Ahem. It's the 25th September, which means....

[FellatioNelson]

That I hereby declare the Fellatio's Poncetastic Christmas Thread Part 4 open for business.

For those of you who do not know WTF I am on about, read this from 2010 by way of explanation:

OK, first of all, I know it's still September by we need to start this thread now because as you all know, having a truly Poncetastic Christmas involves precision planning, strategy, bravery, heroics, and frequently martyrdom. A bit like the war in Afghanistan, only with nicer food and sparkly shoes.

So, if you, like me, actually want to make the next twelve weeks of your life a misery by hand-crafting your cards, finding a huge bucket for Nigella's turkey in brine, pickling pears, shrivelling oranges in a low oven for those rustic au naturel decorations, dragging half a holly bush back from the woods, and just generally being a smug annoying jobsworth ponce, join me on this thread.

Feel free to post photos of previous tree-trimming, cake icing or table centrepiece triumphs, discuss this year's bauble colour themes, debate the merits of Delia versus Gordon, road-test a selection of canapes and cocktails, (all in the line of duty) and link to lovely inspirational photos/craft ideas for a truly Poncetastic Christmas.

Warning: If your idea of a good Christmas involves Pizza, ITV, gravy granules or anything with 'Aunt Bessies' on the packet, this is not the thread for you.

If you want to read the previous three threads for Christmas 2010, 2011 and 2012 search my name in the Christmas topic.

In the words of the great Mike Reid from Runaround, G-G-G-G-G- GO!

Poncing on hold for me at the mo as this week I have gone down with a stinking cold and found out I'm preggers !!!!

Once my shock & illness has abated, I will be cracking on with the poncing & making piccalilli and some mincemeat. I did manage to go out and pick 3kg of sloes on Monday, so will be making enough sloe gin to see us through at least 5 years!!

Just started to eat my way through peanut butter to make plastic snow globes - the kids are allergic so they can't help me out!
What's your best Xmas biscuit to bake and give?

Oh attheendoftheday that recipe is so simple, it is perfect! I will give that a go! Thank you!

I'm going to give that blueberry jam a try. It looks so easy.

Congratulations Zeeky.

I'm going to make peanut butter and vanilla fudge for MIL in a bit. I didn't love it but she devoured a huge box in about 6 hrs.

This recipe.

Congratulations Zeeky!! How far along are you? I'm finding 1st trimester tiredness is hindering full on ponceing hoping it eases soon! Too much to do!

JUST CLICKED ON LINK ABOVE AND TROJAN VIRUS WARNING COME UP!

The one that says THIS RECIPIE

Thanks guys! I'm barely pregnant - about 4 weeks. It'll be #3 for us. It's a bit of a shock as hadn't really started trying for a baby as DH not keen on having any more but I'd been trying to talk him round. I must have ovulated way earlier than normal - my body was taking charge!! We're both overjoyed though .

Sorry Leesmum. It comes up fine when I click on it. I'll report and have it removed.

Done.

That link was fine when I looked at it at about 10pm by the way.

theOneWithTheHair I'm not sure what happend, a big red square popped up on laptop with a warning and a scan began, I still never got to see your recipie!

Congratulations Zeeky

No problem leesmum.

I don't want to be responsible for buggering up someone's computer.

I can post the very,very simple recipe later when I'm not on my phone if anyone is interested.

Congratulations Zeeky !

I would love the peanut butter and vanilla fudge recipe, please!

For anyone making the blueberry jam recipe, I generally add two or three times as much water as in the recipe as I find it dries out very quickly (but maybe this is because of the pan I use?)

valdeeves - Could you do a quick post on how to make them

I would also like the vanilla and peanut butter fudge recipe please

I've done the Cranberry and Apple chutney. I'd really like something nice and bright to make next, all my things so far, although lovely, they're all shades of brown/orange and I'd like to brighten things up, does anyone have any ideas?

Just wanted to say a massive thank you to the person who posted the pickled gherkin recipe right at the beginning of the thread. We've just tried ours and they're bloody fantastically gorgeous. No way they'll last until Christmas, I better make some more!

Titsalina you could try the gherkins or nigellas chilli jelly, both nice and bright.

Ooh was it me with this recipe?

Hope so, as we have some in the cupboard and it would be nice to know its nice - although that may not help its chances of survival till Christmas

I know tis has been done before but can anyone recommend a nice Christmas tree?

We have always had a real tree but tis year DD will be 15 months. She's already walking and into EVERYTHING!

I'm going to get a cheapy argos one for the playroom that the kids can decorate (I'm a child minder) but I need a beautiful one for the bay window...

bymoonlight it was you, thank you! My whole extended family love them and have asked for the recipe. Fortunately we have hundreds of cucumbers growing so I can eat make loads!

Slippersocklover thanks for the ideas, we indeed have a banister and shelving so that will definitely help for the first year of ponce in our house!

I love The Nightmare Before Christmas! All these Jack Skellington references are making me think of Hallowe'en planning though...

Yay! Glad to know its nice hanbee

Can't wait to try it now .. must resist!

Hi - in a nutshell you use shower sealant glue to stick an Xmas decoration to the lid upside down. Then you fill a jar with a bit of washing up liquid, water and some glycerine and glitter. Then you seal the top with the sealant and voila - snow globe! The mag also suggested putting a stencil inside first and painting it on the other side of the glass - a snowflake or dot pattern in a festive shape.

And congrats Zeeky!!! Xxx