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Original poster

Christmas Day Lunch Trauma..(MIL)

105 replies

lovingthesun · 26/11/2010 20:13

We are off to the inlaws this xmas day. MIL is very excited BUT is very very territorial in her house.

I'm a fussy bugger (only eat organic chicken, in fact only buy it from a particular local farm). Today have received an email stating how looking forward to it she is, followed by, I'm cooking beef, what can I do for you & the DGC, tell me & I'll get it in.

Well, the last time she 'got it in', DD's & I ate revolting skinny & sinuey chicken thighs from M&S (she objects MASSIVELY to organic). I loathe thighs. I felt very embarrassed, but ate it & even now, feel a bit gaggy at the mention of thighs.

So, I would like to bring my own luscious breasts Grin & my own coffee, as they only have caffeinated filter coffee or vile instant coffee. But I've been told not to bring anything...I feel very uncomfortable & in a way controlled..it doesn't make any sense to me...

OP posts:
MadameCastafiore · 26/11/2010 20:14

You feel controlled - honestly get a grip you are being asked for dinner at someones house and you want to be in control.

DuelingFanio · 26/11/2010 20:15

I think you're strange but then I will ONLY drink Organic milk so I can't judge Grin

Tell her you will bring your own as you want to contribute.

KERALA1 · 26/11/2010 20:17

I dont mean to be rude but I feel abit sorry for your MIL...

taffetacat · 26/11/2010 20:19

It is only the one day. Keep the old bird happy, you will be her in 30 years. Have a good breakfast before you go and just eat a little. Gorge yourslef as necessary on Boxing Day.

whoknowswhatthefutureholds · 26/11/2010 20:25

I think tbh you are the one with an issue and she is being incredibly kind to offer to make you something different.

Say you will make your own dish, bring it pre-prepared and god help your own DIL.

lal123 · 26/11/2010 20:28

Get a grip woman!!!!! She's offered to do you something different to the rest, it's only one day, one dinner - Confused

traceybath · 26/11/2010 20:30

Golly M&S chicken is hardly that bad really - pretty sure it was probably free-range at the least.

Just take a hamper of stuff as a present for her that you know contains your favourite coffee etc.

But you do sound very fussy and I can say that with impunity as I am exactly the same Wink. Luckily my in-laws just put up with my funny ways.

traceybath · 26/11/2010 20:31

Are you just there for the one day or for a few days?

MinkyBorage · 26/11/2010 20:32

I really sympathise because I'm the same. I went through a stage of only eating organic chicken, the thought of eating any nasty intensively reared crap makes me shudder, and I just couldn't do it. However, I do not think it's my place to be telling other people where they should buy their food from. I told everyone I was vegetarian, and only ever ate vegetarian when at someone elses home. Then when I inevitably got caught out (when they came to my place and I could buy my own meat) I said that I was lapsing and that really I didn't like eating meat, but did have it every now and then. They all thought I was a huge PITA but I didn't have to eat their skanky meat and they didn't have to spend £££ on organic. Anyway it all got a bit too much and I've been completely vegetarian now for a few months so I'll be off the hook.

You should definitely take your own food.

mummyshreddingnora · 26/11/2010 20:32

she actually sounds like my MIL and trying to be REALLY helpful! She knows you are fussy and has offered to get in whatever you want! So either be honest and say really sorry but I only eat xyz meat ... I would be more than happy to bring it myself so as not to put you out, or tell her not to do extra and just don't eat the meat! Sheesh!

She is inviting you to hers for xmas - its really not the be all and end all

I really do get MIL issues but this is so not one I am afraid! Confused

nameymcnamechange · 26/11/2010 20:39

What are you confused about? If you have really strict rules about what you will and will not eat, then you have to suggest or provide the alternatives.

Email her back with: "I know I'm a terrible fuss-pot about chicken, just treat me as if I was a vegetarian. Let me know if I can bring anything to make catering for me easier. Also, I'm afraid my body cannot tolerate caffeine, so will be bringing my own decaff coffee. Looking forward to Christmas v much ..." etc.

Dexterrocks · 26/11/2010 20:48

I agree with namey. Take your own but do it in a friendly way as your MIL is trying to be helpful by the sounds of it.
I would be very controlling myself if I was cooking Christmas dinner as it is quite stressful and you do feel a certain amount of pressure, especially if you know some of your guests have different taste and you know you don't really understand it yourself.
My kids and I are vegetarians so I really do understand your distress. We have this problem all the time.
Take your own chicken, from your own farm and present it as a lovely treat you are spoiling her with for Christmas. Do the same with the coffee, "A friend gave me some of this and it is delicious, you must try some..."
Try really hard to view it in the Christmas spirit that I am sure it is intended. We all have to try hard to tolerate our differences.

thighsmadeofcheddar · 26/11/2010 20:51

M&S chicken would hardly be Tesco value bird.
I agree with MadameC. Get a grip.

Ragwort · 26/11/2010 20:51

If you are so demanding why on earth have you accepted an invitation to lunch? Surely it would have been better all round to invite MIL to you and then you can cook whatever you want?

Seems strange to accept an invitation for a meal and then complain about what you will be given.

namey has good advice.

HumphreyCobbler · 26/11/2010 21:05

Chicken thighs are much nicer than breasts.

nameymcnamechange · 26/11/2010 21:12

(SO true Humphrey).

Original poster
lovingthesun · 26/11/2010 21:28

Ok,I have a feeling that DH's granny won't be with us for much longer & suggested to DH we do xms with them.

I, for all the reasons above, would LIKE to take my own meat/coffee/herbal tea.

MIL is saying NO. And, she'll get in a huff.

So, her, FIL, DH & DG will eat her stuff & be happy, whereas I get dross. Oh & they'll probably be a be only alcoholic puddings which the DC won't be able to eat.

Yes, would be better to eat cauldron veggie sausages & drink water.but I don't get WHY she doesn't want allow me to take a couple of decaf filter things & some herbal tea. Oh & she buys value apple juice too, because she objects to me not allowing them to drink no added sugar squash.

I'm not controlling them, I'm trying to assert myself without causing a war (which I've done before !)

I think it's a matter of opinion ref chicken breasts/thigh...

OP posts:
Ilythia · 26/11/2010 21:35

Don't be so precious.

She doesn't want you to take things as she probably wants you to have the time off thinking about providing stuff for the family. She might just be trying to be nice. Strange but true.

If you can't eat the chicken tell her you are not eating meat.

escape · 26/11/2010 21:36

'Trauma' ??? Boo bloody hoo.

Leslaki · 26/11/2010 21:38

FFS glad you're not coming to my house!!! Are you for real or taking the proverbial?!! No-one will die beacuse they ate M&S chicken or value apple juice!! Try and enjoy it - my XMIL used to serve up the entire Xmas meal in a holeless spoon so you got he mushy overcooked veg and value turkey with a huge portion of cooking water. But we ate it cos they're family. Take a step back and think about what your futire DIL may say about you and your funny/huffy ways!

Leslaki · 26/11/2010 21:39

By the way my ds has always eaten Xmas pudding - the alcohol gets cooked off..... Personally I don't like it so just say "no thanks, I'm full after such a lovely dinner".

PortlyBlackSantaUpTheChimney · 26/11/2010 21:39

You sound a total pain in the arse to be honest.

Why not eat the beef? Why not let your DCs eat the beef?? You're clearly not veggie - why do you even need another option...?

Original poster
lovingthesun · 26/11/2010 21:41

Ilythia, well, I am precious.

It's not about her thinking about me, it's about her not wanting me in the kitchen. No-one is allowed in the kitchen. It's much easier for me to bring a couple of breasts then to post on her because I'm fretting about how to rely to her email.

Yes, we would invite them to our house, but the granny is VERY old & can't cope with the journey.

hey escape......biscuit

OP posts:
SparklyJules · 26/11/2010 21:41

Oh for gods sake, stop moaning. You have been invited to eat a meal in another woman's home and she is trying to accommodate your fussiness by cooking you a separate meal and yet you still complain!

I think you are being very rude. If she wasn't your MIL would you still be like this?

If I am invited to a meal at someone's house I am a gracious guest, I do not take my own food and I thank them for the meal they have made for me.

It's ONE meal. At Christmas, when she is excited to have you and her grandchildren.

You ungrateful, miserable sounding curmudgeon.

Portofino · 26/11/2010 21:43

As I am abroad, I get guests from all over. Some are veggies, some are allergic to the cat, some have dairy and egg allergies. I try my very hardest to cater for everyone and make them welcome.

OP, you on the other hand sound fussy and precious.