Should I tell family at Christmas?

Bec12345 · 2015-11-24T14:13:28+00:00

Hello, we've just found out that we're expecting (6wks) and it's been quite a surprise! We are spending Christmas at both sets of parents and are wondering whether to come clean and tell them or pretend to be on antibiotics and keep it till 12wks. Anyone got any advice?

Xenadog · 24/11/2015 14:25

People don't usually tell until after the 12 week scan because they worry there may be something wrong which the scan will show up so they wait until they can give the complete good news.

We waited until the scan and nuchal screening was cleared before telling anyone expect my ILs as my age meant we had a higher risk of Down's syndrome. We did tell ILs early though as FiL was going into hospital for a triple heart bypass and we thought it would be something positive for him to focus on.

Before we told the ILs we had sil's wedding to get through and I had to do the old "I'm on antibiotics for a kidney infection routine"

ClarkL · 24/11/2015 14:35

I actually would tell them Christmas day. IF something terrible happened whilst you wouldn't want everyone to know, I presume you'd want your parents support?
A girl I worked with announced hers at Christmas, she made name table place names with Aunty, Gran, Grandad etc
plus if your 6 weeks now, it'll be 10 weeks at Christmas and then you've all the excitement of the 12 week scan for the new year

TheGreenNinja · 24/11/2015 14:39

I did - I got a photo calendar made and on my EDD I had printed 'BabyNinja is due' and gave it to my parents.
They opened it, looked through all the pages, didn't twig anything! I had to point it out in the end! I was about 8 weeks pregnant at the time I think.
Congratulations, by the way.

recklessgran · 24/11/2015 14:41

Congratulations on your lovely news. I would tell.
They will be thrilled - it's the best Christmas present you could give them.
[Speaking from experience!]

NicoleWatterson · 24/11/2015 14:42

It's a personal choice, I was very open. Theory being I'd want their support if something happened. But a lot of people seemed surprised at how early I did tell people.
Each to their own, share if you want.
I also think it's nice to share earlier with close family, I won't lie I felt really put out when I found out my sister was pregnant at 12 weeks. Like id been relegated to colleague status.
But I do understand why she waited and quickly had a word with myself!

LittleReindeerwithcloggson · 24/11/2015 14:48

Congratulations!
As its close family I would tell. Great way to celebrate Christmas with the news of a baby...

throwingpebbles · 24/11/2015 14:50

Depends. Will there be lots of other people there. We had an awful Christmas where BIL and his wife announced her pregnancy in an "imaginative" way but DSIL was struggling to conceive at the time and was distraught for the rest of the day. Never that keen on dramatic announcements in front of lots of people for that kind of reason. But if it is just both sets of parents and you guys then it sounds like a nice time to announce the news xxx

Shemozzle · 24/11/2015 14:52

I think I would, it's close family so it's not lien you'd have to tell everyone if something went wrong. There was someone on the TTC board who was going to get an early scan on Christmas Eve to check pregnancy was viable (once a heartbeat is detected then chance of miscarriage drops significantly, 12 weeks isn't a magic number it's just when most people have their first scan) and then add the scan in to a calendar as a gift. I think that's a brilliant idea.

Alibabsandthe40Musketeers · 24/11/2015 14:55

We told our families early as we would have wanted their support if I had had a miscarriage or other problems.

I think it would be lovely to tell them when you have all the prospective grandparents there together :) Congratulations!

KatharinaRosalie · 24/11/2015 14:57

I got an early private scan, as also wasn't yet 12 weeks at xmas - of course that's not a guarantee that all is well, but we saw a heartbeat.

mouldycheesefan · 24/11/2015 15:01

If it's just boTh Sets of parents then I would, providing I had already had a scan. I wouldn't tell before the scan it is upsetting having to update people if situation changes. Go and have a private scan and then you can tell them

chrome100 · 24/11/2015 15:05

My DSIS announced her pregnancy last Christmas day (v early on). We were sworn to secrecy but even if something bad did happen it's your family and they'd be there to support you.

Original poster

Bec12345 · 24/11/2015 15:06

Thank you for all your comments. I think we shall tell them on Christmas Day. Would be too difficult to hide it as we are terrible at lying and family can see right through me! Thinking hats on for the elaborate reveal! Can't wait to see their reaction

OP posts:

JassyRadlett · 24/11/2015 15:08

OP - we told both parents around 8 weeks I think. We had an early scan around that time before we told siblings as we were seeing them at a big event, so that might be an option for you?

DrasticAction · 24/11/2015 15:09

This brought tear to my eye,what a lovely surprise for your family.

fleurdelacourt · 24/11/2015 15:14

We were in this position - we went to get an early scan to make sure everything was as ok as it can be at that stage - we were more confident once we could see the heart beat anyway. then we did tell them - just before Xmas, because otherwise we felt we'd have come unstuck fibbing to everyone.

That was just close family though - we waited til 12 weeks for everyone else

JugglingFromHereToThere · 24/11/2015 15:18

Ooh good - glad you're telling!
How exciting! Congrats

Will be lovely news for Christmas day

I told my family about DS at a family wedding - when we met for lunch in the pub beforehand - so just our part of the family, DPs and DSibs - that was fun and hopefully didn't steal anyone's thunder

DramaAlpaca · 24/11/2015 15:19

Glad you're going to tell them, they'll all be so excited.

LibrariesGaveUsP0wer · 24/11/2015 15:22

Can I just say something about a big Christmas Day reveal?

I don't know how to say this tactfully, but just make sure that you are still happy with it if something went wrong. I don't mean them knowing, but the big reveal.

I had a friend who did this and sadly miscarried. It made the following Christmas awfully difficult as everyone was clearly thinking about the big news they'd had the last year. And before that she kept saying "everyone was so happy on Christmas Day". I think, in retrospect, she wished she'd just told them quietly as she saw them.

Also, if you go for antibiotics do be aware it is the most rubbish excuse going, so you might as well tell them!

coffeeisnectar · 24/11/2015 15:23

So exciting!! I remember phoning my parents and getting my dad on the phone. I told him and he was over the moon!! Told him not to tell mum as I wanted to tell her myself (she was at Sainsburys when I rang). Mum rang me later saying congratulations!! Apparently dad was so excited he practically knocked her over when she was coming in the house in his haste to share the news. Neither of them can keep happy with things a secret :o

I'd give them a Christmas card with grandparents on the front and add "to be" and address it from the bump.

namechangedtoday15 · 24/11/2015 15:27

I'm never quite sure why people wait to tell their immediate family. If you have close family, then presumably you want to share the excitement and god forbid, if anything does go wrong, you'll no doubt want their support.

I appreciate that I may have jumped the gun a little - by telling my parents at less than 4 weeks (I was a tad excited!). They loved that they were involved right from the start, and actually when I did have a bit of a bleed at 6 weeks, my Mum (who lives abroad) was on the other end of the phone listening to me sob and support me through it until we knew everything was OK.

Not that I've watched them ahem there are some great videos on Youtube for the big reveal to grandparents-to-be.

PassiveAgressiveQueen · 24/11/2015 15:30

how many people are going to be there? as it will steal the day from anyone else there who is less baby minded. (yes SIL it was MY housewarming not your announcement party)

LibrariesGaveUsP0wer · 24/11/2015 15:31

I'm never quite sure why people wait to tell their immediate family. If you have close family, then presumably you want to share the excitement and god forbid, if anything does go wrong, you'll no doubt want their support.

Actually, in my case, although I very much love my family, I didn't want them to know at all. We told them early with the first pregnancy because we were super excited, then the next four (I have three kids and have had two miscarriages) not one soul was told until after the 12 week scan. DC3, hardly anyone was told until more like 18 weeks. For me, I'm happier dealing with that stuff very privately.

Not to say sharing is wrong, but that there are lots of very understandable and equally valid ways of doing things.

GruntledOne · 24/11/2015 15:33

I told them at around 6 weeks for no. 1, and similarly for no. 2. However, I miscarried that one and the subsequent one, so kept quiet for pregnancy nos. 4 and 5 till around 13 weeks.

middlings · 24/11/2015 15:37

Libraries I'm with you. In fact, no-one knew about my second MC until a very long time afterwards. My boss I did tell, and he was fantastically supportive - I needed a bit of time off work. But the mothers are inclined to worry, and I didn't need that. Or the questions.

Many congrats OP. They'll be so excited. What a lovely Christmas present