Noisy Kids in Church- who should move seats?

[Truthfully555]

Seasons greetings All,

Went to a service on Christmas morning. Got there early so I could sit where I like and be comfortable. 10-15mins into service I notice parents plus their two kids probably 6-9 are continuously making noise banging on the wooden prayer kneel rest and the pew itself. It's not loud enough to disrupt the service but it's very noticeable to anyone within 2 rows, it's especially so to me as they're one row behind. Didn't bother saying anything.I did turn round once just to see what was going on. The whole service essentially with this every couple minutes. I mentioned this to someone later and they said I should have moved. For myself, I got there early because I can get uncomfortable with anxiety overheating etc- moving seats when the church is now nearly half full and I'm probably not going to find somewhere comfortable doesn't seem right nor even possible. However, although I get that being Christian we're supposed to be generous and thoughtful, my thinking is that if you know your kids probably aren't going to be quiet or that they start being noisy and are not stopping anytime soon, that you shouldn't really be expecting everyone else to suffer for your convenience - I think they should move somewhere either the back or somewhere on the sides where there's less disruption to others. Who do you think should move?

I think it's annoying but that's Xmas day services for you.
I couldn't believe that 2 people in the congregation were WhatsApping during communion ( I.e. while people were queuing to take it and they were seated).

Matthew 19:13-14

Isn't it partly about how the service is managed? I remember there being a general announcement that a town they needed to fidget or walk about etc was welcome to do so at the back of the Church? I'd think about having a word about that - you're always going to get over excited children this time of year and there should be a plan to avoid/minimise the impact!

I was once a single mother with a baby and then a toddler who needed to get used to sitting still. I used to cry whilst taking holy communion because of the stares and tutting my attempts to worship brought me.
As Christians we are meant to welcome everyone into the love of Christ. I still bring my child to worship, they sit beautifully and have just joined the lesson rota at 10 years old. I like to hope those who upset me are judged accordinly.
HTH.

I love to see children in the church. They wouldn’t have bothered me - I know from experience hue difficult is to keep young children still or quiet.
I think you should have moved or just ignored the noise (or preferably smiled at the parents to reassure them that it was okay).

I also agree with a pp that it helps if an announcement is made at the beginning of the service about how it’s lovely to have children and not to worry about the noise. A children’s area with a few toys is even better but small churches might not have the space.

I don't think anyone should move, children being children and not sitting perfectly still and quiet throughout a church service is par for the course. It was the same at mine, a little girl behind me who kept wandering around at the side of the pews, and a couple of kids in front who were a bit fidgety and noisy at times. The whole family getting up to move to another place would have been far more disruptive and they would only have been near someone else if it was busy anyway.

If today was one of the first times that family have come into your church, which I assume it was as you don't say you know them, then you really need to be more tolerant I'm afraid OP.

How can children learn how to behave in church if they are stuffed at the back or “out of the way” where they will inevitably become more bored and restless. You should be welcoming and setting an example for the youngest members of the church. Because that’s what they are- members who are just as welcome there as you are.

All the churches I’ve belonged to the priest has made it clear that it’s ok for dc to make noise. It’s pretty normal in a family service.

The only person whose behaviour you can control is your own here, OP. Surely it’s possible to find a seat to suit you in a church that’s only half full?

moving seats when the church is now nearly half full and I'm probably not going to find somewhere comfortable doesn't seem right nor even possible

So where were the family of four supposed to move to if there was not even a suitable place for you to move to? I think your attitude is not in the spirit of the season - surely a Christmas morning service is bound to have families with more excitable children than usual, would you rather that family had just stayed at home?

I get that being Christian we're supposed to be generous and thoughtful, my thinking is that if you know your kids probably aren't going to be quiet or that they start being noisy and are not stopping anytime soon, that you shouldn't really be expecting everyone else to suffer for your convenience

On the flip side if you know you are prone to anxiety and overheating then you shouldn't expect everyone in a busy church service to suffer/modify their behaviour for your convenience.

However, although I get that being Christian we're supposed to be generous and thoughtful, my thinking is that if you know your kids probably aren't going to be quiet or that they start being noisy and are not stopping anytime soon, that you shouldn't really be expecting everyone else to suffer for your convenience

What do you mean by their convenience?

Suffer the little children...

I understand where you’re coming from. Most Churches are not very anxiety friendly though tbh. Different situation but I used to hate when I’d arrive early and sit at the back where there was space only to be told we all needed to “bunch up” together at the front. It was ridiculous.

Many especially ND or anxious people or maybe even hearing impaired people would be massively distracted or even unsettled ( depending upon how loud it was) by that repeated banging you refer to.

I wasn’t sure from your OP but are you saying the parents were banging too or just the kids ? I do believe at age 6-9 they’re old enough to be told that’s not how you behave in church/theatre/cinema etc.

If there are SEN issues though it might be difficult but again that’s where church doesn’t make it easy. They should have a section somewhere where people know this is where you sit if you or your kids can’t manage the service otherwise. Generally we Are witnessing an escalation of bad /inconsiderate behaviour in public spaces post pandemic and not just with children either.

eta: no one is saying don’t bring children to church they’re just saying ask them to be considerate the same way they’re asked to do if they go out to the theatre or cinema for example. I didn’t disturb others as a child and I honestly can’t remember any child over the age of 5 repeatedly kicking a pew in any of the churches I’ve been too. They are not necessarily completely silent but The odd giggle or whisper of a child asking their parents something isn’t as annoying as repeatedly kicking or banging a pew.

I think this is context dependent. At midnight mass, I think it’s reasonable to expect parents to only bring children they’re confident will be quiet. But at a 10am Christmas morning service - well, that’s for everyone! It absolutely should be full of children, and adults have to accept noisy children as part of the joy of it.

It's a Christmas Day service though. Will have a mix of kids that only go to church once a year, kids desperate to go home as they haven't been allowed to open presents yet, kids who have brought their presents in and are playing with them through the service etc.

It's generally carnage and everyone wants to get out early to put the turkey on. There was uproar the year our minister decided to do a sermon.

I've only ever been to Christmas Day services that were designed to be very child focussed and loud. Quiet spirituality just isn't a v popular choice at Christmas.

I remember as a young child my gran would follow the service sheet with her finger with me, and I was allowed to take a book, stickers, coloring or a quiet toy for the sermon. I knew what was expected from a very young age and was not allowed to disturb the service or the other people - one look from her would put a stop to that.

This year a child was making a racket during the minute’s silence on Remembrance Day and the parents did nothing. A lot of people who had come to pay respects were understandably angry and upset.

no one is saying don’t bring children to church they’re just saying ask them to be considerate the same way they’re asked to do if they go out to the theatre or cinema for example.

Not sure what religion you are but my church services are a little different to the cinema or theatre!

Decades ago I was at a church service where a toddler wouldn't sit still and began walking along the pew his family sat in. His Mum was fussing and trying to get him to sit still. The priest declared "he's in his Father's house and can explore as he pleases". Whenever I read disapproving stories of kids in churches I think of that kind priest.

I think a toddler is very different from 6-9 year old kids. They know how to be quiet, they've been doing it in school for a few years by now. I think the parents should bring something to occupy them if they are unable to sit quietly. I think it's perfectly reasonable to expect a child of that age to not be banging things every few minutes.

This, 100%

Where was your consideration for them, though?

Well, clergy in these days of declining attendance can't afford to turn anyone away, so they tolerate behaviour that never would have been acceptable previously. It's an economic necessity.

But one wonders how many paying parishioners they are losing due to the lack of decorum and noisy disruptions.

Oh, come on! Church is for ALL 🙏 It is for the already saved, of course, but more it is for everyone searching for the ‘something’ that Christians know is the God-shaped hole. If anyone gets in a huff because somebody is sitting in their pew, or if their neighbour is a bit whiffy and unwashed, or they bring their noisy children to a family service, or noisily eats sweeties, or plays on their ‘phone, then frankly but not unkindly, they need to give their head a wobble. We need to look at ourselves and our own heart before complaining that folk don’t fit into our own acceptable box of behaviour. We are in Church to worship the Lord, so keep our eyes and attention focussed on Him. If we are being distracted by others, then pray for grace, patience and understanding … and have a word with the Minister or pastoral team. What would Jesus say? What would Jesus do?

I think Communion is different right? It's a break in the service when everyone would otherwise be sat listening to the service reasonably quietly. When service is happening people need to be quiet and if they can't there should be seating to cater for both children who will be children and those without that issue.

I just have an expectation children should be disciplined and behaved in certain settings however of course certain circumstances : very young children, those with autism/difficulties, babies, these should have designated areas if disruption is going to happen.

Sorry about your experience, however, I didn't say a word and the entire service was ruined hence my question.