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Christmas

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Original poster

Anyone's child receive a "naughty list" PNP or letter? Would you send one?

86 replies

OLittleTownOfBarflehem · 02/12/2013 21:53

How did it go?

DS has been a nightmare this last month. He's had days when he has been an angel, but on the whole his behaviour hasn't been good. We have confiscated games etc and today I considered sending a "naughty list" PNP. Instead I did one of those in between ones, and I bloody wished I hadn't, he was inconsolable. I felt like the shittiest mum in the world and felt so bad for him. Especially when he told me that he'd got three housepoints today for good behaviour and homework.

So, we had a chat about his behaviour, and how he struggles sometimes, and it ended really quite well. I have done another one for the "nice list" for tomorrow.

Would you ever do a "naughty" message?

OP posts:

PleaseJustLeaveYourBrotherAlon · 03/12/2013 14:20

Woukdnt send one to s child...arsey teen maybe!

Taffeta · 03/12/2013 14:24

Wow there are some really perfect parents on here.

As well as sending him a naughty child PNP message a few years ago, I also shout at him, and just this morning I chucked him outside in the front garden as he was being awful to his little sister.

He gets screen bans, pocket money deducted and sweet things taken away, as well.

I have never had to do any of this with his sister, who is 7. He pushes, and pushes, and pushes. He needs containment. I am considering a cage

It sounds like it prompted a really useful discussion OP.

YoureBeingASillyBilly · 03/12/2013 14:33

Ive never heard of pnp or that you could get a naughty list sent. Ds1 has been truly horrific recently- so much so that at one point i was ready to drop him off at his dad's as i just couldnt cope but i dont think this letter is something i would do, for much the same reason as i didnt take him to his dad's in the ends. I.e what happens after christmas when they misbehave? What do you threaten then? Surely its just putting off having yo properly deal with whatever the issue is? You cant threaten santa all year long, especially when they know they still get presents every year regardless of behaviour.

aliciaflorrick · 03/12/2013 14:38

I did the naughty/nice last year because DS2 was being horrible and had been for quite a while. He was upset but FC had said on the video that he had time to improve his behaviour and he really did try and improve.

On Christmas Day Father Christmas left him a letter saying well done for all the effort he'd put in to being better behaved and how he'd really tried to get his temper and tantrums under control, and that Father Christmas was very proud of him. He loved that letter, he's been talking about it all month in the lead up to Christmas.

BertieBowtiesAreCool · 03/12/2013 14:40

I've just googled PNP and it came up with loads of stuff but not portable north pole. I've never heard of it before this thread.

I probably wouldn't do it but we don't link FC overly to behaviour anyway.

SoupDragon · 03/12/2013 14:41

Last year I told DS2 he'd been so mean to his siblings that he would only be getting coal and potatoes from Father Christmas.

He shrugged and said he'd use them to make chips.

He was 12 though :)

When they were smaller, I did use to warn my children that FC was watching - usually hissed at them when they were misbehaving - and htis was generally sufficient I don't think I would have sent them a "naughty list" though.

Your DS will be fine though - and hopefully very well behaved :)

Original poster

OLittleTownOfBarflehem · 03/12/2013 14:48

Soupy, I don't know whether to or - tbh, I can see DS saying that.

Alicia, that's really sweet! I might steal that, his xmas eve pjs and book are brought by jack frost, and he gets a note telling him that the big man is on his way. That would tie in nicely.

Taffeta, I completely understand. Maybe its linked to their age, I'm sure I read that boys get a testosterone boost at 7-10 and they go through the terrible twos but really, really fucking badly!

OP posts:

aliciaflorrick · 03/12/2013 15:13

OLittle if you ask him what he got for Christmas last year all he can remember is a letter telling him how well he'd done from Father Christmas. It certainly made more of an impression on him than the PNP video.

He's 9 now, all the other children at school are questioning his belief, but he's absolutely adamant that FC exists, because he sent him a letter on Christmas last year.

SunshineMMum · 03/12/2013 15:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MmeLindor · 03/12/2013 15:59

I have never heard of this, and tbh I find the idea abhorrent.

I have made mistakes, and am not claiming to be a perfect parent but this is horrible.

My children respond well to praise and encouragement, and I try to use positive reinforcement rather than disciplining them. Which doesn't mean that they get away with murder, but I am no fan of the 'naughty step' or taking away treats.

Barf
I can highly recommend the book 'How to Talk so Kids will Listen'.

OutragedFromLeeds · 03/12/2013 16:02

'I have never heard of this, and tbh I find the idea abhorrent'

Maybe you should watch one? It's always good to actually see something for yourself before you judge it.

nooka · 03/12/2013 16:10

I wonder if children who know that their presents come from their parents are less likely to push it around about Christmas time? I don't recall this being a particular issue in our household, and ds has been a bugger at times like most children. In reality if there really was a naughty/nice component to Christmas his sister would get a lot more presents than he does, which would be a bit unfair considering he finds it much harder to behave.

Googling portable north pole I find the idea of some stranger in a Santa suit delivering my words to my children a bit creepy. Santa is a make believe idea, and surely that's half the fun? Doesn't having a 'real' person in a video take away from the imagination aspect of it all?

MmeLindor · 03/12/2013 16:14

Well, I just went and had a look at the site and still find it abhorrent.

What are you teaching a child by sending him this message?

If he has issues with behaviour then address the issues. Don't label him 'naughty'.

And please note that I am not saying that I am perfect. I have made parenting mistakes and have regretted them.

MmeLindor · 03/12/2013 16:15

And can't one judge the idea, the concept, without having seen it? That is an odd statement.

Original poster

OLittleTownOfBarflehem · 03/12/2013 16:27

Mme, I totally get what you are saying, and I do agree (although the whole santa thing is vaguely manipulative in itself. As I said, it was the end of a week from hell. We did his homework (the advent one I asked about on fb) and he threw a tantrum and screwed it all up, so had to redo it. He refused to eat and went to bed hungry, only to ask for food later (fecking mashed spuds) and when I just about reached my limit got a shrug and a "see if I care"

All the well-meaning advice in the world isn't going to change what happened, and I dealt with my mistake in the best way I knew how.

OP posts:

MmeLindor · 03/12/2013 16:37

It really isn't meant as a reproach or some kind of judgement, Barf.

Sounds like you had a bad week and you reacted to that, and if you had thought it through, you wouldn't have. We've all done that.

I snapped DS's favourite DVD in half after he destroyed DD's memory book (with her photos of her friends from Kindergarten, after we moved away). I was in such a rage, and was so upset for DD.

We all ended up sobbing in a heap on the stairs, and I really don't think that it changed his behaviour long-term (at the time - he was about 5yr old, I think).

The How to Talk book really changed my parenting. I started listening to what I was saying to them.

'What have you done now. You STILL haven't tidied your room. Why do you always make such a mess...'.

One of the tips in the book is to imagine your boss spoke to you like that, and how it would make you feel. Fecking awful, was the answer. Once I started rephrasing 'We are not going to the park till you get your shoes on' to 'When you have your shoes on, we will go to the park', it got better.

SunshineMMum · 03/12/2013 16:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Puffinlover · 03/12/2013 16:59

I did good ones for both my DSs a couple of years ago and they saw them on 23rd December. I took them out the following day and the both behaved appallingly. I was furious and embarrased and really really wished I had done naughty list ones!

Snoopytwist · 03/12/2013 17:53

I wasn't going to bother with the PNP this year, but both DS (9) and DD (7) asked whether any messages had come from Santa yet - DD has been playing up a bit recently and although I haven't once said anything about elves watching, she has been getting quite concerned that there's no news from Santa yet!

Did them today - DC's haven't seen them yet - both are on the good list, but DS has had a right little tantrum and I was truly tempted to amend the message

Anyway, there's nothing creepy about a 'stranger' giving a message to your children, any more than a stranger landing on your roof, breaking into your house, eating your food and leaving stuff for your DC's. It's Father Christmas, not a stranger! For those of you who are sceptical - do a message and watch it - it doesn't have to be manipulative - my DC's think it's magical!

OutragedFromLeeds · 03/12/2013 19:06

'And can't one judge the idea, the concept, without having seen it?'

I guess you can judge the idea, but something like this is really about the actual video rather than the idea. It's about how it's done. A lovely idea can be awful in practise and something that sounds awful can be done really well. To judge the specific video that the OP sent her child, which is what this thread is about, you do need to have seen the video imo.

Remember all the upset and outrage about that Ricky Gervais program set in an old people's home? People didn't like the idea of him portraying someone with SN. When they actually watched it, it was handled sensitively and most people completely changed their minds.

You can judge what you like, but for the judgement to mean anything it really needs to come from a place of knowledge about the thing being judged.

Original poster

OLittleTownOfBarflehem · 03/12/2013 19:10

My apologies Mme, I was feeling a bit sensitive. My parents weren't great, so I feel like I'm winging it constantly. I can't ask "how would my mum handle this" because the answer would be pretty shitty.

It really was an End of a Crap Week moment. He has seen the new one, we have put up and decorated the tree, had a lovely evening. He said that he also guessed that it wouldn't be very good, considering his behaviour lately.

OP posts:

Original poster

OLittleTownOfBarflehem · 03/12/2013 19:14

Outraged, yep. It wasn't the "naughty" one, thank god, but rather the in between; telling the child that he could do better. Which he could. That said, I wouldn't do it again, even if it did turn out really well (and actually better than a "nice" vid would have)

OP posts:

OutragedFromLeeds · 03/12/2013 19:20

I've never seen the naughty one, but the in between one really isn't that bad! The elves and Santa are all very positive about the child getting on to the good list .

Neitheronethingortheother · 03/12/2013 19:28

I have been considering doing this with ds and he is only 4. This week he has managed to bring a step ladder upstairs and climb to the top of my wardrobe and share out all the Santa presents I had stashed there, rob 75e from my purse, rob his pure school managers phone and hide it behind our book shelf, hide his sisters bank cards etc.... I would hate to damage him though as I don't know if it would really upset him if he would just laugh it off.

Oblomov · 03/12/2013 19:56

Emotional abuse, said one poster? No. Rubbish. I can't accept it is emotional abuse.

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