Ahem. It's the 25th September, which means....

[FellatioNelson]

That I hereby declare the Fellatio's Poncetastic Christmas Thread Part 4 open for business.

For those of you who do not know WTF I am on about, read this from 2010 by way of explanation:

OK, first of all, I know it's still September by we need to start this thread now because as you all know, having a truly Poncetastic Christmas involves precision planning, strategy, bravery, heroics, and frequently martyrdom. A bit like the war in Afghanistan, only with nicer food and sparkly shoes.

So, if you, like me, actually want to make the next twelve weeks of your life a misery by hand-crafting your cards, finding a huge bucket for Nigella's turkey in brine, pickling pears, shrivelling oranges in a low oven for those rustic au naturel decorations, dragging half a holly bush back from the woods, and just generally being a smug annoying jobsworth ponce, join me on this thread.

Feel free to post photos of previous tree-trimming, cake icing or table centrepiece triumphs, discuss this year's bauble colour themes, debate the merits of Delia versus Gordon, road-test a selection of canapes and cocktails, (all in the line of duty) and link to lovely inspirational photos/craft ideas for a truly Poncetastic Christmas.

Warning: If your idea of a good Christmas involves Pizza, ITV, gravy granules or anything with 'Aunt Bessies' on the packet, this is not the thread for you.

If you want to read the previous three threads for Christmas 2010, 2011 and 2012 search my name in the Christmas topic.

In the words of the great Mike Reid from Runaround, G-G-G-G-G- GO!

Yesssss! I am here, would have arrived sooner but had to fight my way out from barrels of Christmas pudding vodka which is steeping and glass jars and bottles awaiting sterilisation joyous times!

Aha, I can't believe I didn't think of cutting them into 4 When do you divide them, just after baking or jut before you marzipan and ice them?

I would divide them just as I was about to ice them (in fact that's what i did last year!)

I am new to this thread,but am actively embracing ALL things poncetastic - and imagine, my joy to hear today that my Mary Berry Christmas book has been despatched!!! whoop whoop!

I have seen people use baked bean tins for mini round cake tins.

Now is a good time to pick seed heads for spraying. Allium, honesty and aquilegia are the ones I've picked for my christmas arrangements

Thankyou for the mini cake advice, I shall be the proud maker of poncey small Christmas cakes this year I may give the small ones away as gifts and make a traditional larger one to keep. I can imagine DH's response if I start hoarding bean tins though!

I want a poncetastic christmas but i dont really want to make anything myself,i want like a faux poncetastic christmas..

A faux poncetastic Christmas is entirely possible. It's expensive but entirely possible.

Waitrose, John Lewis, notonthehighstreet are your friends.

Thanks for the tip about freezing the sloe berries, I keep pestering my Dad to come out and pick some with me but he keeps insisting we wait till frost. Last year when we went out the pickings were slim to say the least!

I do a mixture of making some food in advance (pickled onions, chutney, red cabbage etc) and then I order from M&S Food To Order so on the day we can have a lovely meal but we can just heat it up and spend more time playing with the DC.

Talking of which, when is the M&S Christmas food going to appear on the website? I love planning what we are going to order!

I have used baked bean tins and suchlike as mini Christmas cake tins but prefer to do the big square cake cut into 4 method. Much less fiddly and less guessing required to work out the cooking time!

Thanks for the advice about cutting a large Christmas cakes into smaller ones. I would never have thought of that and it saves me spending money on new tins!

My Kirstie's Christmas crafts and Christmas crafts by Catherine Woram have arrived today. Not had chance to look through them yet though. Just waiting for my Cath Kidston organiser now.

I have also ordered a jam pan, funnel, wax disks and labels for the jams and chutneys I'm going to make. This was the cheapest jam pan I could see on Amazon, hoping it'll be good.

I've decided the things that I'm making to go in jars this year are-
mincemeat
Nigella's chilli jam
Mango chutney- not sure which recipe yet
Mary Berry's Christmas chutney
Chocolate and banana jam
Strawberry and champagne jam with edible gold glitter in
And possibly bacon jam

Marking my VERY important place (name change from kirstoll) but I officially can't start until DD's birthday 21-oct. see you all again then! (recipes being gathered, tinsel being shredded and woven together, garlands being designed, candle holder being MADE- it's chriiiiiiiiiiiissssstmasss)

My goodness, bacon jam! I think DH would appreciate the novelty of that and glittery strawberry and champagne jam sounds fabulously poncetastic!

Marking place for another year of poncery. I'm probably not hosting this year, which gives less opportunity for showing off, but frees up quite a bit of time. Chilli jam is definitely on my list for this year. Not sure what else yet.

So exciting. I am sloe picking tomorrow. Was going to wait but this thread has got me in the mood.

Yay. Places marking so I can catch up later!

I loved your thread last year but found it too late.

Isaac, the glitter jam...ooohhhhhhh my god, the glitter jam. I actually love you.

Tbh, I might just put the glitter in everything

F A B!!

This is the glitter I bought.

Bought the cheese making shennanigans from Lakeland so I can have home produced cheese on my cheeseboard this year. Or maybe next year...

Oh wise ones, I'm thinking of making some sort of a cranberry chutney for turkey related leftovers. I've seen a recipe in Nigella Christmas and in Delia. Any recommendations?

Oh wow - homemade cheese! Sounds amazing.

I have peeled 1kg of shallots ready to pickle for tomorrow. I can only smell onion now ...