Should I tell family at Christmas?

[Bec12345]

Hello, we've just found out that we're expecting (6wks) and it's been quite a surprise! We are spending Christmas at both sets of parents and are wondering whether to come clean and tell them or pretend to be on antibiotics and keep it till 12wks. Anyone got any advice?

On my first pregnancy I told no one and was waiting unroll 12 weeks. Unfortunately I miscarried at 11+6 but told close family and friends that this had happened. On my next pregnancy I told everyone as soon as we found out at 5 weeks. In my mind I wanted everyone to know so they could be happy and supportive incase the worst happens and I needed their help again.
As I had shared the upset with everyone I also wanted to share the good news (and also have lots of hand holding just in case)
Personally I would tell them. There also won't be any awkward conversations if you can't stomach Christmas dinner etc !

Very much depends who will be there and what they might be going through. I suffer from recurrent MC and struggle with people pregnancy announcements, not that I grudge anyone their happiness or their baby, but it feels like a stab to the stomach when others announce. For me it's best if I can have my initial impact (as it were) in privacy.

Oh God yes. I kind of assumed it was only the grandparents to be who would be there, but you haven't said that. Please be careful of a big reveal at a time when someone else might be holding in the gut wrenching sobs!

It's up to you but when I got pregnant with my DS it was xmas and I didn't want everyone to know but I did tell my mum. We hid it by my mum rotating her wine glass with mine so it looked like I was drinking. She was trollied!!!!

We told everyone as we sat down to eat Christmas lunch.

DM and DF did not say anything.
DMIL said "can you pass the potatoes"
DBro was dumbstruck and waited until after lunch to take me to one side and make sure we'd said what we'd said, because he thought we had and yet all of our parents had refused to acknowledge it at all and to say congrats

So try not to do that, yes

Congratulations!

I agree with some pp that if someone else is there, then telling your parents separately and asking them to keep it quiet for now, might be the best option. You get the excitement of telling them without risking ruining someone else's Christmas.

I know that sounds terrible. Why should you hide your happiness etc...but Christmas can be an extra hard time for anyone struggling to conceive it who has suffered a pregnancy loss. But you know your family way better than any of us so it's your decision.

Just for an example, a relative of mine announced their 3 week pregnancy in quote an elaborate way at a family Christmas meal a few months after our 4th failed IVF. It really took me off guard and I felt horrendous but as I was sat next to the grandparents and all eyes were in our direction I had to put on an Oscar winning performance before excusing myself to throw up in the loo. The rest of the evening was torture.

Your pregnancy is a wonderful thing and of course you'll be bursting with happiness but please be aware of other people who might not feel as you do. x

As others have said, will there be anyone else there who might find the news difficult to cope with or will it be just your DPs and ILs? Personally I loathe those big 'announcements' but we are all different. Do you want to make the day all about you and your announcement?

Actually I wouldn't want to be given that sort of news just as I was sitting down to eat my lunch - I'll probably get flamed for saying this but I think it is a bit of a 'self indulgent - my news is so important' thing to do. But it obviously depends on your particular family set up.

And, congratulations on your news.

So lovely hearing your stories. Have booked an early scan for as close to Christmas as possible. Amazing what they can do! Never knew they existed before today. Good point about not spoiling future Christmases in the event of difficulties. Will have to give it some thought. I'll keep you posted

Ah, congrats!

Good luck trying NOT to tell them!

Anyway, they will guess.

Ragwort I'm in agreement with not wanting it to be a big announcement or the main focus of the day. It is mainly so parents don't start to get concerned why I'm turning down the wine! (Very unlike me!)

Firstly, a big congratulations!
I found out I was expecting on the 19th December last year. We told the grand parents to be at Christmas. We'd had a previous pregnancy end badly (after 12w) and decided that we wanted to share our joy regardless of the possible outcome. On a nice note, it's our little boy's first Christmas this year.

If you are worried about lots of 'are you ok?' questions but don't particularly want to tell them, a good one for close family can be "we're trying and so I've given up drinking".

pooseyfrumpture That is soooo bizarre and awkward. When did they eventually acknowledge it?

It will only be inlaws and siblings there and they have been on our case to provide a cousin for their kids for quite a while! Won't tell them sooner than that as it will take us that long to get used to the idea of being parents. Beginning to love mumsnet

Best Christmas present ever, OP! They'll be delighted for you, I'm sure.

libraries I'm sorry for the losses you've had. When I posted my reply I understood that it was only the grandparents to be who would be present. As you say, we all act differently in the face of adversity / emotional upset, but for me, my parents would have been a great support whether there was good or bad news so would have wanted to share.

Thanks. All a long time ago and I'm very over it. I just meant people react differently, as you say.

I told my mum about 5mins after I did the test! Cant imagine waiting 12 weeks!