Noisy Kids in Church- who should move seats?

[Truthfully555]

Seasons greetings All,

Went to a service on Christmas morning. Got there early so I could sit where I like and be comfortable. 10-15mins into service I notice parents plus their two kids probably 6-9 are continuously making noise banging on the wooden prayer kneel rest and the pew itself. It's not loud enough to disrupt the service but it's very noticeable to anyone within 2 rows, it's especially so to me as they're one row behind. Didn't bother saying anything.I did turn round once just to see what was going on. The whole service essentially with this every couple minutes. I mentioned this to someone later and they said I should have moved. For myself, I got there early because I can get uncomfortable with anxiety overheating etc- moving seats when the church is now nearly half full and I'm probably not going to find somewhere comfortable doesn't seem right nor even possible. However, although I get that being Christian we're supposed to be generous and thoughtful, my thinking is that if you know your kids probably aren't going to be quiet or that they start being noisy and are not stopping anytime soon, that you shouldn't really be expecting everyone else to suffer for your convenience - I think they should move somewhere either the back or somewhere on the sides where there's less disruption to others. Who do you think should move?

See this is the issue. I did ignore it and the service was spoiled. Why should I have to move? It's as if children have a higher priority and I was there first. I arrived early they arrived late. I actually don't blame kids I blame parents. I was well behaved as a child and I knew my place. If I made noise my mother would have been mortified and she would have moved somewhere else. It seems today no one wants to discipline their kids. "Kids will be kids" and everyone else has to suffer it- that's what I see. Of course like I said earlier, there will always be exceptions, but in those cases STILL Id have them seated in a designated area. I don't know where the entitlement comes from that people think it is acceptable to let kids go uncorrected and that others would automatically tolerate it. I have empathy but I don't see someone having priority because they have children. Everyone has equal right to enjoy a service and has a duty not to spoil it for others.

I can appreciate the scenario you described. In my case it wasn't busy at all. Only 3-4 people each pew. Who knows? Perhaps that's how things run at this church.

Why is it my responsibility to tolerate the children of others as opposed to parents responsibility to discipline and ensure minimal impact to others?

Surely kids learn these lessons beforehand? Rather than learning on the fly 😅 The groundwork starts from birth. It all comes down to parenting style (ignoring exceptions difficulties etc).

Right. Now tell me, at what point does it become "A family service"? In other words, would the service schedule ever mention if devices were family suitable or oriented? Or are all service family services?

Unfortunately I don't think so. I don't manage well with my anxiety. I might have found a seat, or I may have found there was none. I wouldn't have known till I left. It was the best spot for me at the time. Out of principle I don't think I should be put in a situation where I have to move. I got there early to get that seat, not move seat hunting 15mins into the start. Rightly or wrongly I have an expectation of how children should be and if they're not, how the parents should remedy the situation. I'm pretty sure I won't get much agreement on Mumsnet but maybe I'll get some enlightenment 😅

There was plenty space, certainly it would be easier for them than me. In fact they got up several times to light candles. At no point did I say it was busy.

I'd rather kids behaved and if not that they were corrected and if not that they moved. Seems logical to me.

This "behaviour modification" sounds like some alien request? Respect for others and the service should be expected not seen as some bizarre request or "convenience".

The issue of consideration where you seat your children if you know they're going to play up. Or the lack of consideration of others.

Why?

@Truthfully555 I do get it. I really do. I understand your anxiety. I understand the principle of wanting well - behaved children. You did all you could to manage yourself but then folk invaded your space. It is not fair. I sympathise.

So how else can you manage this, would you say - given that you were in a public space, and we are living in an imperfect world, with imperfect people, with all their complications and challenges? What do you think Jesus would do?

That sucks for me I guess, because there's only one midnight mass 😅

Actually I love the innocence of kids. I love hearing baby noises, and seeing kids walking about being kids. Maybe I gave a different impression, but this banging on pew and prayer bench was quite disruptive. I do see a difference between innocence and poor discipline this is the sort of subject I'm breaching here because on one hand we should welcome children but on the other "spare the rod spoil the child". I'm using that phrase as a euphemism for discipline not championing abuse.

Have to say I'm chuckling at all the posters who believe they were self aware enough as a child to know they never disturbed anyone else at church!

Christmas Day services are always more relaxed than normal ones and kids are always more riled up than normal. It's Christmas Day!

Just think of those kids as the future of the faith. The more families that are made to feel unwelcome, the quicker the church dies. Not to say that bad behaviour should be expected, but there seems to still be a pious "children should be seen and not heard" attitude in some congregations that isn't helpful.

I do draw distinction between chatting and banging on pews and prayer stands. It's perhaps surprisingly disruptive. It's like a drum and you also get the vibration.

I see the Jesus answer on tolerance but doesn't this also apply to parents regarding discipline? These are 6-9 year olds

Do an online service from the comfort of your own home.

We always have children at the services at our church. And I love my church to welcome them.
We have children enough ourselves and know how hard you are jugded by the slighest noise in church.

At Easter the congregation was asked to sit in silence for an hour after the service.
It was thoughtful that two vicars and two families with children sat the entire hour. All adults were out of the church in seven minutes.

They probably didn't realise it was irritating you so much. If you'd politely let them know they'd have been able to take action. It's amazing how immune to noise some parents are. They were comfortable with their seat and were never going to move unless you spoke up

Id like to think Jesus would play with the kids, discipline the parents and give me a personal space cooler that doesn't disrupt the service 😂

I think I'd like both "a welcome children" and a "children in their place" but the second part is nothing to do with the church (which should be all welcoming) the second part is all about parenting. Parenting is hard and that's why I haven't done it (yet). I really think we should be actively ensuring lessons from older generations aren't lost but I think they are in many cases hopefully not most cases.

Actually, I rarely go to Church but seeing as praying together is highlighted by Jesus I'm making an effort to go more often. I always liked the atmosphere in Church and am seeking the Peace and Presence of the Spirit moreso.

What you suggest is missing out on Church because of parents lack of parenting which seems a little warped.

If you can't handle being a part of a church online service is an option.
Children (and parents) have a right too to be at church.
Grown ups can be noisy at church too I have learnt. It's not only kids.

I think there should be things for the children to do drawing, lego etc to the side of the main area - not in a separate room but I do think that at those ages the parents could ask them to keep the noise down. In our local church it does feel slightly more user friendly and I’m pleased about that

Maybe the person behind you could see over your head, Maybe you sat in someone else’s favourite spot, maybe your perfume made someone feel nauseous, maybe the fart you let slip made someone gag, maybe you stood too close to someone and they felt uncomfortable. The world is full of people, we are all different and have to make the best of it. Children do tend to make noise. But they get to participate in events just like you despite being a little disruptive. Unless they are running up and down the aisle screaming you just have to live with others annoying you, just as they have to live you annoying them.

I'll also throw this out there seeing as this is like a me Vs children. What counts in Christianity is your intention, otherwise it's utterly meaningless. Many kids in church mean about as much as a baby's baptism so it's VERY odd to suggest someone actively searching the Holy Spirit to be blocked in order to allow those who maybe there in body only or because there's no one else to look after them. You all realise this, right? You don't get points for attendance if the whole time you were thinking about when you can leave 😅

Go to church and have someone sit behind you hitting the prayer bench and pew every 3mins for one hour. Tell me how disruptive that is. I'd argue nothing is more disruptive other than screaming. This ain't chatter 😂

I don't think it's a competition about who's doing Christianity best. Are you sure communal worship is the best option for you? Other people are annoying, but you'll be irritating other people in ways you can't imagine too. We all just rub along as best we can.