Noisy Kids in Church- who should move seats?

[Truthfully555]

Seasons greetings All,

Went to a service on Christmas morning. Got there early so I could sit where I like and be comfortable. 10-15mins into service I notice parents plus their two kids probably 6-9 are continuously making noise banging on the wooden prayer kneel rest and the pew itself. It's not loud enough to disrupt the service but it's very noticeable to anyone within 2 rows, it's especially so to me as they're one row behind. Didn't bother saying anything.I did turn round once just to see what was going on. The whole service essentially with this every couple minutes. I mentioned this to someone later and they said I should have moved. For myself, I got there early because I can get uncomfortable with anxiety overheating etc- moving seats when the church is now nearly half full and I'm probably not going to find somewhere comfortable doesn't seem right nor even possible. However, although I get that being Christian we're supposed to be generous and thoughtful, my thinking is that if you know your kids probably aren't going to be quiet or that they start being noisy and are not stopping anytime soon, that you shouldn't really be expecting everyone else to suffer for your convenience - I think they should move somewhere either the back or somewhere on the sides where there's less disruption to others. Who do you think should move?

Inconvenient for you to move but what a lot of fuss over very little.

It's not a competition but I do find it ironic that some suggest an adult who wants to be there loses out because of a child that doesn't. 😂

It's difficult but if you want the next generation to grow up with religion and communities to use churches (so they don't then close) then you have to make concessions and accept children will be there

I have 3 young children and have taken my twins since they were around 3 - mainly due to my eldest being in a Catholic school and having certain things she has to attend at church and we go in support of her.

Yes the twins often play up more than I would like and I try and keep them settled - it's not always easy though. It's not because I'm a crap parent - have you tried parenting in a church 😅

Guessing you don't have children OP

Fuss, dear? What fuss would that be? How would you possibly know what fuss is involved? I'm simply responding in the discussion I posted for answers. You can always stop watching if this is your inconvenience 🤔

If it's that big a deal why on earth didn't you just ask them to stop? If you can't do that then you either live with it or stop going. Other people are irritating. The only person's behaviour you can change is your own.

Is it that obvious? 😅

Oh, there are many times in hindsight I wonder about doing things differently. I'll usually pick none of the above and figure it out later with a clearer head - like now for example.

The easiest way not to have WW3 is not to start it.

To answer the question- You should move seats.

Great now tell me why and show your working no copying😂

It's difficult but if you want the next generation to grow up with religion and communities to use churches (so they don't then close) then you have to make concessions and accept children will be there

I agree with this. It's so clear that churches and religion are dying out. I'm 45 and I think I was the youngest person at the mass I went to yesterday.

I am away from home so it wasn't my regular church and I was honestly quite horrified to see not a single child there but three dogs.

I think it’s nice for children to come to religious places.

i would expect them to cry, make noise, bang the cupboards etc

Is it that obvious? 😅

Sadly yes. Nothing fills me with dread more than when the schedule of church events comes through which eldest has to attend and I have to mentally prepare myself to take the twins - I go armed with emergency snacks and maybe a colouring book - trust me in that most parents are doing their best to keep their kids quiet and be no bother but you can hardly raise your voice and tell them off in church can you?

It's always the bloody kneeling rail which drops down from the pew in front they want to play with as well 😅

You could move to another place in the church and still in in the church. Without going into the whys about whether they should be kicking the seat or not if they move then potentially it makes no difference as the same thing is happening just to someone else not you, the only option they have is to leave the church completely. My child is autistic, we don’t go to church and I’m really glad I don’t as it would be a bloody nightmare due to stuff like this

You are fussing. A lot!

Go make friends with the children. You might like them.

If there was a place to move to as it was half empty, why did you not move?

Unless you were going to challenge the behaviour, to make them stop and be quiet then you have 2 choices:

1. sit there and put up with it
2. move to enjoy the service.

It’s “your” choice. You are doing nothing to challenge the disturbance.

There are pig ignorant, selfish arseholes in all public areas.
Just because they are in a church doesn’t make them a special pig ignorant selfish arsehole.

So, you move yourself out of the situation.

Our son works parttime as a music director at a church. Our youngest sings in a church choir.

Children are the future of the church.
Our children have been participating church since they were babies. I am quite sure they wouldn't take part of the church music serving their part if we haven't been a church going family.
I worked years in churches and had to go and it was nice then my husband went too with the children.

We don't have to apologize for children being part of the congregation.
I've met troubled and noisy adults too at church. It's not only a kids' thing. It's human beings.

You would have HATED me and my toddler at our Christmas eve service 😂 he would not be contained, so i had two choices - hold him while he thrashed about (dangerous) and screaming (disruptive), or follow him round to perform damage control while he explored (including the stage bit i had to keep pulling him down from, very embarrassing!) Or i could just not take him, but thats not very Christian is it, to keep my baby who doesn't yet understand correct behaviour, away from the joy and love of Christ on Christmas eve?
I got some funny looks, though not many. But i don't care. My baby is young and he is behind in his development, and he has a right to know our faith and lord same as everyone. Luckily most people were lovely and told me they're used to it and its normal.
Theyre KIDS!

OP, nobody needs to move.
I shall remind you that you are celebrating Christmas, you know, the example of christian family, the birth of a child.
That you are requested to be patient, by your faith and, particularly, with children.
That children are a joy.
I do agree that many parents do not seem to be seen just simply telling the children to stop kicking or tapping on this or that. And I think they should, at least there is SN where they know the child will not take kindly to it.
Hearing the noise of children is always a blessing. So it was a good service and you really should not moan about it.

I’m not sure I fully understand- was it continual tapping, or was it one tap every three minutes? Also, it sounds from your posts like you maybe don’t go to that church very often? Is that right?

The other thing I don’t quite understand is that you say it wasn’t busy, but also that you wouldn’t have been able to find anywhere- I’m not sure that could both be true?

For my part, I think you should have moved. However if you go to that church regularly, people would tend to sit in roughly the same places I’d have thought, so I’d imagine you’d get a feel for where would be the best place for you to sit?

For a Christmas Day service though, I really think occasionally tapping a bench and not disturbing the service is fine. it’s a family service on Christmas Day, kids are going to be excited, and for that, I’d hope that all families would feel welcome. There will be many other services throughout the year that sound like they’d be more suitable for you?

This isn't specifically about children but it's something that I find helpful. If someone is distracting me in church, for whatever reason, I take a moment to pray for them. It takes the focus off my own distraction and negative reaction and puts it back into God. Maybe you could try that?

Got to be honest, OP, it's posts like this that make me a nervous wreck when taking my two (5 and 2, not amazingly behaved, in spite of my best efforts, because parenting is harder than I thought) to church.

Last week, three of our congregation told me not to worry and that it was a joy to have them in church.

That, to me, is what Christianity looks like. The unwarranted kindness of people who are probably really annoyed by my kids.

And as for this - because it's literally what Jesus told us to do ...

You don’t get points for anything, that’s not how grace works.

You were “actively searching for the Holy Spirit” and there’s a story right in front of you about God born as a child into a noisy, messy world and God meeting us in all that imperfection. It’s not about how comfortable the seats are or getting the right church experience. The holy family came into a stable. You’ve got to find God in the reality of life and not blame noisy kids for disrupting your service. It’s not a concert and you are not a consumer.

It’s also not just about “your intention”. That sounds very individualistic. It’s about community muddling along together, who wouldn’t choose to socialise but get thrown together in church, just like in the New Testament.

Also “in body only” isn’t really a Christian concept. The body/soul dichotomy is an Ancient Greek concept. In Christianity they are interlinked. Christ came in a human body. He died in a human body with all the pain that goes with that. If you could have faith just in your mind we could just download Christ into our brains and you could have stayed at home. If we could separate our minds and bodies it would all be a lot easier but we can’t, hence why your physical comfort in church is important to you.

I’m sorry, but you are no better or more important than anyone else who was at that service, be they a screaming baby or a drunk man who wandered in from the street and threw up.

I was raised in the christian faith and my DM is still totally devout. My Dad passed last year so I have been to church with her a few times. Luckily her church has a tolerant congregation that welcomes little ones. I often wonder how people with such little tolerance for others can be so hypocritical to say they are true Christians.

I have to agree that although it's frustrating you have to have patience