Poncetastic 2017

[Annwithnoe]

Since there doesn't seem to be a poncetastic thread, and to avoid confusion with thread titles, would I be out of order to start this one?

First order of business, a toast to our dearly missed Fellatio Nelson, wherever she may be and a quote from her original thread:

^
"OK, first of all, I know it's still September by we need to start this thread now because as you all know, having a truly Poncetastic Christmas involves precision planning, strategy, bravery, heroics, and frequently martyrdom. A bit like the war in Afghanistan, only with nicer food and sparkly shoes.

So, if you, like me, actually want to make the next twelve weeks of your life a misery by hand-crafting your cards, finding a huge bucket for Nigella's turkey in brine, pickling pears, shrivelling oranges in a low oven for those rustic au naturel decorations, dragging half a holly bush back from the woods, and just generally being a smug annoying jobsworth ponce, join me on this thread.

Feel free to post photos of previous tree-trimming, cake icing or table centrepiece triumphs, discuss this year's bauble colour themes, debate the merits of Delia versus Gordon, road-test a selection of canapes and cocktails, (all in the line of duty) and link to lovely inspirational photos/craft ideas for a truly Poncetastic Christmas.

Warning: If your idea of a good Christmas involves Pizza, ITV, gravy granules or anything with 'Aunt Bessies' on the packet, this is not the thread for you".

^

Place marking.
What happened to to Fellatio?

I believe she left in 2013 link Hasn't been the same since.

2013?! bloody hell time flies.

Okay. First year considering a food ponce of making my own mincemeat. I don't actually like it myself but I'm willing to make it for the enjoyment of others and lap up the attention - how long does it keep, and could I reasonably jar it up for selling at a school fete at the end of November or does it need more time to mature? Or whatever it is mincemeat does. Tempted to go to Aldi tomorrow to buy their version of Cointreau, amaretto etc and experiment with a few flavours

You can make it the day before, tbh. Keeps for months/years if properly stored.

It is kind of expensive though, compared to a jar of supermarket rubbish, so sit down with a calculator to see if you wouldn't be better off bunging the organisers a tenner and saving yourself the bother.

Poncing for one's own sake, or a beloved and grateful recipient, is one thing. Poncing for profit is quite another!

That is, if the ingredients cost £3 per jar (dried fruit is expensive even before you consider booze) will it sell for at least £3.50-£4?

Not for profit as such but for donations to DH's fundraising for a charity thing next year. So I suppose I'd be "donating" any losses from my own pocket!

Just about to price up Delia's recipe in Tesco and see what it comes to. If nothing else it'll do for gifts!

That's what I mean really. It's fantastic for your own catering and gifts but probably too tight margins to be useful fundraising. Unless fundraiser is itself poncetastic?

I thought I didn't like mincemeat until I made my own, omitting the ingredients I dislike. You might convert yourself!

I'm not sure whether the fruit or the booze that adds on to the cost. But booze is an investment right?!

ALWAYS.

Doesn't booze increase in value with age? Possibly?

Definitely a wise and shrewd investment.

I'm baking The Cake today. Another reason to listen to the Rutter in October.

I know it's a massive cheat and not very poncey but i buy a jar of ASDA Extra Special mincemeat, take a good tablespoon out and fill up with an expensive brandy....leave it for just a couple of weeks

Cake in oven . DGC singing " its beginning to SMELL a lot like Christmas " as they stirred it .
Smallest DGC 13 months not impressed at her Father Christmas hat !
But got some good photos for the future !

A nice poncey weekend so far but was feeling very weird to be picking ripe sloes whilst wearing only one layer as 18 degrees on Friday, Friday night spent pricking & freezing whilst humming & drinking !

Worked out shopping bits for cooking in advance for Xmas meal & from shooting yesterday got more pheasant feathers for further poncing, just collected more pine cones again in 19 degrees before BBQ this evening! Weird!! 🎄

You go shooting, Minster? Are you really rural?

I need another look through my recipe books to make sure I've got everything I need to make the bits I want to. I think I need to write my plans down somewhere, so I don't forget!

I was worried I'd missed stir up Sunday with all your tales of making cakes, puddings and mincemeat already! Although I don't think I'll be waiting until the official day to be doing our puddings as end of November seems really late.

I've still got e few jars of mincemeat from last year, so won't need to do that this year (if in properly sterilised jars it keeps for three years easily, and I use butter rather than suet). Longest I've left a pudding is two years. Never make cake as no one (me) likes marzipan.

DM had a glut of green tomatoes, so I've made loads of chutney, although whether it gets as far as Xmas or not, is another matter seeing as DH and DS have already got through a whole jar in a week.

I also made some spiced apricot jam, but I fear it may suffer the same fate as the chutney.

As soon as the heating comes on' I'll be drying out orange, lemon and lime slices to make some poncetastic tree decorations with cinnamon sticks.

I'm also planning on making some ceramic candle holders for the table. Last year I made some stars for the tree, and salt and pepper shakers in the shape of Xmas puds. I could do with making a set of matching napkin rings, but probably won't have time this year.

Had a good ponce-ing session today- made matching christmas skirts for myself and dd.
Done mincemeat, Xmas cake and now waiting for some empty jars so I can get cracking on my rosemary and grape jelly to use up my herb glut

Trumpton would you be willing to share idiot proof instructions for your paperwhite hurricane vases? They sound brilliant but I'm not the best with plants

This is the first year I've joined the poncing, so far I've made (and eaten) Delia's mincemeat. Got lots of ideas on here and fallen down the Pinterest rabbit hole!

I usually put 3 or 4 inches of pebbles into a hurricane lamp or wide vase and set the bulbs 4 or 5 per pot on them. Add water to base of bulbs and leave in cool place until shoots are 6 inches tall. Then bring into the warm.
I generally start mine around bonfire night to give 6 weeks before Christmas .
The report on stunting the green leaves without diminishing the flowers is HERE It's called Pickling Your Paperwhites !

Sorry , link didn't C&P. blogs.cornell.edu/hort/2009/11/10/pickling-your-paperwhites/

Yes @nowordforfluffy we are relatively rural Yorkshire and I'm not afraid but it depends on your viewpoint I'm proud to enjoy the sport of shooting! My dogs love it & I enjoy it both shooting & beating with both my husband & I, my (v fluffy loveable house dog) works the season too & whines if he thinks my husband is leaving him on a shoot day. could put a pic but anyone who knows us would recognise the dog!

Trumpton thanks very much. I had been eyeing up hurricane jars in IKEA but couldn't really envisage what to do with them. I'm really looking forward to having a go now.

I made my own mincemeat for the first time last year (Mary Berry's recipe) and was amazed at how easy it was! Not cheap though. I ended up doing 2 batches of 4 jars each, after a friend requested 2 dozen of my mince pies. I still have 2 jars left which seem fine. ill probably do another batch in December. I love the smell of it!

I've been meaning to do my cake (also Mary berry) for several weeks now but time has escaped me. Not really sure it's worth bothering as it's only me on my own, I need to find a few people willing to take a chunk off my hands or I'll be still eating it next Christmas!

Christmas crafting began a month ago (mill hill beaded cross stitch mini kits) and I desperately want to decoupage something with the lovely festive decoupage paper I found in hobbycraft but resisted because I don't have time (last year I was off work for the whole run up to Christmas so had far more time for poncing) and couldn't find something to cover that grabbed me

Last years resolution to crochet myself a stocking has failed... I can do two lines of crochet but the third and beyond is too much for my head

@Minster2012, I quite fancy attending a shoot. I'm a bit scared of guns, however, so wouldn't want a go!