Christmas presents...feeling guilty.

[ghostspirit]

This year xmas shopping was started late because I have had housing issues. And now my money has been halved. And it won't get sorted out till after Xmas.. I have bought 19 year old Dd 12 gifts and they are all things she had asked for. I also said I would give her 100 in cash. But now my money has been halved. It going to be really hard. So I told her I can't give it to her for xmas day but she will get it before new year. But she's made me feel really guilty. I don't feel I should feel guilty. But I'm fighting with myself not to. I think it's because I always aim for xmas to be 100% what they want. This year it's not.

[seasidesally]

yes the young one's really are not going to notice

[MrsAmaretto]

I can understand that you want to make it great for the kids BUT at 19 your daughter is a grown up. Grown ups get a lot less than kids, that's just a fact.

Is she getting you 12 presents?? She really needs to grow up if this is her attitude. Perhaps next year the adults (over 18) should set financial limits on how much they will spend on each other to avoid such whingeing, ungrateful behaviour from her.

[ghostspirit]

Yes she should be old enough. My 14 year old is fine. Some times I think is it the way I done things. But then the others are not like it.

Oh well it is what it is...

[MadameJosephine]

Tell her sorry but she's a grown up now and needs to act like one.

When my DS turned 18 he stopped getting lots of Christmas presents as he is no longer a child and gets one or two small gifts like all the other adults I buy for

[MeadowHay]

Please don't feel guilty, your 19yr old should be ashamed of herself acting like that. But maybe she realises that now since she's been offering to help you with Xmas wrapping etc. Forget about it now, you clearly have a lot on your plate that is more important than a bit of a tiff with your grown-up daughter. Wishing you a happy Xmas and hope things improve.

[ghostspirit]

Yes that's what I was thinking. I have not said anything to her.

She's been hinting over a chair cut and a pair of boots that she really wants

[flapjackfairy]

It is hard because as everyone has said she is an adult who should know better but in my experience 19 yr old girls can be v selfish. I know i was ! She will grow out of it hopefully in the next few years as my oldest dd has done.
I am sure she will soon realise once she has to work and support herself.
You sound like a lovely mum and i hope things improve for you in the new year!

[ghostspirit]

fairy I tell myself that...then people say my Dd is 23/24 and she's like it to. Oh well

[ghostspirit]

I hopes so people with adult kids have told me some i like it at 23/24

[Chelazla]

If you've said ill give it her before new year that's 7 days max of waiting? I think she is being hugely spoilt don't feel guilty!

[Chelazla]

*you'll

[ghostspirit]

Yes I thought she would say it's fine as she can get stuff in the sales

[ArcheryAnnie]

I've got one child and he's not getting 12 presents from me, never mind £100.

Your DD is an adult now, well old enough to understand about household finances and how things work. And if she doesn't, she's going to need to, so perhaps this is a good time to start. You are doing no favours by treating her like a princess. She needs to learn both gratitude and that money doesn't grow on trees.

[MrsBlennerhassett]

Shes being unreasonable and hopefuly she will realise when shes older and has responsibilities of her own!!! You are being extremely generous giving her 100 pound on top of 12 presents in the first place regardless of when you give it to her!

[TheFairyCaravan]

The more you post about your DD the more she pisses me off and I don't have to live with her.

She's a spoilt, lazy mare ghost, and I'm sorry if that offends you but it's true. She had a job but she walked out, she doesn't help you, she doesn't want to move which would make your life easier. It's all about her. Now she's moaning about getting her money on time. She needs a kick up the bum and a huge sense of reality.

DS2 is 20 on Christmas Eve. He is at uni studying to be a nurse and he works in a pub. He's home for the holidays and is helping round the house. If I said to him he'd have to wait less than 7 days for something he would bat an eyelid, and neither would DS1.

[ghostspirit]

I agree caravan her boyfriend does not even get a tenner spend on him and she still does not realise how lucky she is. I just don't get how a 14 year old can get it but she don't. I guess they are different people so I should not compare. But she needs to buck up sooner or later.

[73kittycat73]

You need to put your foot down. It sounds like you are waiting for her to change. She won't. Why should she, she's getting what she wants.
Sorry to be so blunt but that's what your posts screamed at me.

[BlackIsTheNewBlack]

I have a 19 yo dd and some of what you're saying I can totally relate to.
My dd can be very entitled and quite honesty a bit of a brat.
Other times (more and more as she gets older) she's lovely, thoughtful and generous with her money and time.

I've had years with her where I've literally had to sell something for 20 so I could get something for her. She always acted grateful (even if deep down she was disappointed).
Ghost, it's so hard because even though they're adults we still love them as our children and want them to be happy.

Last year we had a bit of a rough time (not over gifts or anything but othwr stuff) and I point blank told her that she was an adult and needed to act like one. If she couldn't act like one she would need to start thinking about moving out.
It broke my heart to say that to her but I meant it.
I wouldn't let a starnger treat me like shit so I'm not going to made to feel like that in my own home!

[JingleBellCock]

12 gifts? She is a very lucky girl...sorry, woman!

Time for her to grow up, I'm afraid.

Don't feel guilty and please don't entertain any whining.

What is she getting you for Christmas, by the way? Is money tight a bit for her? Yeah...well, you can tell her you know the feeling

[ghostspirit]

black it's can't say to much but I have been there to. It's really horrible.

[ghostspirit]

jingle lol if I say that I'm picking on her...

[ghostspirit]

But also I didon't not say before as I was not thinking (sorry) as said I bought her 12 gifts. But ds 14 he has about 9 gifts plus a tv...so I'm not really treating them the same am I

[gemm36]

I have had to have this conversation with my DS 15 this morning, all he asked for was cash to go shopping with his mates and due to several money issues I said to him I will give him half xmas day and the rest before the shopping date. Also I haven't really got him anything to open a few smellys and chocolate because he didn't want anything. I feel extremely bad about this but have told him the reasons and phew he was ok.
I get the feeling awful though it's horrible wrapping up my very small pile of presents last night was horrid.

[ghostspirit]

gem yes I feel like that even though they have more than enough and I don't get why... and what I find mad is my 14 year old ds would be 100% fine with it. I just don't get how a 14 year old would be but not a 19 year old. It seems odd...is it because she was my first ? ....I don't know