Extremely rude and disrespectful child and Christmas!! HELP!

[teachingselfrestraint]

Dear other Parents, please don’t judge me for this one!!

I’m a Mum of two. One very sweet, polite and kind 4 year old boy with the kindest heart. And one very sour to the core 7 year old girl who is on a path of self destruction.

I don’t know how to approach Christmas when all year around we remind our young children of Santa and his expectations - be kind to others- and for one of my children, these expectations have been swung into space!

My 7 year old has the entitled teen attitude. My friends and family are scared to talk to her as she snaps back with pure brutality and has no emotions connected to the world. This is not an exaggeration (I do feel awful for her as she does has a emotional diagnosis from CAMHS and has had heavy support up until recent BUT it has been made very clear to me by professionals that she does know what she is doing at all times!)

So I’m sorry to be blunt with this but WHAT THE F**K AM I ACTUALLY MEANT TO DO ABOUT CHRISTMAS PRESENTS!!?

So far my plan is she will still receive presents from myself, family and friends, but nothing from Santa- just a letter explaining that kindness did not come from her and so he’s decided to give her present to someone less fortunate.
Family think this is ridiculous and that I should just give her nothing. But I don’t want her upset on Christmas! As much as I resent the behaviours, the phone calls from school and after school club and the endless apologies I hand out on her behalf. I would feel like the worst Mum ever to take everything from such a small girl on Christmas!!

Please help me balance this parenting struggle! What can I do?

I don't think you should use santa to do your parenting for you.
It's shitty, plus counter productive and may make her behaviour worse in the long run.
She's probably not far off finding out the truth about santa anyway.

"Sour to the core" ....Have you and your family written her off completely already? That's very sad, she is 7!

It sounds like this child has the world stacked against her and she knows it. Does she even feel loved when her own parents call her sour to their core? Unkindness is being learnt - by her from the adults around her.

Your posts are confusing.

You call her rude, disrespectful, sour to the core and on a path of self destruction.

Then you say your bond with her is amazing.

I can't see that the two sides to your posts are compatible.

She has a mental health condition and she's only 7. I'd suggest taking the battle away from Christmas. Let Christmas be Christmas because it won't be the same for her for many more years.

Take the time away from school to show her how much you love her and understand that the things she says are unkind, but the result of her poorliness. And that you want to help her.

Ignore other family members who don't get it. In fact, I'd keep them away from her and you because they're encouraging you to be unkind and reinforcing the message that she's naughty and sour.

Poor girl, imagine going through all that when your so young.

All withholding presents would achieve is to make Christmas day horrible for everyone when she loses her shit over it. You need to tackle bad behaviour when it happens not months down the line.

So, are you deferring your parenting to Santa?

Santa (at Christmas this is the whole word to a 7 year old) won't bring a gift. Your child will not only be 'sour to the core' to her nearest and dearest, but will be publicly outed as 'sour to the core' i.e. naughty and bold and horrible, to EVERYONE. Confirming to her that she is horrible and no one likes her and this is just the way she is. I apologise for being glib, but yeah way to go.

Have you really thought this through?

Please don't withhold Santa presents. It sounds like there is something going on with her so it seems to me that she needs help. I hate it when people use Santa as a behaviour management approach!

Please don't do this, you will ruin Christmas and damage the relationship with your child even further.

One very sweet, polite and kind 4 year old boy with the kindest heart. And one very sour to the core 7 year old girl who is on a path of self destruction.

wow! one of the saddest statements I've read for a long time. Really hoping this thread is a joke. If not it's terribly sad.

cant get this thread out of my head really hope it isnt true and the person who wrote it doesnt mean it . I kind of hoped that people were more aware of peoples differences and the possible reasons behind them this day and age but perhaps not

The best gift you can give your child is therapeutic intervention for your parenting.

This is a troll surely? No parent would be so cruel!

Personally I think it would be best to separate Christmas/Santa/presents and behaviour and discipline. Christmas is meant to be a time or giving and having some quality family time. Use Christmas as a fun, playful bonding time instead. That will be just as valuable to her.

I could never not give a child a gift from Santa. I mean we make up Santa for them and so then to use that as a way to punish them just feels wrong to me.

Zombie thread

ZOMBIE THREAD!!!!!!!!

Btw op when you say everyone is expecting you to give her nothing g? Who is? Your family?

It doesn’t really matter what other people expect. Does it feel right to you to withhold her presents?

Pull the other one...

I feel sorry for your dd, she potentially has issues with emotions, possibly something that’s out of her control and you want to stop sant giving her presents for Christmas?

Sounds like your dd is possibly on the spectrum (ASD) or/and has other issues, why would you want to punish her for not being able to express herself correctly? For not showing the correct emotions?

Both my DD’s have ASD, sometimes Christmas isn’t that enjoyable, sometimes they have struggled with present opening, especially pretending to be grateful for things they didn’t ask for. We now have pretty laid back approach to Christmas, they only get things they have asked for, family presents are opened at home in private (as much as possible), if they have to open gifts at relatives house we have a scripted response and a fake smile 😆, it’s taken a while to get to this point. We tend to spend Christmas Day at home on our own, it’s different then most people’s Christmas but it’s our Christmas and it’s much more relaxed.

You are expecting way too much from a 7 year old who is struggling, maybe try not expecting anything from her?

@Otamot

A troll thread resurrected by another troll. That's quite entertaining!

Or the same troll sock puppeting???

Could well be. Like a dog going back to its sick.

How about giving her the usual presents and Santa’s gift (maybe not as extravagant as usual) but with a letter from Santa explaining how he’s not happy with her behaviour but has seen she’s getting help and hopes that next year she will be on the good list again? Or that he’ll be able to see an improvement? I wouldn’t withhold Santa’s gift, that’s cruel considering naughty children she knows will still get gifts, that may be confusing! Maybe you could write the letter and include how Santa will remove the gifts during the year if she doesn’t improve?

@Wildorchidz

Unbelievable.

You don't say?

It's a seasonal sockie!

DOUBLE NUT NUTS.

ZOMBIE THREAD ALERT.