Ahem. It's the 25th September, which means....

[FellatioNelson]

That I hereby declare the Fellatio's Poncetastic Christmas Thread Part 4 open for business.

For those of you who do not know WTF I am on about, read this from 2010 by way of explanation:

OK, first of all, I know it's still September by we need to start this thread now because as you all know, having a truly Poncetastic Christmas involves precision planning, strategy, bravery, heroics, and frequently martyrdom. A bit like the war in Afghanistan, only with nicer food and sparkly shoes.

So, if you, like me, actually want to make the next twelve weeks of your life a misery by hand-crafting your cards, finding a huge bucket for Nigella's turkey in brine, pickling pears, shrivelling oranges in a low oven for those rustic au naturel decorations, dragging half a holly bush back from the woods, and just generally being a smug annoying jobsworth ponce, join me on this thread.

Feel free to post photos of previous tree-trimming, cake icing or table centrepiece triumphs, discuss this year's bauble colour themes, debate the merits of Delia versus Gordon, road-test a selection of canapes and cocktails, (all in the line of duty) and link to lovely inspirational photos/craft ideas for a truly Poncetastic Christmas.

Warning: If your idea of a good Christmas involves Pizza, ITV, gravy granules or anything with 'Aunt Bessies' on the packet, this is not the thread for you.

If you want to read the previous three threads for Christmas 2010, 2011 and 2012 search my name in the Christmas topic.

In the words of the great Mike Reid from Runaround, G-G-G-G-G- GO!

You mean not everyone actively seeks out, and gets excited by, different ways of wrapping presents? Weirdos...

I've just emerged, bleary eyed, from the clutches of Pinterest, thinking it might be time for a mid-morning snack, to find it's nearly 2pm. Oops...

Am loving all this.

Thanks Isaac for the mincemeat recipe, am in Los Angeles [grump] so will definitely have to make my own for the first time. Am excited about stir up Sunday. Anyone have a killer Christmas pud recipe?

My poncetastic contribution for today is christmas pudding chocolates, which are so easy and great poncey gifts for neighbours / petit fours for after dinner.

Crumble shop bought (yes!) fruit cake into a bowl and add enough booze of your choice to make it just moist enough to stick together (be cautious, it will go soggy in a flash). Roll into balls (individual chocolate size), it will go doughy, CHILL the balls, then coat (dip) in melted chocolate, milk or dark according to preference. (Don't use cadburys, it's too sweet, supermarket own belgian stuff is a good bet). Cool til set on a baking sheet lined with greaseproof paper. Then drizzle white chocolate over and finish with a little snip of red glace cherry and angelica (green). All you glitter heads can also add a sprinkle of that. They are SO poncey and cute and more importantly outrageously delicious.

You're welcome rootypig. Jealous of you being in LA- I have family there. I'm definitely going to make those christmas pudding chocolates, they sound amazing. Thanks for sharing!

I've been trying to find an organiser that I really like but nothing has switched my lights on - any suggestions or links pleeeease?

Don't be jealous Isaac, it is so un-Christmassy and they wouldn't know ponce if it fell into their cornflakes [judgey pants]. Fortunately I am back in the UK in November and will be filling my suitcase with suet and mixed peel

You can get the divine chocolate coins on this site . They have some other nice bits, and the cards are normally good quality.

rooty ...take a drive out to Palm Springs.... they used to have a seriously poncey Christmas shop on Palm Canyon Drive.
(couple of really nice shops and coffee stops too ) Worth checking to see if its still there, maybe?

I want to come back!!

rooty I can just imagine a suitcase full of suet and mixed peel!

I love LA though. My family live in San Marino :)

ethelb I'm truly impressed

Christmas pudding chocolates sound amazing, thank you rootypig .

I've had a terrible year for hydrangeas. Luckily had an amazing harvest last autumn and newborn DS saw me not do much with them. They were pink and are now a lilac colour.

What do I do with them?

Right, I bought a sewing machine yesterday so I can now start buying some lovely Christmassy fabric now. The plan is to make a stocking for DS and some decorations for the tree. I did have thoughts of also making an advent calendar but I know it's pure fantasy to think I can design and make one before December. At least with a stocking I get another 24 days poncing time. DH won't let me do any Christmads sewing until I have sewed the laundry basket liner thing that needs doing but is so not exciting compared to Cheistmas poncery.

And I just want to say, the Mary Berry's Christmas Chuntney IsaacCox linked to earlier is THE ONLY chutney I have made ever since I first tried it something like 10 years ago.

Yay, it has begun! I ponced in 2011, and had very good intentions of poncing in 2012 but it all went south. I got as far as buying that Sarah Raven book, but I think it terrified me into tinsel and bisto (almost).

May I just say, my favourite quote thus far as been

"...and I'm already planning my fudge schedule." Thanks, PaperPomPom!

waitingforme you could use them on a wreath, lilac hydrangea with cream faux roses and some silver would be lovely, pomegranates would tie in with those colours too

@ruby thankyou so much. Trying to figure out how to get to poncy yarn shop tomorrow. We are supposed to be celebrating dps 30th
Wrt the poster who was allowing their nine year old to decorate the tree with hm decorations.
Do it.
Our dm let us (me and dsisx2) do it one year. We mourned how bad the coloured lights and tinsel looked and here i am with my hm scandi-chic colour coordinated decorations, importing xmas eve pj fabric at unaffordable expense and suggesting people exacerbate the debt crisis further by introducing them to william sonoma. My dm is proud.
Do it. It will be the making of a poncetastic dd.

www.williams-sonoma.com/m/shop/christmas/christmas-bakeware/ linky

clinky link

www.williams-sonoma.com/m/shop/christmas/christmas-bakeware/

damn you ethelb, I want ALL of that, and I will have no cupboard space or money to make cookie dough or indeed feed my baby.

Edited actually I have a friend who will be in Palm Springs from mid December. I am totally taking a poncetastic drive out there. Will have several glasses of naice wine then hit up this poncey retail grotto, hard

Sorry for trillions of posts - am rereading thread for little nuggets I missed first time round eagerly devouring the ponce. ethelb would you share the provenance of this divine Christmas fabric? I am in the US and there have to be some compensations

madebyjoel.com/2012/12/paper-city-nativity-scene.html

Hello, I just found this ^^ and thought I would share the link, I will try and print this for my LO's to colour in!!

kyrkkaffe.libris.se/?p=3581

Also this linky ^^ for colouring in.

I have made some orange decorations this weekend, I did not dry them long enough in the oven so they are still soft but I will try again, here is the website I used for instructions if anyone is interested.
www.cookquiltmakeandbake.com/2011/12/07/make-dried-orange-slice-ornaments/

ethelb, I love Williams Sonoma! I went to New York Christmas shopping a couple of years ago and came home with half a suitcase of assorted sprinkles and Christmas decorations. I plan to spend a happy half hour this morning browsing the website with a coffee

Those links are great, BillyGoat. I just all of those 12 days of Christmas crafts and want to make the popcorn garlands and the stars on a string as well.as the orange slices.

Olivia well done on the forward planning. And I like the sound of damsons in the freezer - very poncetastic.

If you will be 35 wks upduffed at Christmas then I predict that as twins usually put in a bit of an early appearance they will be Christmas babies and they should therefore be named Jesus and Mary.

Or Holly and Robin.

Or Noel and er...er...........Mr Blobby Angel, or Star.

Please do as I say.

You should also go out to your garage and start scattering lots of straw on the floor to make it more comfy for you to lay down when you are giving birth. Can you borrow a cow? for authenticity? If you don't have a manger use a wheelbarrow. It'll be fine.

For those wanting to add glitter to jam etc, I've found the best to be the edible glitter stars (I got mine from Lakeland) as they show up better in the jar, then call it "Strawberry Glam" .

Re. Bacon Jam - IT IS AMAZING!! Haven't made it for a while, but DH is constantly nagging me too. It doesn't keep like normal jam/chutney, so need to keep it in the fridge and use fairly quickly. It is not really jam, more of tangy bacon relish, but is AMAZING with eggs!

Right ladies, I mean business. I am making my cake today. I will I will I will. I have been to easily distracted this last week but I am on it like sonic now.