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Christmas

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Original poster

I'm not getting the kids a Christmas present

113 replies

IsleOfRight · 04/11/2013 08:18

Well, not strictly true. I am going to get them stockings. These have things like an annual, maracas, a puzzle, choc coins etc. But not a big present from us as both sets of grandparents getting them a big item each and both have a birthday withing ten days of Christmas (one before, one after). Does this seem reasonable?

OP posts:
notapizzaeater · 04/11/2013 09:50

My brothers birthday is Xmas day, no one in the family was allowed to buy him one big pressie. He had his birthday gifts 2 weeks before Christmas so he still had a separate day. Even now (he's 43) I buy him 2 gifts.

That aside at 1 and 3 they will be e delighted with anything so id get them something small and let the grandparents spoil them.

wonderingsoul · 04/11/2013 09:55

being so young they prob wont even notice.. the 3 y ear old might..mine would..but then i have an older child.

perosnally i would buy stuff that they would grow into using or things they could use.. like clothes or funiture for their room

i also agree with qualty over quanty.

GimmeDaBoobehz · 04/11/2013 10:02

Depends on their ages I think .

HenriettaBrain · 04/11/2013 10:03

My kids are 3 and 1. I've bought them presents, I want to see the look on their faces when they come down the stairs and see all the new presents. Even if they don't truly understand, it's still making memories, being able to take photos etc. seeing DS's face on Christmas morning last year (when he was 2) is one of my fondest memories of being a parent so far! His face just lit up, and he was amazed! It doesn't have to cost the earth, there is some great ideas on the bargain thread, and I've bought some things off gumtree.

In reality, you only really get 7/8 years of the true 'Christmas magic' so you should make the most of it. Once the children are day 10/11 (maybe even earlier) they won't believe in Santa and Christmas just isn't the same when they are that bit older!

LEMisafucker · 04/11/2013 10:09

I think the stocking, brilliant and maybe a really unusualy keep sake type present? I can't stand the way we are expected to throw money at our kids every year, like its a competition to see how much they can get - I am going to try for the less is more approach this year, even though i have a nice tax rebate sat on the side put aside for xmas i don't want to buy stuff just for the sake of it. So yes, unless there i something they are desperate for (assuming you can afford it) Then YANBU

fuzzpig · 04/11/2013 10:19

I don't think it's terrible at that age. And some of the things in the stocking might be what others would class as main presents anyway (eg a puzzle - I am getting one or two for DS and the boxes are too big for the stocking).

This kind of thing serves as a reminder that everyone is in a different family situation - it really depends who else is giving them presents. We have a tiny family (and my parents don't choose presents) so if we didn't do anything the DCs would have pretty much nothing to open on the day.

That said I don't think it's fair to make them miss out just because their birthdays are near Xmas (bitter experience) not when they're older anyway

oscarwilde · 04/11/2013 10:20

I would make a fuss of their birthday in preference to Christmas.
A stocking from Santa/Father Christmas and grandparent presents is more than enough for children that age.

That said, we do give presents from us and we are careful to keep the stocking within bounds and that Santa doesn't magically drop a huge stash of stuff down the chimney. If we want to go overboard I think it's important that they understand it is from us rather than think that Santa gives them a ton of stuff and they get nothing from their parents.
I simply don't understand parents who think that's a good idea - it must be so weird to be a child and find out that a peer has received Xbox and a bike from Santa and they've received some token stuff. I was one of them and as I got older it made for some very awkward conversations with peers whose parents didn't go mad with the Santa stuff.

jamtoast12 · 04/11/2013 11:14

I agree with some of the others, it doesn't matter when their birthdays are or what others buy them IMO. Mine both have birthdays at end of nov and the GPS spend over £150 each on them at Xmas but there's no way I couldn't give mine a present? I'm surprised a 3 year old wouldn't notice. I don't think others buying for my kids gives excuses me buying (finances permitting of course). Personally I would feel ad if my kids got more of someone else than they did of me/Santa?

There's always a few threads like this at xmas and I have to admit I often wander if they are for real or people provoking a reaction Confused

Badvoc · 04/11/2013 11:16

Seems a bit unfair to me.
Not their fault when their b days are!

Rufus44 · 04/11/2013 11:20

If they are young I wouldn't worry about big presents at Christmas

I have one child with a birthday on the 19th of December and one on the 3rd of January

I have always bought lots of presents for them at Christmas even when they were little (last year it was 20! Some very small but loads to unwrap) but it is what works for you

I8toys · 04/11/2013 11:26

YABU - its my mum's birthday Christmas eve - I treat it as her birthday and nothing to do with Christmas.

She gets presents for her birthday just as if it was any other time of year and then she gets her Christmas presents.

Wait until they get older and peer pressure kicks in.

Ragwort · 04/11/2013 11:33

At 3 and 1 they really won't know who has bought presents for them so no, YANBU, I remember my child at that age was inundated with presents, actually it was quite obscene and most of it went to the charity shop. No 3 year old is going to ask 'what did you buy me for Christmas, Mummy?'.

Personally I would feel bad if my kids got more of someone else than they did of me/Santa? - but why would you feel that? Confused. Some of the comments on this thread (ie: I like to see their eyes light up at the sight of the presents) - is more about the adult's feelings rather than the child's.

DziezkoDisco · 04/11/2013 11:36

YADNBU, at 3 & 1 they wouldnt have a clue. We often dont get them main presents and their birthdays are months away from xmas.

And as for peer pressure, don't bow into that shite. My 8 year old would have his own tv/ipad/mobile if we tried to keep up with some of the kids in his class.

When they are older you could get them a main pressie, but mine still arent arsed. They get stuff from 2 grandparents and an auntie.

Ragwort · 04/11/2013 11:36

I8toys - I think it is a totally different situation for an older child or an adult.

And I don't get all this 'wait for peer pressure' stuff, surely if more of us 'stood up' to the peer pressure then there wouldn't be so much. My DS (12) would no doubt love a tablet/Xbox/ipad/Wii for Christmas but he knows we just won't buy anything like that Grin.

INeedThatForkOff · 04/11/2013 12:59

Bit of a drip feed OP. At 3 and 1 the scenario is quite different from what was implied in your first post (an annual for a 1yo? Hmm). Personally I would disregard age, as to me - and I have DCs of the same ages - it is about creating Christmas magic and family traditions. My 3yo definitely knows what's going on, and I will be treating 1yo DS the same, as much for her benefit as anything. Why I want her to think that she gets treated at Christmas but he doesn't?

Age aside, I think you're being tight.

Marne · 04/11/2013 13:23

I think it's ok at that age, why not get them a helium balloon, wrap it up in a big box? ( balloons and boxes are great fun ). At that age mine were happy with play dough, a balloon, colouring books and books. If they are getting something huge from grandparents and gifts from other family members then there's no need to buy much, I do think you should give them something though but doesn't have to be anything big as they don't understand the value of things.

aintnothinbutagstring · 04/11/2013 13:27

Christmas magic and family traditions, of what? buying loads of shit, thats all your kids will learn christmas is about, that its just about 'stuff', you can create magic and tradition without spending a penny. They are providing a stocking of small gifts, not a lump of coal, many years ago that is all children would have received anyway.

My dh is christian from another culture, he doesn't understand this western construct of christmas at all, where he comes from children usually receive a mere handful of presents and usually practical things like a new item of clothing.

3bunnies · 04/11/2013 13:47

At that age I think you can more or less establish any pattern you like. As they both have birthdays near Christmas as long as you end up doing the same for both it will be fair. I can see why people with a birthday at Christmas would find it unfair though if their other siblings had more presents as they had a June birthday. I found though as I got older a birthday within 2 months of Christmas meant I could get a bigger combined present :) Might have to remember that one for dd2 one year as ALL the 6yr olds in her class have their own tablets!!! wasn't born yesterday

An alternative idea could be to give one less present at birthday and one more for Christmas. I do that with my dc who have birthdays a few months before and after Christmas - I keep some for/from Christmas.

If it is buying everything at once then you could do smaller birthdays, bigger Christmas and a half birthday treat/summer toy in the summer. We usually celebrate their half birthdays with some patisserie on holiday in France! It always seems weird giving them an outdoor toy in Feb.

Luggage16 · 04/11/2013 13:51

I would probably opt for gifts that could be enjoyed later in the year - a magazine subscription, membership to soft play or a zoo, vouchers for days out etc. And maybe consumables like fun bath stuff or craft bits, books etc. I think most kids would feel a bit dissapointed xmas day to not get something (though if mine had birthdays that close to xmas i would spend less but treat them in the summer too).

Ragwort · 04/11/2013 14:04

A one year old is not going to feel 'disappointed' at not getting a gift from his/her parents Hmm, the three year old won't know who is giving them what.

Well said aintnothin - I hate this obsession with the volume and money spent on presents, people get totally obsessed with it. There is so much more to Christmas than a pile of tatt presents.

jamtoast12 · 04/11/2013 14:14

Depending on your own traditions and routine, on Xmas morning my kids usually know exactly who is giving them the presents as they are handed to them? In our house, Santa brings them the presents inc main etc (just how I was brought up). Family presents are from the giver and are handed face to face when we all see each other later in the day.

My dds can remember pretty much who got them what year on year. Of course if presents are piled up before christmas en masse, then that's different but in my house if the kids came down to four presents from Santa and then got 15 from the Nans, I'd feel pretty naff and they'd soon question it. Plus I don't think GPS etc should be relied upon to buy presents Confused. I bet they'd be a log of miffed GPS if they thought parents weren't buying just because they were!

Its worth noting that what a lot of parents consider tatt, is probably a much enjoyed item for a child. I'm more than happy to fill me house with to Xmas morning fi the kids enjoy it :)

I think the one year old needing a gift is more for the benefit of the 3 year old knowing Santa brought them both something, more than what the baby needs itself.

weasle · 04/11/2013 14:23

YANBU. I did the same at that age. We are luck and have/had generous grandparents. Also, DC2 has a Dec bday. The presents can be overwhelming and for several years we didn't buy them very much at all. Even this year we're looking to get one big family present -a piano or a trampoline and a few bits and books and GPs will get toys for them.
Save your money for when they are pestering for expensive toys!

FreakoidOrganisoid · 04/11/2013 14:26

Been thinking about this a bit more OP. I think in your situation I'd wrap one of the presents (eg the annual) and give that as a present rather than a stocking filler. I wouldn't buy more stuff just for the sake of it but would want them to have a present from me separate from that.

Journey · 04/11/2013 14:40

You'll get away with it because of their ages but I think it's mean. The truth is you don't want to spend money on your dcs but are happy for your relatives to part with their money.

If you didn't want your dcs getting a big present at Christmas then you'd tell the grandparents not to get one either. Funny how your happy to take from them without any issues!

JugglingFromHereToThere · 04/11/2013 15:46

Don't be so mean spirited Journey
Most DGP love getting something for their grandchildren I imagine.
Am positive I wouldn't mind at all if I was in that position one day, especially for such wee ones.
With older ones I would suggest getting something from parents too, but doesn't need to be big or expensive - just thoughtful
eg my dd just told me she's looking forward to a new book coming out from her favourite author, so I'll be getting her that.