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Original poster

Anyone's child receive a "naughty list" PNP or letter? Would you send one?

86 replies

OLittleTownOfBarflehem · 02/12/2013 21:53

How did it go?

DS has been a nightmare this last month. He's had days when he has been an angel, but on the whole his behaviour hasn't been good. We have confiscated games etc and today I considered sending a "naughty list" PNP. Instead I did one of those in between ones, and I bloody wished I hadn't, he was inconsolable. I felt like the shittiest mum in the world and felt so bad for him. Especially when he told me that he'd got three housepoints today for good behaviour and homework.

So, we had a chat about his behaviour, and how he struggles sometimes, and it ended really quite well. I have done another one for the "nice list" for tomorrow.

Would you ever do a "naughty" message?

OP posts:
Mittensonkittens · 02/12/2013 22:13

Awww, how old is he?

I wouldn't do it although I might be very tempted at times!
I'm sure he will be fine once he sees his new message, and maybe it will have the desired result regarding his behaviour.

Taffeta · 02/12/2013 22:15

I did one for DS when he was 7.

It was awful, he was so upset. I told him to put a special effort in, and then sent him a good one a week later.

Not many things I regret, but that is one. Xmas Sad

Original poster
OLittleTownOfBarflehem · 02/12/2013 22:20

He's 8. Tbh, once we had our chat he was fine. He knows that it's not final. He knows that he can behave better, and he understands that Noone holds a grudge.

It really was a sort of "I've got to give this a go" moment, taking away his toys hadn't worked, stopping him from going to play with his friends hadn't worked, and after yesterday's meltdown and general stroppiness, I thought "try it"

I told him that his behaviour today has been brilliant.

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MoreThanChristmasCrackers · 02/12/2013 22:20

No would never do this as its our job as parents to teach them how to behave and lead by example.
Even though they try our patience, are little rat bags that we just want to behave themselves, its one step too far imo.
Have also been tempted though.

AnitaManeater · 02/12/2013 22:23

We did the inbetween one last year. Felt awful too. never again!

Taffeta · 02/12/2013 22:23

You are not the shittiest mum. You did it because you love him, and want the best for him. It will be fine.

The guilt we feel as parents is bloody horrific!

Original poster
OLittleTownOfBarflehem · 02/12/2013 22:23

Taffeta, the look on ds's face broke my heart. How old is your ds now?
Does he remember it?

My mum and stepdad once left a piece of coal in my dbs stocking, after a particularly bad few weeks. They hid his presents in a tent that they'd set up in the dining room, but he refused to enter. He was devastated.

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Original poster
OLittleTownOfBarflehem · 02/12/2013 22:26

Thanks all. Tbh, the final straw was when I was trying to get him into bed last night, I told him that he had lost his Internet privileges for a week. He just shrugged and said "see if I care"

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Taffeta · 02/12/2013 22:26

I know op, I know. Xmas Sad

He's 10 now. He remembers. He keeps saying he doesn't believe, this year and last, but I keep I going, wont admit it, partly because of his younger sister, and partly because there's a world of difference him questioning I and me admitting it.

He got his good one this year. He sat on my lap to listen to it and was grinning ear to ear. Xmas Smile

Original poster
OLittleTownOfBarflehem · 02/12/2013 22:33

Oh, bless him! I agree, there's a world of difference between them wondering and you telling.
Ds has asked this year if it's us putting out the presents. He gets a parcel from jack frost on Xmas eve, with pj's, a book and a note saying that fc is on his way. I asked him who he thought bought that, as it always arrives when we are all in the living room thanks to our lovely neighbours

He beamed at me and said "you're right mum, it just doesn't make sense."

Xmas Grin
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ChippingInLovesChristmasLights · 02/12/2013 22:44

'See if I care' is guaranteeeeeeeeed to make my blood boil Angry and I would make sure they did bloody care - there is always something that they treasure, it's just a case of knowing what it is. Often it's as simple as you being 'disappointed in them'.

He'll live and hopefully his attitude will improve - soon!

intitgrand · 02/12/2013 22:56

why oh why would anybody do this to their child? Manipulative at best , emotional abuse at worst

Original poster
OLittleTownOfBarflehem · 02/12/2013 23:01

Emotional abuse? Hmm trust me, when you're at the end of your tether and their teacher is calling you over every day, you will try almost anything.

I feel bad about it. Wish I hadn't. But it certainly wasn't an impulsive decision, or made out of vindictiveness or cruelty.

OP posts:
QOD · 02/12/2013 23:01

What's pnp mean?

Original poster
OLittleTownOfBarflehem · 02/12/2013 23:02

Oh, and the whole father christmas thing is manipulative, is it not?

QOD, its portable north pole. A message from santa.

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fatherbrianeno · 02/12/2013 23:18

Shocked that the naughty option even exists.. to a child this must be like the Archangel Gabriel, baby Jesus and the three wise men descending from heaven to punch you in the face

Cutteduppumpkin · 02/12/2013 23:24

I do the naughty ones all the time for grown up mates, it makes them laugh.

I never dreamt that someone would seriously send one to a child.

Babanouche · 02/12/2013 23:27

what's PNP?

SanityClause · 02/12/2013 23:30

I hate the idea of FC spying on children to make sure they are "good".

I really hate this idea - it makes me feel very uneasy.

In our house, FC brings presents to children. There is no "naughty or nice" aspect to it, at all. So, FC is not manipulative, here.

goingmadinthecountry · 02/12/2013 23:41

Never. I spent my childhood with my mother having a box packed and pretending to phone social services to take me away to a home on many occasions. I'm nearly 50 and it still bothers me. Never could look her in the eye and tell her I loved her with meaning, even when she was dying. Hurt me and my lovely dad lots to say so and come to terms with. I was a lonely only child.

Oldest of my 4 is 20 and they occasionally have not been perfect to say the least. I hope they have never felt intimidated or truly sad and bereft as I did though. I can assure you that those things stay with you for life.

MummyPig24 · 03/12/2013 01:47

No I didn't. Ds was worried he was going to be in the naughty list, so that tells me he knows his behaviour isn't always as good as it could be, but he was so pleased when Santa said he was on the nice list, and it have his confidence a boost so I was glad I did that. I would feel too mean putting him on the naughty list!

OutragedFromLeeds · 03/12/2013 02:02

2 out of 3 of my DC's got the in between one last year. They were slightly concerned, but not upset or anything, I think they knew it was an accurate representation of their behaviour. They would've known a 'good' one was a set up! I think it's good you can list a specific behaviour, so it's not generally 'bad', just need to try harder on one issue.

I think this year will be the same tbh, an in between one this week and then a good one on Christmas Eve.

nooka · 03/12/2013 02:23

I don't do Santa so I'm not starting from a neutral position, but this does seem really wrong to me. Partly because it's another layer of pretense about something that surely is just supposed to be a little bit of fun?

I can see that strong measures are required in order to respond to a very defiant child, but to me Christmas is fairly sacrosanct and the withholding of Christmas presents should not be used as a sanction. Also I can't believe anyone would really follow through, so don't think it's a great threat.

nooka · 03/12/2013 02:24

But we've all had 'shit parent' moments OP and your son was sure pushing your buttons. It sounds as if the two of you have found your peace so don't stress about it too much. Water under the bridge.

GhettoPrincess001 · 03/12/2013 02:30

Eh ? Portable North Pole letter ? wtf ? I couldn't handle being a parent. I just don't get the code i.e. PNP letter, count to three then we'll do it my way. Just on and on it goes. To much like hard work. Also, this school gate pressure/tiger mom thing sounds scary.

I remember when starting a family just meant having children. Before it because a lifestyle choice with all it's catchphrases.