ask because you said They’re your parents. They’re getting older and probably forgetful. Soon will come the Christmas when one or both of them aren’t with you any longer. You do know most people in the UK live now until well into their 80s? I am 58 and could easily have adult children with children of their own. I am not getting so forgetful that I buy presents for my children which they've told me they'd rather not have. My own parents are in their late 80s and they wouldn't do that either. Not every older person has lost their memory.

Early January: [sickly grin ON] 'You've been so generous with all these lovely Italian hampers! I was just wondering, though, if next year maybe might be a good time to branch out and try something different, just for a change? Friends of ours got [insert preferred thing here] and it was lovely. I can get the details for you if you'd like?'

Follow up in September with detailed instructions.

I'm not the most assertive person in the world but I think I could manage that.

The present is not to your taste rather than ‘awful’, so you don’t need to find a way to tell them that. However, I’d feel awkward if someone kept buying me something I never used. If you really can’t get this message across, could you suggest that they just buy for the children and you don’t do presents?

Teaandcake1000

LaMarschallin, that’s a bit rude. OP isn’t saying that at all.

I don't know which of my posts you're answering.

Has it arrived?

You just sound unpleasant and ungrateful. Lots of other stuff to worry about in the world OP. Give it to a food bank.

Show some manners and say thank you for your gift. They don't have to get you anything. What are you teaching your kids about receiving presents? If you are moaning on here you are most likely moaning about it at home also. If you don't like it re gift it or give to a food bank. Unfortunately you come across as quite entitled.

Their gift is not "awful", many people would be delighted to receive it.

But it's not to your tatse, fair enough.

Do you want to do a Mumsnet "auction" whereby we posters can say "oooh I'd like that piece!" and pay for postage, plus a donation to the charity of your choice. I appreciate that's a lot of faff required from you.

Show some manners and say thank you for your gift.
Have you actually read the opening post?

Unfortunately you come across as quite entitled.
No she doesn't.

Do you actually get some sort of perverse pleasure out of repeatedly giving somebody something that they have told you they don't want. Yes, of course they can donate it/regift it/sell it but these are her parents. Wouldn't you think that they might like to buy them something that they would enjoy?

Sorry for the delay in coming back to everyone, we now have two hampers! One is lovely, the other not so much.

A friend of ours stayed with us for a few weeks in the summer when his marriage broke down. He came over with a huge hat box from John Lewis that he's filled himself with things he knew we like. A bottle of proscecco, a bottle of our favourite white wine, a big tub of pork scratchings (the kids love them), mince pies, a fruit cake, cheese crackers, truffle chocolates, pannetone and white choc and cranberry biscuits. He told us he had a great time running round the store grabbing all the things he thought we'd like and we really appreciated the gesture.

The other hamper contains: grappa di Barolo chocolates, boil in the bag "sossige", lentils, pasta, biscuits, orange amaretto biscuits, artichoke sauce, truffle sauce, balsamic and 12 bottles of Italian wine. 6 red and 6 white.

I hear all the people saying I'm an entitled madam, but none of the wine is to our taste. I think the strategy is to start seeding ideas next year for what we do love.

I'm waiting for the insults to start flying now on how our kids love pork scratchings and not artichoke sauce or orange amaretti biscuits

Actually OP I wouldn’t like most of that hamper either. Super expensive treat food is rarely wanted especially not after the house is already full of Xmas stuff

How about directly asking for tickets to a family event next year? Find something well in advance that’s on in say the following Feb and ask them for those instead of the hamper.

Be blunt! They sound very thick skinned

Don't throw away the hamper itself - offer it on your local Freecycle or Facebook or just donate to the PTA (someone can fill it and it then make a very good Raffle prize). In fact I'd definitely donate the wine to the PTA (or another charity) even if it's not that nice, they would be useful in the "bottle game".

I love pork scratchings, so you’ll get no flack for that from me!

Truth be told I like the sound of all the things in your hamper. But of course tastes vary and I can totally understand that it’s disappointing to be given something year on year that you don’t like and won’t be used.

Yes I agree with pp - don’t ‘plant seeds’. Just say straight out that something else would be a much better use of their money.

I volunteer in a Food Bank and can guarantee that after Christmas we will be inundated with weird and wonderful unwanted items from Christmas hampers ... most of them go into the ‘help yourself’ box and to be honest unusual pickles, charcoal crackers, pate de foie gras, risotto rice etc are not popular.

Half the stuff in your friend’s hamper is sweet though and neither you nor your kids like anything sweet

I thought your family didn’t eat sweet things? He hamper your friend bought seems to be largely sweet food.

But you don’t eat sweet things....

Pannetone goes really well with Stilton. That's the only defence I have for that one.

What grape variety are the wines? Lots of new world wines are just full of chemicals, I would always choose a French or Italian wine. Grappa chocolates though, so strong!

You have to be a wind up! Panettone and Stilton as if!

www.britishcharcuterie.live/recipes/2019/1/7/coppa-panettone-crostini

Give the 12 bottles of wine to your nice friend- sorted

You cannot gift forward nasty wine, it reflects bad on you.

Panetone does NOT go well with stilton. Bleurgh. Stilton is to be eaten on cracker biscuits, perhaps washed down with a glass of port or red wine.

Most of the hamper you have said you do like is very sweet, but you claim not to like sweet things.

If you prefer the John Lewis stuff (and I would enjoy that too) then perhaps suggest to your parents that next year they get you a John Lewis gift card to the same value as the hamper they usually send, so that you can make your own choices there?