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Christmas

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Original poster

DCs and receiving presents they don't like

104 replies

Squirrelfruitandnutkin · 18/12/2017 06:49

Ds is good at faking it. He can smile and say thank you reasonably convincingly

Dd is not. She is the sort of child who says what she thinks. I am trying to get her to just smile and say thanks.

How did you help your dcs develop this skill/ technique?
Me and dd are going to have to practice before we see the ILs I think 😬

OP posts:

Goldenhandshake · 18/12/2017 13:36

9 year old DC deserves an Oscar, and can display delight at duplicates or monstrous gifts, thank the gift giver with a smile and a hug. Younger DC is 3, so every present is a delight quite frankly.

MikeUniformMike · 18/12/2017 13:49

I know someone who used to buy his godson a book every birthday and Christmas. The boy had no interest in books. The godfather was buying what he thought the boy should have. The boy's parents kept saying their son would prefer vouchers but no, the godfather wanted the boy to have books.

What little kid wants vests and pants, or knickers or tights for a present?

DrRanjsRightEyebrow · 18/12/2017 17:56

DS (4) is hilarious and declares "oh! I always wanted one of those!" to every gift, often before he's unwrapped it (ai have no clue where he's picked that up from!)

GranolaLover · 18/12/2017 18:07

Children can be a nightmare when it comes to receiving gifts. I remember when my DD was about 4 (30 years ago) her DDad and I got her a toy tea set for Christmas,which we knew she wanted. Anyway,we go over to exH's mum's for tea on Christmas day,and she is presented with another identical tea set from exH's sister. I hoped DD would just smile and say 'Thank you Aunty' but no she looks most put out and says 'Why have you got me another one?' I could have died of embarrassment. Thankfully,SIL saw the funny side and said she'd change it for something else. Needless to say,I had a few words with DD after the event!

Annwithnoe · 18/12/2017 19:30

I despair of DS who is scrupulously honest and incapable of stopping talking after "thank you". He really enjoys getting gifts and tries hard to be very kind in his responses "it matches the other one exactly, now I have twins" I have one of these already , or "that will be the only green sweater in my wardrobe so it will be really special" I dislike green and will never take it out of the wardrobe "I can't wait to see mum's face when she sees this much chocolate, she's going to be so mad" or "it's a good job I got that new toothbrush". Fortunately MIL is getting deaf and doesn't always get much of the content apart from the big smile.

Crunkly · 18/12/2017 22:54

Perhaps a routine might help? As children my sister and I were taught to always do certain things eg if a guest came over we would always offer to take their coat and ask if they want a drink. In the case of Presents I think we were always taught to say thank you and give a hug or a kiss to the giver. I think just being really strict with getting them to say thank you every single time will mean they get that they learn the skill?

Meeep · 18/12/2017 23:04

I am lucky in that somehow both my children are truly delighted with anything.

"Wow, these socks are so soft! Look at these socks everyone! They're the nicest socks I've ever seen! My feet will be so cozy!" etc. etc.

Mamawingingit1234 · 18/12/2017 23:41

My DD is at an age were she just loves opening gifts which is usually followed by a WOW but I do agree politeness is key. To be grateful someone thought of you and gave you a gift even if you don't like/need/want.

My mother is quite bad at both - giving and receiving gifts. For DDs first birthday she got her a glass ornament and 2 hats size 0-6 months which of course didn't fit. However is quite blunt/obvious when she gets something she's doesn't like!

ItsBeginingToLookAlotLikeChris · 18/12/2017 23:49

Ha I think my own Mil lost this training as a child, we even had a running commentary on each others gifts eg... Oh why did you buy him cufflinks, he had loads, why did you buy me nutter dish we don't eat butter fil doesn't need to be new tie.
She gets generic gifts now

ItsBeginingToLookAlotLikeChris · 18/12/2017 23:51

Bonbon that some true our fil is doing all the stuff he wants without thinking of child. Wants to give my dc gifts around his interests android hobbies

Originalfoogirl · 19/12/2017 00:02

Our girl was once quite rude about a gift. I told her if she did that ever again, I would take all her gifts away. She has never done it since.

JakeBallardswife · 19/12/2017 00:03

Mine have learnt this valuable skill through years of unwanted gifts from IL's. DS is spectacularly tricky to buy for, I asked DH to do the ONLY bit of Christmas shopping this year and get stocking gifts for teen DS. He came home and said 'wow', he's so tricky to buy for what shall I get?'

secondhoneymoon · 19/12/2017 00:20

I think you're doing the right thing to teach them to say thank you for the giving, rather than for the actual gift. If they receive lots of things they don't like, encourage them to be proud of themselves for taking it to a charity.
.

HappyAndRelaxed · 19/12/2017 00:22

My friend's DS was so rude and ungrateful about every gift he ever received. We excused him when he was younger but he continued as he got older. We eventually found the perfect solution - we stopped giving him gifts. Saved us wasting our time and money on someone who lacks basic manners.

SheGotBetteDavisEyes · 19/12/2017 00:57

My DC are pretty good. They know it's the giving, not the gift.

But they can't hold a candle to my eldest niece, who even as the most privileged child I know (smart, doting family, great sib relationships, homes in different countries, enormous material wealth), is always the most boundlessly happy recipient of any gift anyone gives to her.

One year, I was really pushed for ideas/time and bought something pretty simple, and she was absolutely wonderful about it, chucking herself down on the floor to take a proper look, etc.

She's grown up to be a equally marvellous young woman, and my DC know that if they want to look up to someone, they could do worse than start with her.

DonkeyOil · 19/12/2017 01:12

This thread has triggered a memory of some really brattish and toe-curlingly embarrassing behaviour by me, aged 4. The daughter of some close family friends we were visiting had bought me a 4th Birthday present of a lovely, quite expensive Mason Pearson hairbrush. I don't know what I had expected - evidently not that, as I opened it and proceeded to fling it the full length of the room in disgust! I still cringe to this day, and I think Mum must have had words with me as I've never been able to recall the incident without feeling thoroughly ashamed. And that was 50 years ago!

FlaviaAlbia · 19/12/2017 09:32

Ah, that's lovely SheGotBetteDavisEyes

penninefamily · 19/12/2017 11:09

This is a useful "teaching moment" to try to get her to think of something nice to say about each gift she is given. She might then learn to think nice things about the people around her and gain a more positive and optimistic outlook in life. If you take the lead in choosing kind things to say she will follow your example.

NKFell · 19/12/2017 14:58

My DS1 is always grateful but I think it's genuine. He looks thrilled with anything, in fact even just the thought of a gift makes him shine with delight! His sister however...

DD is brutal, at her 5th birthday recently she said "erm...well...don't cry but, I don't like it actually" and handed it back. Luckily it was my sister who gave the gift and she laughed.

So, I think yes teach them about feelings etc. but ultimately their personality will always come through, sometimes unfortunately.

SatsukiKusakabe · 19/12/2017 15:41

Yes nkfell - dd is grateful, forgiving, generous etc - ds is all those things too, but gets there in a roundabout way, with a few bumps along the path.

FreeNiki · 19/12/2017 18:03

DD is brutal, at her 5th birthday recently she said "erm...well...don't cry but, I don't like it actually" and handed it back. Luckily it was my sister who gave the gift and she laughed.

I'd have said to my niece in return, don't cry but I'm taking it back and you're not getting anything else.

AdoraBell · 20/12/2017 00:03

Both of mine are very good at faking it. Me, not so much I have one of those very expressive faces.

GingerbreadMa · 20/12/2017 00:08

Dd1 is OTT drama queen excited about all gifts

Dd2 is a tough audience, however her attempts at faking it just come across sounding sarcastic so her usual silent "meh" reactions are the lesser evil

itshappening · 20/12/2017 00:45

Maybe it would help to explain why people give presents and why you have to be polite. Explain that they buy things for your DC because they love them and hope that they will like the things, sometimes it is hard to know exactly what someone else might like but if they do get it wrong they might be sad and we don't want to hurt their feelings. Make it more about people's feelings and being kind than being polite. You could be even make it real by telling a story about how you got someone a gift and were very sad when you saw they didn't like it...'and we wouldn't want GF to feel sad, would we?'

itshappening · 20/12/2017 00:46

Ps. Maybe also add that because of that opening a present is about being nice to the giver, not just 'do I like it?'. Liking it is a bonus.

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