DH wants a PS4 for Christmas. WWYD?

[DeckTheHallsWithBartimaeus]

DH has no idea what he wants for Christmas except a PS4. He got the idea because I suggested a handheld game like a DS.

I could afford it (though it's a bit more than I wanted to spend on him as I've already got a couple of other presents for him) but I'm not keen because :

1. We have 2 DC (aged 3 and 1) so he could only play it after they're in bed otherwise they'll be glued to the screen and they watch enough TV as it is

2. I'm afraid he'd be up playing on it late at night, so knackered the next day. We are both sleep deprived atm, me more than him because I'm currently getting up an average of 8-12 times a night with the 2 DC and I rely on giving them to DH from 5am so I can get a bit of sleep and also him looking after them at the weekend so I can nap.

I'll be so pissed off if he plays instead of sleeping and then we'll both be tired and grumpy. But as the only time he can play is after 9pmish he will be losing sleep (I'm usually asleep by 9.30 and he's currently asleep by 11pm - thats how sleep deprived we are!)

On the other hand, I do love him dearly and although I've suggested many other presents there's nothing he particularly wants or needs except a suit which we've both agreed isn't very Christmassy!

So, do I buy it for him? It would make a fantastic surprise as I've refused point blank up until now!

To be honest, the best present which he would love would be a weekend away with me without the DC. But only my parents could have the DC and it's just not practical yet (but is planned for this summer)

Also so as not to drip-feed, DH already has a games computer (not sure which one) and in 8 YEARS together he has never played it. He only plays computer games with his friend a couple of times a year. And a few games on his iphone.

The 8 year old gaming computer is a red-herring, unless he's been updating it every year or so it'll be too old to play any new games.

I'd like a PS4, although not enough to pay over the odds for one at Christmas (I do have an Xbox One, though).

Usually I'd say that if you can afford it, go ahead. It'd probably make his day.

I do think you'll run into issues with it, though. If you won't be happy with him playing it when the kids are awake, he will almost definitely stay up playing it. It's relaxing, and I don't know many people who just play for half an hour. Online games are even worse, because there is a sort of peer pressure to be around for a while.

You can't really give a PS4 on the condition that he plays it after the kids are in bed, but not for long enough to affect his sleep. It's just so unlikely to happen. I understand your point of view, but it's an expensive present, and he will want to use it.

I don't think I'd buy it if I wasn't willing to compromise on letting it be played when the children are awake, OR just leaving him to decide his own bedtime and he can deal with it if he's tired. If it'll cause resentment, it's just not worth it.

It'll sting to see a £350 - 400 console and £50 games sitting around unused a lot, too!

PS4 is really nothing like an 8 year old console. Although the fact it doesn't bother him it might show your concerns about him being on it too much are not founded. If he was likely to be addicted to gaming he a) would have bought one already b) be playing games on his phone/tablet - they are pretty ubiquitous.

It does sound a little bit like you're treating him like one of the children. I have a habit of doing this too since we had kids so please don't take offence. My DH has a console. It doesn't dominate our life at all. He plays it when we aren't doing something together and tbh I quite like an evening where he's doing that and I can read a book and mosy around on here, both of us content ignoring each other.

You know your husband best but the simple presence of a console in the house doesn't mean a house turning into a gaming den of zombie-like screen addicts.

I'm definitely concerned about it not being used much. As I said, his other console has never been used in 8 years.

He used to do lots of sport (daily) but has cut down since the DC are here. Instead he's teaching himself to play my piano and reads lots, which is easier when the DC are around.

If it was 200 pounds I'd get it I think. But 400 is such a lot to pay for it.

I agree I can't give a present with conditions, although I have already said he couldn't play it with the DC awake which he agreed.

I'm still torn.

My colleague thinks I'm mean not to buy it as he obviously wants it. But he could easily buy it for himself too and never has.

If the DC were older I'd be more up for it as they could play too.

You would probably be better getting a Wii between you, something that you can all play on together over the coming years, you can't beat Mario Kart for example!

I wouldn't, then.

It'll go one of two ways. Either it'll be almost entirely unused, in which case you'll waste £400 (there will be a new console in a few years, they don't hold their value very well). Or he'll find that it activates his addictive part, and he'll use it a lot - either annoying you because he's on it and you don't want him to be, or annoying him because he wants to be on it and you don't want him to be.

It sounds like you're only contemplating it because it's close to Christmas and he hasn't decided what he wants yet. If he had a burning desire, I'd say to go for it, but I think he'd already have bought one if that was the case. And it is a lot of money to spend on something that could cause a lot of trouble.

Then again, I love my Xbox One...but I have no DC and therefore I can play when I like. DP even joins in.

at treating him like a DC - not far off sometimes

I think it might be a bit of simmering resentment that I get up every single night with the DC and since DC2 was born, DH gets up early to help me out and is always saying how tired he is. So I'm worried that getting him a PS4 would mean less sleep for him and less help for me.

I did wonder if getting a tablet would be a compromise - can play games but also use it for other things.

I did suggest a wii cos then I could play with it too/do wii fit. I like funny games like that crazy rabbit one (ok i'm not a gamer - I can't remember its name ) but I'm not into football games that DH likes.

Hmmmm tricky decision

I've bought my DH a ps4 for Christmas and have a 4 and 1 year old so quite similar...

He has a PS3 and plays it if I'm out for the night, or for a few hours on a weekend afternoon... We watch movies on it and stream stuff from the laptop to watch together.

I've also bought Disney infinity for 'the kids' so he can use it and play with our eldest DD so they can use it together. (And sing star... For me )

It was a lot of money and I did think about it for a long time, but he has no idea he's getting it and will be over the moon on Christmas Day.

I think you should get it

Agreed I'm only contemplating it cos its Christmas and the only thing he's asked for. Well, he did ask for a book to teach himself how to play the piano, but I'd already bought that so there's my surprise gone

See I had no idea that you could watch movies on it etc.

I actually know very little about a PS4.

Whats Disney infinity?

I don't think it's tricky at all. He's not been banging on about it, he could have bought it if he'd really, really wanted it and it's going to cause a problem one way or another. Frankly I don't see why you are even considering it, other than because you are stuck for a present. He's an adult, you have a few bits for him, if there ate other bits he needs/ wants then get them, don't spend £££ on something 'just because you can't think of anything else.

You also need to a) do something about your kids waking up that much b) being the only one to get up to them. Beyond time for him to be doing his share!

It's a game that comes with a little stand at the side, and you buy characters (I've got DD Anna & Elsa, Tinkerbell, Mickey, Rapunzel and Woody) and you put them on the stand and they appear in the game and you can play in their worlds. I think skylanders is similar?

Singstar is fab too... We have karaoke nights with our friends

Ah if he doesn't have a tablet yet, that sounds like it would be a great option. Can use it for so much more and alot of games are available in tablet version and its portable. Do you know what kind of games he'd like to play.

It is a tiny bit patronising to decide what's good for him though and assume what he does/doesn't want, how he will and will behave BUT I do very well remember those years of sleep deprivation and how any threat to sleep becomes an overwhelming concern!!!! You'll probably feel very differently in a couple of years and by then there'll be an all singing, all dancing new thing and you can be the most fabulous partner then!

Personally I wouldn't pay more than 300, you're paying over the odds at 400 so shop around. That should include at least 1 game. You could buy him a 2nd controller as a gift from the dc. He can then buy himself any other games he wants and games are an easy thing to buy for father's day gifts/birthdays etc. Set ground rules from the beginning, ie he still takes responsIbility from 5am etc. I think he sounds like someone who is willing to make the most of what's already available by picking up piano practice etc but would enjoy this as he's asked for it. Also you can often get decent cash for old consoles so maybe see if he would be willing to part with the unused one as part of the deal?

Give him the PS4 with some vouchers for 'an afternoon off to play PS4' (ie when you take the DC somewhere you were going anyway). So he can get the use out of it guilt free but its also not carte blanche to take the piss. It sounds like you are both knackered and can I just reassure you, I have been there, it gets better.

If he reads a lot what about getting him a kindle? He could download apps and games onto it as well if he wanted.

I thought along the same lines as Chipping - if he wants one so much he would have bought it himself ages ago.
It sounds like it will cause problems either way - plays it too much = more tiredness = resentful you.
Or doesn't play it much = £400 waste of money = resentful you. There's no winning situation here that I can see, and it looks very much like you want to buy it for the sake of him having something 'big' to open.
I'd save the cash to be honest, it sounds like a ball ache from the get go.

It is only around 300 quid now
Would you want to play on it?

I don't think a wii would really hit the spot TBH (and I say that as a wii fan) :o

He's an adult! Why is he being treated like a child who's asked for Grand Theft Auto from Santa? He is a grown man with responsibilities, and for suggesting a games console as a gift it's being suggested he'll forget all about that and start behaving like a teenager. Do you remove all alcohol from the house and prescription medication in case he'll start self-medicating when unsupervised?

DH is getting one but it's more of a family present for us all because we currently use the PS3 for netflix, iplayer, youtube, dvds etc (ditched the TV subscription last year.) He does play on it occasionally too though doesn't get much chance like your DH so he doesn't buy games often.

On another note, £400?! Where are you buying it from for that much? £300 on Amazon!

Sorry but I would find a grown man who wanted a PS4 deeply unattractive.

I prefer my men fully grown up and with a little more depth.

Of you're going to attach conditions to it like he's a little kid then please don't get him one.

Also 400 quid? Where are you shopping?

A man can be deep and grown up and still want a PS4...

My DH is a fantastic husband, amazing father, has a well paid, brilliant, high pressure career that gives us a great life and yet sometimes... He likes to play his playstation!

As a compromise how about a ps vita? its the hand held play station console. its cheaper than a ps4 and has alot of the same games as the ps4. my bf is a bit of a gamer and he has both the vita and a ps4. (we don't have kids yet) and he spends an awful lot of time on it so I totally see where you concerns come from. With the hand held console he could play while the kids are watching TV or playing without them watching what he is doing. He can take it out of the house with him if that's via able. He could even play In bed which might encourage him to go to bed earlier even if he isn't going straight to sleep? he can still connect to the Internet so he can play online if he so wishes and if he decides down the line to get a ps4 they work together.

Why would a grown man want a toy?