Fellatio's Poncetastic Christmas Thread 2011 is.....

[FellatioNelson]

open for business. Knock yerselves out.

Those of you with an ice cream maker - which ones would you recommend?Potential for more ponciness abounds!..

The bigger the better! I have a teeny magi mix one and it's too small and the paddle is too plasticy. Having said that I have been known to buy ready made custard and chuck it in the ice cream maker at the beginning of a meal which gives us ice cream by the end of the meal.

Depends on what you have to spend

I have one with a freezable bowl (wedding present so lasted!) and it's fine but I;d adore a 'proper' one as sometimes in warm weather the bowl warms too fast and it does not work.

I've got a Philips 0.8 litre one, it has a separate freezing dish which you need to put in the freezer for 24 hours prior to making the ice-cream. The motor and churning paddle fit onto the lid, basically you pour the cooled mixture in and the paddle circulates it so that it gets even exposure to the freezing dish, and you get a smooth and evenly frozen texture. I like it, even though it is basic. I think there is a magimix one that is good too. If you get an extra freezing dish you can make more in one go, they do tend to lose cold after a while because there's nothing keeping them frozen.

The ones that freeze and churn at the same time are the most expensive, but you don't need to freeze anything in advance.

I have a Zyliss metal scoop, essential as home-made ices are very hard unless you give them enough time to soften up before serving.

I can recommend Rosemary Moon's Ice Cream Machine Book for recipes and techniques. The benefits of home-made means they taste fantastic, and you know exactly what ingredients are in them, so you can make dairy free, colour/preservative/flavouring free, and so on. The only thing is, because of lack of stabilisers and preservatives it is best eaten within a fortnight of making she says. I can't see it sitting in anyone's freezer that long tbh! What a hardship having to finish up the ice-cream, I don't know how I cope. Although it means you can't really make it too far in advance.

Have just seen a Magimix Le Glacier machine in the Argos catalogue for £42.99, 1.5 pint capacity.

Ah okay thanks guys! So I assume some (have never looked into this before so am totally clueless) freeze at the same time as mixing and are therefore several hundred pounds, and some you freeze the bowl/plate (?) and then put it into the machine?

Girly - will have a look - thanks. Am just not sure if it's one of those things that sounds awesome but in reality I will not use it very much - we're not massive ice cream fans although do have it sometimes. More occasionally than regularly though. Perhaps it's not worth it...HAving said that my inner ponce is desperate for a quick/easy homemade pudding machine for dinner parties - does it do sorbet too? Assume so...

Kingsroadie, it freeze/churns whatever you want, you just have to make the mixture first. Rosemary Moon's book covers ice-cream, sorbets, sherbets, gelatos, ice milks, and frozen yogurts. All the machine does is churn and freeze. The benefit is that churning breaks up the ice crystals so giving a pleasing texture, and it is quicker, approx 20-25 mins to get a soft "ice-cream van" consistency. If you made it by hand, you'd have to keep taking the container out of the freezer every hour or so and stir by hand to break up the crystals, and it would take hours.

During the summer, we take advantage of the local PYO strawberries, and make them into ice-cream in less than an hour after picking.

You're right about how they function. I don't make ice-cream all the time, which is why a less expensive one is ideal for me.

Barrystar, please give us your recipe for the vegetable/soft cheese/ caramelised apple thing, it sounds lush!

Now that Alouiseg is a fabulous idea. Why have I never thought of that? You could add bits, too. So then, when you say it is hoem-made you are only half lying.

Is that how you spell lying? it doesn't look right.

I just have a small ice cream maker that cost about £25 and tou havr to keep the bowl in the freeezer, and it makes about 1.5 litres. I hanker after a big fuck-off one that churns and freezes all in one. They are about 450 quid I think.

Complete typing fail, sorry. And there was me worrying about how to spell lying.

£256 in Lakeland fellatio, not much then

Popped out today and noticed that they ahve some amazing wired ribbons in Wilkinsons for £1 a pack: I bought animal (zebra) print, beautiful twenties style peacock and a lovely sparkly icy blue. As they are 4m a roll not bad at all.

Also have the M&S food catalogue for Christmas now: food porn heaven. Am annoyed though as the cake plates and things that I really love are all now in the Kirty Allsopp range and we have a friend who calls me by her name so can't bring myself to buy one. Typical!

Is that all? Oh, that's ok then.

Ah splendid Fellatio - I shall pop out and buy one in time for tonight! Or... maybe not. Will def have a think about the other less expensive alternatives, given I don't eat that much ice cream. Could def be a potential Christmas present though! Also, am a huge geek so will spend ages researching various brands.

Have just been out Christmas shopping for the afternoon - managed to get a few birthday things (Nov) for my daughter and also some stocking fillers! And some amazing christmas hungry caterpillar wrapping paper (planning on brown paper with some stamping for ponce factor for us/all other adult relatives, hungry caterpillar for her) on 3 for 2 at Waterstones.

You missed a trick there Fellatio! A tub of Waitrose posh vanilla custard with the black seedy bits in looks vair authentic - a handful of raspberries and some of that raspberry liqueur from the roundy bottle and you have boozy rasperry ripple, rum and raisin is worth doing too, especially if you soak the raisins for a few days first. Mailbu and Pineapple is going to be my next effort, I'll let you know! Lakeland sell the vanilla extract gel which has the vanilla seedy bits in for extra homemade authenticity.

Coconut and lime is pretty damned acceptable too; as is marmalade on a cold evening with a pongey pud, and cinnamon with apple crumbles. Also looking at a Baileys Biscotti as got a free sample on FB and it was gorgeous.

But plain coconut with gallons of double cream is my fave, simple as adding heavy creamy custard to dess coconut and some coconut cream. Yum.

bailey B with home amde biscotti crumbles.

Gotta be done!

Evening all. Thank you, really thank you, for kind wishes about kitty. It's so comforting. I've lost cats before, but honestly, I'm being so pathetic about this one, he was only eight months old but was the loveliest cat I've ever had. And like I said elsewhere, the remaining cat is bereft - there's nobody playing Kato to his Clouseau - and he's wandering around all disconsolate. And condolences to those of you who've also lost pets, tis horrible.

Anyway, time to get down to the important stuff! Here's the Big Root Pie recipe:

Serves 10 - 12

450g/1lb carrots, thinly sliced diagonally
450g/1lb parsnips, thinly sliced diagonally
2 sweet potatoes, thinly sliced diagonally
50g/1 and 3/4oz butter
125g/4 and 1/2oz Gruyere cheese, grated
175ml/6fl oz double cream

FOR CARAMELISED APPLES

15g/1/2oz butter
1 tbsp light muscovado sugar
4 apples, peeled, cored and cut into wedges

1. Preheat the oven to 180c/350F/Gas 4. Grease a large shallow ovenproof dish. Layer the vegetables in the dish; dot each layer with the butter, season with salt and pepper and sprinkle with cheese (reserve some for the top). Pour five tablespoons of water over, cover loosely with foil and bake for forty minutes.

1. Make the caramelised apples - heat the butter in a frying pan, add the sugar and stir until dissolved. Toss in the apples and cook over a medium heat for 3 - 4 minutes, stirring until golden.

1. Pour the cream over the vegetables, then spoon the apples on top. Sprinkle over remaining cheese and bake for forty minutes more until the vegetables are tender and the topping is golden

TIP - This can be made a day ahead up to the end of step 1. Keep in fridge until ready to finish cooking.

And on the subject of ice-cream - have nice recipe for rose petal ice cream and also a honey and brandy ice cream.

Have we decided on decorating colour schemes yet?! I've got to come up with a new one this year cos wasn't happy with last year's. Have dark grey/blue settee and some red and purple scatter cushions, and last year did tree in purple, red and gold but didn't look right. Any suggestions welcome!

I have made rum and raisin ice cream - it was divine. I macerated the raisins (well, they were sultanas actually IIRC, fatter and softer and juicer) for days and they were very rummy.

Barry, what about going with blues, silver and pewter? Or white, silver and pewter? Or just various shades of gold, you can get some decs that are so pale they almost look silver. If you vary the shapes, sizes, textures, and shades of one colour it can look very effective. I think all would look good with your sofa.

Alternately, cover sofa with a big throw if it is causing colour chaos, and stick your cushions on top.

My book has a recipe for pumpkin ice-cream, that would be a novelty for Hallowe'en. I bet no DC would fancy it much, as it's (whispers) of vegetable origin!

The terrible thing is I now reeeeeaaally want that Cuisinart ice cream maker! £219 on Amazon. Hardly a bargain though. I think it was talk of Rum and Raisin that did it. Or Rum and Sultana.

Amazon call it the Cuisinart Professional Ice Cream Maker. Perhaps it's time for a career change?

I have the Lakeland ice cream maker. Bowl in the freezer jobby. £40. Does the job.

We have grey sofas and bright blues and greens, but I don't theme the colours for the Christmas decorations. We have lots of these up, and the tree is covered in a mishmash of decorations from Christmases past. I like to think it looks individual and a wee bit retro. Some of the baubles are divine, others are cheese incarnate ( eg my 1977 Snoopy one ) but they all have their memories.

I am sniffier and poncier about anything else though that isn't on the tree. I got these last year, and this year would like some of these.

Hi can I join?

I'm having a rather all out Christmas as I'm getting married on 10th December and we're having the reception at our house. The house is being completely renovated (while we live in it) and I'm having multiple colour schemes, lots of fab food and drink oh and a winter wonderland marquee in the back garden. All of which I'm doing myself (bought the marquee off eBay and am sewing the inner curtains myself).

I've made my cakes (Christmas cake naturally) which will be decorated as a pile of presents and got paint mixed in B&Q today to match some wooden decorations I love so I can create a garland for the staircase.

I'm thrilled to find this thread as my darling fiancé is already getting a touch sick of Christmas. Silly man, what did he think it'd be like having a festive wedding?

WFM congrats, that sounds fabulous! I ahd a wedding booked for December 12th 2000- then met Dh. Oops!

(Obviously a bit more painful lol- not so much scarlet woman as just sick of it woman )

Christmas ake number one, for Mum, in oven: she can't stand almondy anything so instead of our usual amaretto it's a rum one. Will alsobe done with a glazed nut topping due to marzipan hatred (though do have a hazelnut version recipe now, which I will give her to see if she likes)

I say well timed. I was already married when I met the man who was blatantly meant to be my husband. Getting divorced so you can go on a date is a big hassle I can tell you!

I love the idea of hazelnut marzipan! Will have to give that a try.

I shall post the recipe later WFM.

Waitingforme your wedding sounds amazing. I got married on 27th dec and i wish now i'd done all you have it sounds fabulous. I hope you have a wonderful day.