Christmas Day Lunch Trauma..(MIL)

[lovingthesun]

We are off to the inlaws this xmas day. MIL is very excited BUT is very very territorial in her house.

I'm a fussy bugger (only eat organic chicken, in fact only buy it from a particular local farm). Today have received an email stating how looking forward to it she is, followed by, I'm cooking beef, what can I do for you & the DGC, tell me & I'll get it in.

Well, the last time she 'got it in', DD's & I ate revolting skinny & sinuey chicken thighs from M&S (she objects MASSIVELY to organic). I loathe thighs. I felt very embarrassed, but ate it & even now, feel a bit gaggy at the mention of thighs.

So, I would like to bring my own luscious breasts & my own coffee, as they only have caffeinated filter coffee or vile instant coffee. But I've been told not to bring anything...I feel very uncomfortable & in a way controlled..it doesn't make any sense to me...

Get over it

You can do one day without meat, just eat the rest of it. Fill up before hand if need me. You can also do without precious drinks.

oops, it wasn't that it was M&S, it was the fact that they were thighs. Horrible.

I would have gratefully eaten M&S/tesco/asda/whoever else does organic breasts. I only buy it from the local farm for us at home, everywhere else I go, I say fish/prawns/veggie.

Yes I will be veggie. yes I will drink wine & water.

Actually, I may send a list of my 'requirements' & see if she wants me to bring stuff after all.

sorry but ROFL at "freshly pressed apple juice", are the apples picked by virgins?

you just come across so precious.

unless they are true allergies or intolerances they are not "requirements".

What do you do when your children go to someone else's house for tea? Surely they will come across concentrated fruit drinks at that point?

Librashavinganotherbiscuit I understand they are

I think what is not coming across maybe is MIL's unwillingness to actually provide what she has told you to specify?

eg- you say you'd like organic chicken, but she doesn't get that, she gets ordinary chicken (yeah- so what, it may be M&S, but that is not the same, battery is battery)

She is happy to pay £10 per bottle of wine, but won't buy the children something nice to drink on a special day.

I understand- this does seem to be about control... but I think you have to just go with it for 1 day (think you could get away with the teabags though- surely a doctor's opinion overrides most people's?)

alibaba- love this>>> "What do you do when your children go to someone else's house for tea? Surely they will come across concentrated fruit drinks at that point?"

"Dear MIL
Thanks for the email. We're really looking forward to Christmas Day, and it's so kind of you to offer to accommodate my fussiness and to think of the children's needs.

The children don't eat beef, but they like chicken. Also, it would be lovely if they could have a pudding without any alcohol and perhaps some (drink of your choice).

For me, I'm afraid the only meat I eat is chicken from my local farm. I'm more than happy to bring it with me (ready-cooked) for me and the children, or if that's too much hassle for you I'll just eat vegetarian style on the day and the children will eat whatever chicken you provide. I also drink (x brand) decaf filter coffee and (y brand) herbal tea. It seems a waste for you to buy a whole packet, so shall I bring a few bags with me?

Look forward to hearing from you.
Love and kisses,
lovingthesun"

Tell her caffinated coffee gives you the squits.
She cannae complain when you bring your vile piss water decaff.

ChateauRouge yes, exactly, she only almost provides it because to do it completely right could be a failing.

dearprudence that is just great, thank you so much..I will sleep well tonight

StayFrosty if only

YABU. My SIL used to be like this and it was very dificult for my Mum to cook a dinner that she and her children would eat. She is now much more relaxes and usually goes along with whatever is going.
Your MIL has asked you what you want so she is trying to be helpful.

This isn't AIBU!

If you want to take your own coffee, then take it. She can't stop you!

To be honest i think you are acting like a spoilt child/brat. Maybe your mlaw is too from what you are describing.
Emjoy the day, be greatful, be happy and dont expect to force your choices at somebody elses house. Accept things graciously and if you cant eat much then dont! Have something when you get home or before you go, but dont make a scene and ruin everyone elses time over something so silly.

Just bring it all with you on the day and smile sweetly when she does her disappearing chin impression.
Whats the worst that can happen?

Fannybaws walks off imagining an organic chicken tussle over the threshold thread for boxing day.

I think your post really isnt serious. Its a wind up - you cant be that much of a diva! If it is true I doubt you have a good relationship with your ML and i can see why you dont with this attitude.

I'm afraid I'm with everyone else on this. There isn't really an issue here. It's one day, and you really shouldn't make things difficult when you're apparently doing this for the sake of a very elderly lady. Grin and bear it, it is just one day.

As others have said, offer one more time to bring the things that you like. If MIL refuses you (for whatever reason) tell her that you will happily go without meat and the drinks you like and you will drink water or wine or juice etc. Same goes for your DCs (obviously not the wine part!). If you really want coffee, just drink the decaf MIL has. It might not be up to your regular standards, but just be adult about it and put up with it to keep the peace. One day without no added sugar drinks won't do the DCs any harm either. And again with the meat, it won't hurt them to have non organic meat for just one meal. It's up to you whether or not you eat it, but I'm sure your DCs won't be as precious as you are about where the meat comes from. It's not as if you will be there for long, they will survive eating chicken from M&S for one day.

There really is absolutely no problem here if you are willing to compromise on one meal. MIL may well be controlling, but it's her home and it's not worth chucking a tantrum over just one day.

And yeah, lol at 'trauma'. If only we all had these problems.

I thought this was a wind up too at first. Still not 100% certain it isn't tbh.

Ok, well she is clearly trying to be helpful and accomodating - but only on her terms. If she is happy to do you chicken then what difference does it make to her if the chicken is organic/angel haired/gold plated?

Wilst I do think your diet choices are precious I do not think you are asking her to do anything that she isn't already willing to do - ie cook two meats. The fact that she is only wiling to cook two meats if they are ok by her is a bit passive agressive (much as I hate the term).

The coffee thing, ask for hot water. She cannot object to you drinking hot water, take some lemon slices or mint/fennel, no-one can object to a lemon slice in warm water, it is certainly not putting her out!

As for the dc, well apple juice is better than NAS juice so I would leave that one be and the pudding thing, the alcohol contect is less than gripe water so I doubt they will come to any harm for one portion.

I am not sure how you deal with the meat, it is difficult as you will have to directly over-ride her and you will appear totally unreasonable if you do. Perhaps the email idea will work but you are snookered if it doesn't!

Jesus Christ on a stick it's Mariah Carey.

Quick! The big basket of kittens - and don't forget to wash them with panda tears!

Bruxuer - just read this out loud to my DH and DM...laughed so much there were tears...thankyou x

Lovingthesun - go and volunteer in a Crisis shelter on xmas day and get some perspective.

@ bruxeur!

Op, totally OTT and precious. You can obviously persist with the no caffeine, as it is for a medical reason.

You completely lost me at not wanting value apple juice...

Bruxeur don't forget the m&ms divided up by colour. Organic ones made with local milk naturally. And dyed with cochineal made with locally farmed free-range beetles.

Imagine if the situ was reversed - I've invited my mil for Christmas and offered to get in things to her exacting demands but it's still not enough to stop her wingeing - don't you think there'd be calls of 'your house, your rules' etc?

I have a sil like you and our family has been decimated trying to keep her happy. Safe to say nothing makes her happy and my mil is constantly giving in to her ludicrous demands for fear of not seeing her dg.