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Christmas

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Original poster

I'm not getting the kids a Christmas present

113 replies

IsleOfRight · 04/11/2013 08:18

Well, not strictly true. I am going to get them stockings. These have things like an annual, maracas, a puzzle, choc coins etc. But not a big present from us as both sets of grandparents getting them a big item each and both have a birthday withing ten days of Christmas (one before, one after). Does this seem reasonable?

OP posts:
Snowflakepie · 04/11/2013 16:00

We spend Xmas with family and can't take gifts from us too, it won't all fit. So DD has never had a gift from us on Christmas Day, but plenty from others. I very much doubt that even this year she will notice who gave what. Her birthday is a week later and we will be home, she will get gifts from us then. Then we have a summer Christmas where we can get outdoor stuff, big presents etc. She loves that we have 2 Christmases! The money spent is the same. While they are small, frankly you can do what you want. Agree that once older, the dates are pretty fixed, but also I expect we won't be travelling at Christmas then, not fair on the DC.

Of course, now DS is here, we will need to do things for him just to keep up appearances for DD. He is a summer baby so less of an issue but I like to spread out the presents, when small they change their likes and dislikes so quickly that I would hate to get loads in one go that they don't really like later on.

Do what you want. I reckon the stockings cost about £100 based on what I put in and those gifts can seem amazing to small children. They aren't hard done by if they have any gift at all tbh. Do what you want.

kiwidreamer · 04/11/2013 16:08

I couldn't do it but that's about me and not the kids, I even took a suitcase of gifts to NZ when we had Xmas there a couple of times. However at the end of the day the kids will be none the wiser so if it helps the family finances etc etc and it sits fine with you then go for it.

However I'm still feeling the need to convince you that you could get them some crafty bits, new underwear / pj's / hat (useful clothing), a bath toy, a new book or two and a toy just because and it wouldn't have to cost £50 if you were sensible (ie Primark pj's not NEXT etc), spend some time on the Christmas bargain thread and you will definitely come across something suitable and cheap!

HeyJudith · 04/11/2013 16:34

I think at 3 and 1 then they won't exactly notice the lack of "big"present but I wouldn't continue to do this when they are older (money permitting). Having said that, when I was a girl, a big present was something like a new board game, or a doll (probably not so big compared to today). Also we didn't get "big" presents from anyone else - family bought "small" gifts and GPs gave us money but it went straight to our savings account Hmm Hmm...

If you feel they get present overload at Christmas in the future due to birthday clash then you could suggest they have a present at a seperate time in the year - say March - to spread the fun/presents out. But most children are not so good at delayed gratification :)

Personally I would be buying them a "big" Christmas present for Christmas plus a proper birthday present on the actual day, even though it's close to Christmas (again money permitting). I would certainly ask if they would like the presents spreading out as above, as they got older, but it would be their choice.

TheOnlyPink · 04/11/2013 16:38

They are your children and you need to do whatever you feel is appropriate.

But personally i would feel very mean and that i would be missing out on a precious memory with my children. When i was growing up my mother had nothing, Christmas was very frugal but my memories of the day are so magical and happy that i strive for the same things for my own children even though we are much better off financially than she was.

Ds2 will be 2 the first week of december. We are getting him a big gift then because ds1 gets big gifts for his birthday in august. For Christmas we have spent very little on his gifts, but there will be plenty for him to open. Alot of it will be put away until the summer because we only buy for Christmas and birthday and he has to wait a year for both.

I think you are missing out on a wonderful experience in parenting, but its absolutely your choice. Be confident in it and people wont criticise.

Doitnicelyplease · 04/11/2013 18:00

I think just give them something as a Christmas present apart from the stocking. It could be a nice book set or some clothes, or a nice ornament for the tree, a special teddy bear, something personalised etc it doesn't have to be big and is doesn't have to be more plastic tat.
I think start as you mean to go on.

I am another who loves to think about gifts/christmas and enjoy choosing what to get for my DDs, however my youngest will be 18 months this Christmas and she will not be getting as many big fancy presents as my 5 year old, simply because she won't notice or care and also we have a lot of good toys for her age range already - she will still get a small stocking and some well thought-out gifts and toys but nothing big or expensive.

I will probably follow this trend until she is 3/4 and really asking for particular stuff.

FixItUpChappie · 04/11/2013 20:36

But....wouldn't you enjoy getting them something? Isn't it even a little fun to see those faces light up over a little present you've picked out? You an I are birds of a different feather I guess.

Toys for young kids are pretty inexpensive - especially if you put some thought into it and look for sales. You an I are birds of a different feather I guess - I have to restrain myself from overdoing it. I really love looking through toys - picking out something special and all that.

Aren't they kind of being punished for their birthdays being close to Christmas. That doesn't seem so nice.

FixItUpChappie · 04/11/2013 20:43

hmmm....I don't know how that sentence got in there twice Hmm Multi-tasking grammar fails.

giraffeseatpineapples · 04/11/2013 22:00

YANBU given their ages. My birthday is during christmas week I never particularly put together a problem with joint pressies. My thought would be maybe a nice outfit to wear going to see gps could be wrapped up though and that would be quite bulky inder the tree?

I do remember being dissapointed with a stocking when I was about 13, I got a cher cd (!) and a shakespeare play and not much else - my younger brother got a super nintendo, so lack of christmas presents can cause scars Wink prob not for a 1 or 3 year old though.

MortifiedAnyFuckerAdams · 04/11/2013 22:07

Dd will be two six days before Christmas. She will still get presents for both. I buy what (1) I can afford and (2) what she will like. I then split the gifts over both events.

I couldnt imagine not buying her a gift for christmas based on the fact that her birthday was less than a week prior.

coldwater1 · 05/11/2013 10:04

I have 3 kids with birthdays just before and just after xmas, i stil get them xmas pressies like i do for my other kids. To me their birthdays are totally separate celebrations, its not their fault they were born so close to xmas.

toffeelolly · 05/11/2013 10:36

Sorry but do not understand your thinking. Do you not love seeing your little ones faces with their little presents, that is what brings me so much joy at Christmas.Sorry just think it is so mean.Children are not children for long.

cupcakeicing · 05/11/2013 10:44

I think this is really mean too, it's a once a year magical day. Do you want your DCs to be on mumsnet in 20 years telling mine about their mean spirited parents and
disappointing Christmases?

Rufus44 · 05/11/2013 13:45

Your one year old won't care at all, they will be happy with a biox and crunchy paper for goodness sake

Your three years old will be more than happy with a few little bits, they have no clue how much things are and their little faces of joy will be the same with a few well chosen cheap bits

It's not something I would do or some other people but you are not being mean or grinchy, it's supposed to be about having a wonderful family day together not about how much you spent FFS

Rufus44 · 05/11/2013 13:46

Box by the way, not biox. A biox is probably very expensive Grin

Rufus44 · 05/11/2013 13:47

And by the way, a puzzle and maracas and an annual would all count as presents in this house, so she is getting them presents!

wonderingsoul · 05/11/2013 13:54

dont think a 1 year old would get much out of an annual tbh

Rufus44 · 05/11/2013 13:59

When the OP said things like an annual I did think it would be age appropriate. My five year old (back in the day) got an annual, the 2 year old got a book, and the 6 month old got a baby book.

mercibucket · 05/11/2013 14:52

if they are 3 and 1, fine

dont do it when they are older though, it is tight

peaz · 05/11/2013 15:59

Is a 'big' present absolutely necessary? DS1 (5) is getting a Switch n Go Dino but its not one of the bigger ones. DS2 (2) will be getting the Toot Toot Airport which is physically bigger and costs more but in fairness DS1 has had more money spent on him and has more gifts.

I'm planning on getting DS some bits that he has asked for so I think he'd much rather prefer that to just a random big toy. But I guess in future years we need to think about The Big Gift.

Rufus44 · 05/11/2013 16:56

We don't really do a big gift as such, mostly it's lots of things at under £20

FannyBazaar · 05/11/2013 21:40

Excellent idea and a great one to keep up. My DS is 8, he gets a stocking (or two because we are away over Christmas so the small things are divided up between what works best where), he knows Wink that I can't ever spend more than £5 so is perfectly happy with a small present from me.

He's perfectly happy with the little presents, it's still the number of presents that's important to him. The chocolate coins are still the most important thing.

Mean? Meh! Only a spoilt brat would be unhappy with a Christmas stocking and demand more. I'm not bringing up my child that way.

MERLYPUSS · 06/11/2013 12:30

I used to prefer the stocking to the main gift (unless it was something like my bike I got one year and rode it forever). M&D used to wrap everything in the stocking and I would spend ages unwrapping the lot. I would have one or two ten pound equivilent items, in today's money, from them. I would get money from other people I think.
I am doing much the same with my 2. I have told my dad (only surviving GP) that I do not want anything from him for them. He has insisted he gives them money so at some stage in the new year I will gt something in the sales that they have expressed an interst in rather than buy something coz it's xmas. They will have a present each from their aunts(3) but I am not buying for neices/nephews once they reach 18.
Christmas to me, and my children, should be about having a lovely time together and making precious memories. Not plastic toot that doesnt get played with. Board games and silly fun around the table springs to mind.

jennymac · 06/11/2013 13:34

I think at that age then it is fine to give them just a stocking. I think people who go mad and spend loads of money on toddlers at Christmas are mad. Better to put the money into a savings account for them and give them less at Christmas. It's not as if they will feel like they are missing out.

5madthings · 06/11/2013 13:45

I think its fine, esp when they are little, we have done this a gfew times. Until recently our kids were the only grandchildren and have very generous grandparents and relatives, we don't ask them to get lots and often say they don't have to but thru enjoy buying for them :)

But it would be pointless for us to get them more, so I did stockings and maybe a few little bits but they weren't aware who got them what and they certainly didn't miss out!

Quite often grandparents get bigger presents than we do, purely as they can afford it, its not an issue who buys them what and they certainly won't notice or complain that we didn't get them enough presents!

If I had a child that sat and made note and then complained that I hadn't got therm anything big or enough for Xmas I would be very unimpressed with their rudeness!

Even now they are older its quite common that grandparents buy more for them than we do and as they get lots from them they don't need much from us, I am not buying stuff for the sake of it!

BiddyPop · 06/11/2013 20:09

D will be 8 this year on Boxing Day. We have always given her a present from us as well as Santa coming, and a birthday present. BUT a lot of the things she gets overall are reasonably useful things she'd need anyway, new pjs and undies and socks, hair bobbins, craft things to keep her busy....

There is always a book, has been a puzzle since she was 2, and always something fun whether small stocking things or a bigger gift somewhere.

We also give ideas to family members so that they can get useful things for 1 present, like my parents and siblings got her a desk and storage unit for her room 2 years ago when we had just converted the attic and dd moved in 4 days befo Christmas. DH's parents usually. Give her a proper track suit, top and bottoms, as she is into sports. When she was smaller, we organized a , few things she'd need later that year like tricycle, walker, duplo/lego (now great for small extra sets). There are loads of things you can do sotthat they are not spoiled, but we personally have always felt it important to mak both occasions and that she got something from us as we give to each other for Christmas.