Ahem. It's the 25th September, which means....

[FellatioNelson]

That I hereby declare the Fellatio's Poncetastic Christmas Thread Part 4 open for business.

For those of you who do not know WTF I am on about, read this from 2010 by way of explanation:

OK, first of all, I know it's still September by we need to start this thread now because as you all know, having a truly Poncetastic Christmas involves precision planning, strategy, bravery, heroics, and frequently martyrdom. A bit like the war in Afghanistan, only with nicer food and sparkly shoes.

So, if you, like me, actually want to make the next twelve weeks of your life a misery by hand-crafting your cards, finding a huge bucket for Nigella's turkey in brine, pickling pears, shrivelling oranges in a low oven for those rustic au naturel decorations, dragging half a holly bush back from the woods, and just generally being a smug annoying jobsworth ponce, join me on this thread.

Feel free to post photos of previous tree-trimming, cake icing or table centrepiece triumphs, discuss this year's bauble colour themes, debate the merits of Delia versus Gordon, road-test a selection of canapes and cocktails, (all in the line of duty) and link to lovely inspirational photos/craft ideas for a truly Poncetastic Christmas.

Warning: If your idea of a good Christmas involves Pizza, ITV, gravy granules or anything with 'Aunt Bessies' on the packet, this is not the thread for you.

If you want to read the previous three threads for Christmas 2010, 2011 and 2012 search my name in the Christmas topic.

In the words of the great Mike Reid from Runaround, G-G-G-G-G- GO!

Sainsburys have 25% off kilner jars.

I went on a foraging spree today, I got a large Kilner jar of sloes, one of blackberries and one of elderberries.

I was going to start the alcohol prep but DS2 broke his wrist.

In other news, my Christmas planner came! :)

Ah. I hope ds2 gets better soon.

My lovely MIL broke her thigh or hip today. Still waiting to hear from the hospital. :(

I may have to put poncery aside while I make her a few treats. Anyone have any ideas?

Have located blackberries at Teco and have just put my blackberry infused vodka in the cupboard - hope it tastes lovely by Christmas Day!

Chilli jam made today (red)
I'm going to do green too.

Blackberry Brandy is in the jar being jiggled daily, I'm going to do chutney soon, my nan has demanded a jar or 10 to see her through the winter like every other year.

TheOneWithTheHair is your MIL crafty? Sounds like she will be laid up for a while and perhaps would appreciate a craft project to keep her busy for a while. Knitting pattern and some lovely wool? Needlepoint pattern and threads? Or something else to pass the time. Books or talking books? Nice mix of songs for her on a cheap MP3 player?

Thanks somanysmiles books and music sounds like a good idea. She's not crafty at all, in fact it bores her rigid but she does like to receive crafty gifts which makes her one of my favourite people.

She's been operated on today for a very mangled thigh bone so here's to a speedy recovery.

I did start my Jack Skellington decorations today though. They are going to look fab!

I love to have a beautifully co-ordinated house, all in the same sort of colours but my tree is always a riot of homemade colours and shapes and glitter made by me and the dcs. Everything tries to outshine everything else.

I love my tree.

Please can I ask for help on blackberry alcohol? I've got a freezer full of them and the gin/vodka/brandy/all of it sounds fab? Am going to try and be more poncey (?) this year, am ok with the foodie stuff but not so much on the craft side so am shamelessly stealing ideas [big grin]

Are you just asking how to make regular fruit alcohol, or how to ponce it up a bit?

If doing normal fruit alcohol, I'd just defrost the berries, pop them in a kilner jar and cover with twice as much alcohol as berries (frankly, it really doesn't much matter - more makes it stronger and thicker, less makes it more delicate). With blackberries you probably want a tablespoon of sugar or two in there.

If you want to ponce it up you can add spices - cinnamon or vanilla, just whole ones (ground will make it gritty), or a bit of orange zest (not the white pulp bit, any of that makes it bitter).

Then just look for pretty bottles to decant it into.

I am in love with this thread, last year I had a very young baby so wasn't pouncing it up much but I want to definitely make some gifts this year.
Love the Victorian Xmas cake! Xxx

Hurrah - I love this thread. I don't care that its 6 20am & I've been reading it in full from the beginning since 5am.

My favourite thing as been the glitter poo. Followed by the orange slice tree decs

A merry poncetastic Christmas to one and all - must be time for a baileys?

Will be ordering the organiser in a mo . Cake is a Delia recipe and will be made next week.

Am fortunate to live in a house that screams poncetastic, and who am I to argue...

Thanks LRD not really a spices person but will definitely give the nice bottles a try, have ordered the organiser too!

Just read the orange slice decorations link (thank you Billy ) and another page on the site reminded me of something quite poncey which I did with the DCs for many years .... and think I shall repeat now with DGC.

Hand-made Nativity

Was delighted to see that Fimo is still available ...although I suppose you could do it with salt dough, if you wanted to start from scratch each year, and paint the pieces.

We had so much fun doing it, adding extra or updated figures, over a number of years.

DD's manger, with glow-in-the-dark baby became the stuff of family legend! (yes Fimo do a g-i-t-d block .... you just don't have to mind the infant Jesus being a faint shade of green

We do our figures with polystyrene balls stuck onto polystyrene cups with a hot glue gun. Then you draw on faces, glue on hair and fabric clothes.

Ok so fingers crossed we should be moving house in a few weeks, house itself chosen based mainly on 'where will the inflatableSanta tree go?' 'Can I have a mahoosive dining table for family Christmas?'

A question for decorating tho, which would go better at Christmastime, brown and green (DH says 'dark lime' I've said I need to see a swatch as sounds horrific), brown and navy, brown and purple? Am of course trying to push for brown and red but DH thinks this will be too much year round

Because of moving I'm planning to leave all the foodie/drink gifts until we're in, end October/begining November as I don't fancy packing a load of pickles and chutneys and lugging them cross village country. But will it be too late for drinks? Planning on blackberry vodka and Christmas pudding vodka/brandy if that helps.

Christmas cake/pudding - would love to 'test' different recipes but you only get one shot every year. Should I stick with tried and tested Delia or branch out and try something new? Scared it won't be as good and I'll disappoint but it could knock Delia out of the park and I'd never know! Ah the pressure!

Turkey - how good is Nigella's bucket really? Have stuck with good 'ol Jamie for the last two years and have been very happy with it but I just love the full on ponciness and ceremony of brining a turkey in a bucket! But does it taste nice/better?

Sorry for the ridiculously long post, but I'm stuck planning on the sofa whilst sucking on bread sticks thanks to allday morning sickness, and I'm armed with my Christmas planner and biro and can't stop over thinking everything!!

Question for chutney makers...

I was going to go to Ikea today to get the kilner style jars however its quite a distance away.

I read somewhere that some people were using the tesco/sainsburys value lemon curd jars (screw top) does anyone else use these and will they be sealed enough?

Help please! I want to make this mango and apple chutney. Do you think if I make it next week, it'll still be ok for Christmas hampers or should I wait? Going to Tesco this afternoon for some other stuff and was wondering if I should get the ingredients for this? Thanks :)

mumtoone1, I've used value jars before and they worked fine :)

MrsHoratioNelson, your Lekuchen recipe seems fabulously easy, thanks! Though DH looked at me like this when I explained what I was laughing at! I think he thinks I'm being slightly ambitious with the poncing this year.

Owl' I've always done Delia's Christmas cake, but I'm trying Mary Berry's this year after trying a very successful apple pie recipe of hers.

I tried making Nigellas spruced up vanilla cake as well last year, but it was a major flop, being still raw in the middle. I'm not sure where I went so wrong to be honest!

Thanks Issac your a star! Just been to Sainsburys and stocked up. Going to make a lemon frozen yogurt with the curd so it doesn't go to waste.

I also got some kilner wax discs to put on top of the chutney just in case for extra seal :)

Guys what would be a fantastic homade gift for children? When we are together, the ages are 1,2,3 and 4.

Good home-made gifts for children - dye some playsilks, make sensory playdough (with food colouring, spices and flavourings, and glitter), gingerbread house with twinkle light inside. Treasure basket for the little one? Ribbon streamers on sticks. Hand-made felt daily activity calendar. Signs with their name on to put over their door/bed.

Brilliant!!! Thank you

Made some fabulous apple and chilli jelly from foraged apples yesterday, and some wonderful pear and apple chutney (which also has quite a kick) from some scrumped pears.

Must go and pick green tomatoes today before the frost gets them, to make some green tomato ketchup. Green tomato salsa already in the freezer.

Oh, and must convince DP that he needs to do the sloe gin TODAY or it won't be ready for Christmas.

Unfortunatly I also have work....