Help me politely tell someone their gift is awful

[Dollyparton3]

So..... every year my parents spend a not insignificant amount of money on a hamper. Every year the same hamper from the same company contains the same items.

For the last 3 years the hamper itself has gone straight in recycling, the food items have gone into cupboards (I removed 3 packages yesterday that were out of date).

The wine that is included is not to our taste. Hubby and I are big wine lovers and to us this stuff is a bit like flavoured vinegar. I found 4 bottles of the wine untouched yesterday, I don't even think it's the sort of thing we can regift to others in a hurry.

Here's the dilemma. I told my parents very delicately last year that although the hamper was lovely, we didn't make use of half the items throughout the year so we'd really prefer something that the whole family can enjoy this year. Hubby was there when we said it. There was a definite conversation, I also said that some of it wasn't to our taste so it had gone to waste.

Yesterday morning I got a text from the hamper company saying my hamper yet again from them will arrive tomorrow. I'm now making plans to take all the food straight to a food bank.

I'm not a material person as in expectant of gifts but I do get really frustrated with waste. Especially when someone else is spending good money on something we absolutely won't use. Any thoughts on how to approach this?

I think you sound ungrateful OP.

If you had the chat yesterday surely they had already bought it by then??? Maybe they'll take it on board for next year.

Meh. Yeah I get all the posts about lack of gratitude but I can’t say I wouldn’t find annoying to receive things they know we don’t like and won’t eat.

So I would suck it up this year and mid next year come up with a positive alternative. Particularly as they like the experienced they get you could say “this year we were thinking that we would really love membership to the National Trust/donkey sanctuary/whatever - how would you feel about getting us that as your Christmas present to us?”

As an aside, if The OP could tell me how to stop liking sweet stuff that would be very helpful thank you

We have the same issue. I don't want to offend or be ungrateful. But I don't like 70% of the items in the hamper if we get another one in the coming days this will be year 4 of hampers.

I hate to think of money being wasted, and would be happy with a card or something small. Also abit sad that parent doesn't remember I don't like most of the contents.

Interested for tips, good luck OP!

Ungrateful. Send it back? .... Awful. Just donate to the food bank. It's not going to waste as someone will be grateful.

I think you sound ungrateful OP

How much would you like it if someone continued to buy you the same present you didn't like, year after year after year, even after you've diplomatically attempted to persuade them otherwise?

The word grateful doesn't immediately spring to mind, does it?

If i had genuinely said something and they carried on doing it I would either find the company that did it and tell the gift givers which one I wanted, or just laugh about it. Sending it back is so rude and unpleasant.

They may have chosen a different type of hamper this year, ie with other things in it rather than what they usually buy. You won't know 'til you open it.

TheKitchenWitch Fri 20-Dec-19 08:41:23
How can you not use risotto rice? Or biscuits?
Cook with the wine, or make sangria out of it.
I can see how there might be a couple of things you don't like but there's really nothing in there that oyu like??
.......
Agree with that, I cook with cheap wine. Rice and biscuits would be used. In any hamper there will be things we don't like but not all of it.

Stick it on eBay and donate the money to a local charity.

YANBU it isn't thoughtful to buy someone a gift that they don't want when you know they don't want it. They've just created you another chore to get rid of it or bin it (which is a pain if like me you only have fortnightly collections). That's on top of the guilt for not appearing grateful. I think I'd take out anything that I could use and bag up the rest. Take it to them with a 'thanks for the hamper, thought we'd bring you the things we can't use'.

Yes this is the trouble with being polite about crap presents. I got a small nodding dog (one of those that you put on the back shelf of your car) off my husband one year. I must have been convincing about liking it because I sodding well got another the next year, a ruddy big one. :(

Why would you want to?

It’s a gift. Say ‘please don’t feel you must buy us anything’ all you like, but if they give you a present just accept it with a smile and give it to somebody who’ll use it.

Relatives of ours routinely give me smellies (Which go straight to the homeless centre) boxes of biscuits (Which go to the church old folks coffee morning) and random things which I take to the charity shop. It’s a bit of a bore but it’s a first world problem so I thank them and pass the stuff right on....

Whilst I understand the frustration. How about just appreciating the fact that you still have parents to buy you an Xmas gift even if it isn't to your taste. My dm has bought some really random tat over the years but now we are on borrowed time memories of those silly items raise a smile on our darkest days.

It supposed to be a time of kindness. So be kind and regift it via the food bank, local refuge, take it to your nearest oncology centre minus the plonk, take it to a maternity ward for the staff working their backsides off, find a family in need - there are lots of possible options if you really can't use it yourself.

I seem to be going against others opinions but I do not like large hampers. I like to buy the food I like and try new things that I want to try. I order Christmas food ahead of time and don't really need any more. Sister in Law bought us a small hamper once that was lovely but other than that I look in fayres and think I hope someone else wins that. Bah humbug. We don't do adult gifts which is a relief. I do love Christmas just don't need the excessive purchasing.

The nodding dog, brilliant

I'm curious to know what was in the hamper that was due for delivery yesterday.
I love a random hamper [/misses point ofntheead]

Me too LastQueen!

What was in the hamper yesterday? Was it different items that you would use?

Tell them that you do not want another hamper explain the reasons why.
Be specific about an alternative and print it out and give it to them.
You should have told them the first time you got gifted .
Be sensitive in the way you say it emphasise on the wastage

Can you contact the hamper company and see if they have any alternatives for the same value?

Second the idea of asking the givers to just buy for the children next year

We have the same issue with a wine and cheese box DH’s parents give us every year - made polite noises the first year, but it’s a standing joke (between the two of us, we’re not that rude) when it turns up. It is such a bloody waste, the wine is - heavy red we’d never drink (we freeze it for cooking now) and the cheeses are wacky, crazy flavours we’d not eat. But we’re at the awkward stage now where it’s been going on so long we can’t say anything.

“ Tell them that you do not want another hamper explain the reasons why.
Be specific about an alternative and print it out and give it to them.”

I honestly don’t see how you could possibly do this “sensitively”....

I'm with Bernard.

No way of doing that nicely!

Does it really matter? Can't you just laugh about it and donate the wine or give it to the postman or something?

You can.the tone pace body language
With my mum I dont have a problem I just say it in a nice sort of sickly way it always works.

I can just about see how saying you don’t want another one could be done reasonably politely? But printing off a specific alternative???