Christmas presents...feeling guilty.

[ghostspirit]

This year xmas shopping was started late because I have had housing issues. And now my money has been halved. And it won't get sorted out till after Xmas.. I have bought 19 year old Dd 12 gifts and they are all things she had asked for. I also said I would give her 100 in cash. But now my money has been halved. It going to be really hard. So I told her I can't give it to her for xmas day but she will get it before new year. But she's made me feel really guilty. I don't feel I should feel guilty. But I'm fighting with myself not to. I think it's because I always aim for xmas to be 100% what they want. This year it's not.

[HighDataUsage]

I've read your other threads Ghost and I think you're doing a grand job given the circumstances. However it might help you to gradually put some boundaries in for the coming new year. Slowly start to scale back gifts for the next round of birthdays and Christmas for all of the dc. It's more important for children to grow up having future aspirations & a good education than mountains of stuff that's forgotton about easily.

Your kids need to learn that things cost money and if they want luxuries then they need to earn to pay for it. Your dd is taking financial advantage of people paying things for her. The only way for her to become independent is for people to stop paying for her. What would happen if her bf ditched her for some reason? Would she find another boyfriend quickly to pay for nights out and stuff etc. Do you see how that makes her look?

Stop feeling guilty and think about how you can encourage her to move out and be a responsible adult. Do you want your other dc to follow her
example? They will if they think
throwing a strop & being dependent
will give them an easy life. It's really important for her deveopment as an adukt that people must stop bailing her out.

[wannabestressfree]

Why have they halved your benefits?

[chocolateee]

Can you return any of her presents for a refund ?

[ghostspirit]

Why would I return her presents.?

stress it's to do with paper work the request for it went to my old address. It will take about a month to sort out

[wannabestressfree]

It shouldn't for tax credits you can ring them and they will do it. Even then they don't just 'halve' them. I don't understand........
I share the sentiment of most the others though...... you are living hand to mouth [you must be if you can't take it from savings etc] and she needs to learn. I would tell her under the current circumstances its not doable. I have had to before. She contributes nothing so why expect to take......
I don't think the constant comparisons with her brother are helpful. Most kids are different and if she has been brought up with a sense of entitlement that won't change if she reaches a certain magic age.......

[ghostspirit]

stressfree it is tax credits. It's only an issue with the baby. But I had been getting money for him. I think it might be that they have stopped baby's money plus I'm paying the money back that I have had so far that's why it's roughly half. I be ok once it's sorted.

[wannabestressfree]

Remember if you are paid weekly you get paid again friday due to the bank holiday.

[ghostspirit]

My tax credits are every Friday anyway.

[LIZS]

Dear me she's an ungrateful cow! Her behaviour doesn't warrant any further encouragement. Just tell her you don't have the money atm and you are sure, as an adult, she'll understand. Tbh I'm slightly shocked at your planned expenditure, your choice of course. But I sense you may be overcompensating for your chaotic lifestyle through buying them material things which simply won't be appreciated for long.

[ghostspirit]

my life style is not chaotic busy yes. Life has been a challenge over the last year or to. But I do my best. Defo not over compensating though. We do similar every year. I agree with the rest though.

[wannabestressfree]

I have been guilty of having a pop at you in the past and to be honest I think 'there for the grace of god go I' as in it's easy to tell you where you are going wrong but I think you are aware of that...., and you bloody try.
Life is not easy. I just think you need to be honest and hope she isn't too stroppy.
And if she is hope she buggars off to the boyfriends
Don't be hard on yourself.

[ghostspirit]

stressfree sod all I can do about it. So hard cheese really. But in general she does not think of others. She had 20.00 in her bank. For some reason her card would not work in the pub she was in. So her bf paid for everything. Then the other day she was asking about hair being trimmed. And I said well if L was paying for you all night should you not do something in return. She just shrugged.

And she tells me how L gets hardly anything for xmas. And then his parents pawn the presents. Even though she sees that. She still does not see how lucky she is. I'm thinking she will be ok. If not I will send her to her bf house haha

I hope that one day she will look back and see what a cow she was.

[Bearsnumberonefan]

£100 is my total budget (each) for my dc so that's all presents, stocking fillers, Christmas activities and the advent calendars. I think 12 presents is more then enough for a 19 year old and she should stop being so ungrateful.