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Original poster

I said I've had enough of hosting Christmas but they all insist...

114 replies

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 03/01/2019 13:28

Sorry this is a bit of rant, don't take it too seriously. I had a little tantrum on Christmas Day, saying I was fed up of doing 98% of the work. This was after 7 solid hours of cooking etc with no help whatsoever from the lazy layabouts despite repeated requests, instead they saw it as an opportunity for "Bantz" at my expense. We had unscheduled rellies the next day too. I've never felt so fed up and exhausted.
I announced that next year I just wanted to go out to Christmas lunch and they could join us (and pay) because Christmas should be about seeing people, not one person being driven frantic over the work and the expense. I was shouted down by all and next year we have 18 coming. This has been going on for 30 years and its the first time I've made a stand.
I've been told by several of them I need therapy.
Am I mad or are they?

OP posts:
abacucat · 03/01/2019 14:12

You know they can't make you cook.

Lost88 · 03/01/2019 14:15

Why are you doing this to yourself my love ?????????????????????!

FetchezLaVache · 03/01/2019 14:15

30 years of hosting Christmas for a large number of ungrateful, unhelpful wankers? Please don't make it 31, OP. Surely to fuck they can see it's someone else's turn next.

willowmelangell · 03/01/2019 14:17

Go on strike. Go out to lunch.

Remind people throughout the year.
It took me two years to pluck up the courage to tell people I wasn't hosting their xmas dinner. I stuck to my resolve. They survived.

amusedbush · 03/01/2019 14:18

Go on holiday. Or go out to lunch by yourself and if you have a DP, leave them at home to deal with the spongers.

stargirl1701 · 03/01/2019 14:18

If you are coming, you bring something. Don't ask, tell.

X - you are bringing and serving a starter
Y - you are bringing and serving soup

Etc.

OP, you do the turkey.

Or get caterers in and bloody well charge the CFs.

Twickerhun · 03/01/2019 14:19

I think you need a holiday away next Christmas.

Waddsup12 · 03/01/2019 14:20

Book a holiday, alone if need be. Pack, go to airport, get on plane...

abacucat · 03/01/2019 14:21

I suspect they will ignore what you say. So you need a plan. Tell everyone you will not be making xmas dinner. If they turn up you will not have shopped, not be cooking and not be there.
And then plan something. Ideally is there a friend you could join for xmas day? If not go out a walk, go to the pub, but just stay away from home at the point when people would be pressuring you to cook.
I know it will not make for a pleasant day, but you need to do it to break this pattern.

TatianaLarina · 03/01/2019 14:26

You’re going out for Christmas lunch. If ‘they’ have invited 18 people over for Christmas, they will have to figure out how to cater for them.

Btw 7 hours is absurd.

I’ve got it down to a fine art, so that the only thing that needs doing on Christmas Day is stuffing the turkey and putting everything in the oven at the relevant time.

theworldistoosmall · 03/01/2019 14:27

Make you host.
Yea right.
But I would have told the lazy cunts to move their arses years ago.
You need to stop being a doormat to these fools and realise you are in control of your own life.
Maybe see if there's anything locally to work on your assertiveness.
And this Christmas, use all the money you would have wasted on these ingrates and treat yourself to something special instead. Whether it's a holiday/short break or even just Christmas Day in a restaurant. And if you want these ingrates to join you, send them the details and that they have to book and pay themselves as I think otherwise they would expect you to organise and pay.

Bekabeech · 03/01/2019 14:27

You need a plan.

Who actually lives in your house? What do they think about hosting Christmas?

If you live alone - then go away and let everyone know when you book.

If the other co-residents get that you are fed up - then maybe you can all go away? At least have a house meeting to discuss the issue and come up with solutions.

If the other co-residents are as entitled as the other freeloaders - then you have bigger problems. I would start now to stand up for yourself and getting them to look after themselves/take some of the burden. (Even pretty young children can help with chores.)

HeartyLaugh · 03/01/2019 14:29

I was shouted down by all and next year we have 18 coming Hmm
Who are these people? They can't force you to host. Change the locks and don't answer your door. This is their problem not yours.

eddielizzard · 03/01/2019 14:29

You are being a martyr. It's all in the delivery. A quiet and cold 'I am not doing Christmas this year.' is all you need. Plus a booking at your best local pub for lunch. For you and a loved one. Job done.

They can't force you to you know. They can't actually physically force you, because that's against the law.

Anything else you ignore and repeat the above.

StormTreader · 03/01/2019 14:30

Just....don't do it. If you want to go out, book it and go out. If you want them there, tell them the details of your booking so they can also book at the same place and time if they want - DO NOT BOOK FOR THEM, THEY WON'T PAY THEIRS BACK.

Just because they'll make you feel guilty for saying no, that doesn't mean that no is the wrong choice.

StoorieHoose · 03/01/2019 14:30

I wouldn’t say anything again but be sitting in my pjs eating a ready meal for one on Christmas Day

diddl · 03/01/2019 14:32

Why would you want to out to any lunch, let alone Christmas with these people?

DeepanKrispanEven · 03/01/2019 14:34

If they think you need therapy, tell them you've had it and the therapist says it's imperative that you don't lift a finger for Christmas ever again.

GreenTulips · 03/01/2019 14:34

If your DH isn't on board then get some alternative options

Table for one it is then

Text them

‘I am serious about not doing Christmas next year. You have plenty of time to sort out alternative arrangements, you’ve had 20 years of my time’

Lweji · 03/01/2019 14:35

I hear rest therapy works wonders.

Assertiveness therapy too.

HeebieJeebies456 · 03/01/2019 14:37

Did they force you to cook OP?
Did they hold a gun to your head?

YOU and only YOU are responsible for your actions.
I don't allow myself to be bullied like that.
I'd have just sat down and poured myself a drink, stating that i wasn't going into the kitchen and lifting a finger until i had volunteers to help with the work.
If they wanted to eat then they help out - otherwise they can all sit there and go hungry, don't give a fuck if christmas is 'ruined'.

You can only play hardball if you don't secretly enjoy being a martyr though.

Sarahjconnor · 03/01/2019 14:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 03/01/2019 14:38

OP - do you have a husband or partner? If you do, why are they not backing you up - stopping the rest from having their ‘banter’ at your expense, insisting that they pull their weight and appreciate all your hard work, and backing up your decision about next Christmas?

My dh would not dream of making fun of me for asking for help on Christmas Day - for a start, he and the boys always do the clearing up, as well as helping with the preparation of the meal, and none of them would stand by and watch anyone make fun of me for asking for help. That is just basic decency within a family - we help each other and have each other’s backs.

And if it is just you, then what you say, goes. You don’t have to accept guests inviting themselves and insisting you do all the work. Send an email to everyone concerned:

“Dear All,

I was NOT joking when I said I would not be hosting next Christmas.

I am sick and tired of how you all take me for granted. I slaved over a hot stove for 7 hours to make your Christmas dinner, and not one of you lifted a finger to help me - you even made fun of me when I asked for help!

I am not prepared to have another miserable Christmas catering for a bunch of lazy, disrespectful freeloaders who do not give a single damn about me.

Unless I get proper apologies from ALL of you, I will not be inviting any of you for Christmas again.

Yours”

BMW6 · 03/01/2019 14:39

I would 100% book a week away over Christmas 2019, I would book it now and tell them to go to Fuck.

Inertia · 03/01/2019 14:44

Who is 'they'?

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