GP raised safeguarding concerns over daughter’s periods, itching and distress at appointment

[MyDearLeader]

DD age 10 under assessment for potential adhd (emotional dysregulation, sensory issues, sleep issues) has been showing signs of puberty for a few years (breast puds, hair etc) she is tall for her age. Anyway.. she started on what I believed to be her period on the 4th of July... we had been preparing for it but she is extremely private e.g when we went shopping for her first bra was extremely embarrassed and upset.. when she asked me to shave her armpits then got upset when I said she couldn't do it herself as needs supervision. She has big meltdowns shouting no no no over and over, i still sleep in her bed as she cannot sleep. Anyway the bleeding was very light lasted only a few days then went, it returned on the 19th unexpectedly.. 4 days very light. Anyway on the 1st it started again but this time heavier and bright red, she has also had intermittent itching on and off relieved by sudocrem. Due to all this I booked a gp appointment 1. To be sure this is actually start of period and not something else.

1. To investigate the itching and see if this was related to the bleeding.

My daughter initially refused to go crying hysterically (she wont even let me tell any family what is happening including her dad) I got her there i asked her should I speak or her she said me.

We saw a female dr, I explained everything she kept asking my daughter questions to which she kept hysterically crying shouting no no no.. the dr told me she was concerned at her distressed reaction I explained her history (which is all documented on her record including a diagnosis of anxiety disorder and camhs involvement) she said she was worried it was a trauma response? I informed her periods have been very much normalised in my house I have endometriosis and that she has emotional regulation problems never mind now with new hormones and she feels embarrassed.. she asked me to step out to talk to her alone, my daughter refused did not want to.. she wanted to swab her vagina.. my daughter went into meltdown screaming no no no, the dr said this was a concern?

She agreed it is likely period and the light bleeding were "test runs" gave me a swab to try at home but blindsided me by saying she has safeguarding concerns!!? I was absolutely blown away, I asked why she said the abnormal bleeding and itching.. said if her swab comes back as having thrush she will be formally reporting it? I said due to sensory issues she vigorously Wipes on repeat and I suffer with thrush frequently could she catch it from me? She said no.

Honestly i feel sick to my stomach. My daughter refused the swab by me and has let me supervise her doing it (very traumatic for her)

I just cannot believe it, i am an nhs professional and feel sick that I might need to report this to my line manager that I am being investigated.. my husband is distraught. I was just trying to ensure my daughter is definitely starting periods as mine did not do this and investigate the itching, she doesnt stay out and I sleep with her every night...

I understand processes need to be followed i am just so upset😥

I think given OPs DD now has periods. It is not appropriate so maybe OP needs to get an extra mattress and put it in her DDs room or something.

I think the GP has done the right thing for all the reasons PP has said. It is unlikely but do you know for an absolute certainty there is no safeguarding concern? I couldn't tell you that for certain with my kids - they go to school, occasionally have a babysitter etc, they are not under my eyes 100% of every day. They show no signs causing concern- but your DD potentially does. So if it was me, upsetting and horrible as it may be which I totally understand, I would be supportive of them assuring themselves there is no problem. What i would want to focus on is that DD is supported through that, and separately/relatedly through the stress around her period starting assuming that is actually what has happened (ie not a safeguarding issue). I would always prefer a system that catches all CSA cases and involves more people in investigations unecessarily than one where fewer innocent people are caught up but more cases of CSA are missed.

The itching could be worms. My dd used to go crazy with an itchy vagina and I took her to the gp who shrugged it off as thrush. Didn’t even mention worms. They do go into the vagina in girls and cause itching. Or could she have had a go at shaving down there and made it itchy?
re the gp referral, I get it’s upsetting but she will just be doing her professional duty and it’ll come to nothing as children’s services probably won’t be interested

The question is, why aren’t YOU concerned? There’s red flags galore here, can you not see why the GP might have concerns?

Wow!

So, if you saw a little 10 year old girl tomorrow and you told her she needed to have a gynecological examination and she just shrugged and told you to go ahead, would you consider that more normal? To me, a 10 yr old girl being cool, calm and collected for something so outlandish (for them) & intrusive, sounds like a kid who has been violated so many times they've become numb. Keep in mind the key word here is TEN.

Furthermore; the last person I would have wanted near me during any doctor's visit would have been my mother. Not because she ever SA'd me, but because she would smirk and teased/bullied me afterwards. Not every mother is a Mary Poppins. (Those mean girls sometimes stay mean).

In the U.S. we'd take our girls to see a pediatric gynecologist, not our family doctor (GP). Seeing your GP for something like that just doesn't sound very appropriate at all. Our family doc would immediately tell us to see a pediatric gynecologist, especially for an autistic 10 year old.

I would ignore any responses from posters who have no experience of ND girls. Im sorry, OP.

This is not true. Many young girls would get very upset at being examined in this way. Especially ND girls.

She is 10 years old. Which 10 year old would be okay for someone taking swabs from her vagina? I can imagine her being very embarrassed and not wanting that experience. And it seems her way of putting a boundary is saying no, no, no.

What? Why does a young girl starting her periods mean she can’t share a bed anymore. My DD shared a bed with me for years. She had stopped by the time she started her periods at 12, but she had a horrific time with her first period (28 days of bleeding, emergency blood transfusion and 3 days in hospital) and shared a bed with me for a year as she felt so dizzy and weak and was scared to be alone. This is a mum and daughter, nothing odd at all about continuing to share if that’s what the DD wants.

Some comments on here about bed sharing I find very odd, like posters are looking for something inappropriate when it doesn’t exist.

Oh my god. I'm so sorry op that this has been so badly handled by the GP. Such a lack of professionalism on GP's part, means you are being put under pressure , that Yiu shouldn't be.

This all could've been handled better.

are you going to sleep in the same bed forever?

Surely she is also autistic?

Saying no and shrieking a bit yes. But kicking and screaming is a major response.

Try to see it as the GP doing her job OP. It sounds very stressful, especially for dd, but professionals are taught to always report any concern at all, and it's better that way than to miss abuse. I doubt anything would come of it.

However, it does sound like she handled it badly. It's not at all surprising a 10 yo is distressed by the idea of an intimate examination, I'd be almost more surprised if that seemed normal to her! And I'm pretty sure thrush isn't (necessarily) sexually transmitted so I don't know why that's her deciding factor. I went through a phase of getting it a lot I'm pretty sure as a teen, and I think there was a correlation with periods too.

As an adult I had to start being choosier about sanitary towels as I realised I was getting really bad irritation and itching from scented ones, so I agree with posters saying that could be an issue.

Am surprised by all the posters horrified that a primary age child sleeps with same sex parent, mine didn't but I didn't think it was that uncommon, especially with ND.

can you organise a sleep clinic to enable her to sleep alone?

and i imagine thrush symptoms warrant a safe guarding referral?
what will that mean ?

GPs really do not understand ND

My DD (autistic) has huge anxiety about medical environments and even getting her to doctors is difficult. An experience like this would only make them distrust the doctors more.

10 is very young for any girl to have to manage periods. For ND girls there is more issues due to sensory differences.

My DD uses period pants and reusable pads. She doesn't cope well with periods, they were very heavy and long. so we ended up on the pill so that it is more predictable and manageable.

We had a nightmare with GP surgery recently deciding to stop her pill medication suddenly on the whim of one of the higher level nurses. No medical reason the Nurse just didn't agree with a 13 year old being on the pill. I think forcing a 10 year old to have a swab is awful. If they have concerns this should be managed in a way that won't cause trauma. Possibly sedation would be needed in some cases.

My daughter is 11 and autistic, I’ve slept with her since she was a baby. Otherwise she would scream ALL night long, none of us would sleep and then work/school is a nightmare and we all have a short fuse making our home unbearable. She does not self soothe- I tried this on many occasions desperate to get back to my own bed with my husband. This is just our life now.
my child would also behave like this, she hates the doctors surgery and cries and gets extremely nervous. I rarely take her to the GP I only go to her paediatrician who is understanding and has more time to help. Getting an appointment is a bit of a nightmare though.
I too get frequent thrush, not sure if this passes on but my daughter scratches a lot too. I’m always telling her off for just doing it anywhere she is. I also worry others could think something else is going on when they see the scratching. She has been told that is a very private thing and I’m trying not to make her feel ashamed about it. She also has been told frequently that no one else is allowed to touch her there and she must tell me if anything ever happened. I hope she would.
I hope all is ok and nothing becomes of this. I completely understand your distress

I don’t think the GP dealt with this well and needs some training on neurodivergence - and the red flags people are talking about, are red flags for pre-pubertal children - as almost every pubertal young person will experience irregular bleeding, discharge and itching

This is not an unusual response from a neurodivergent child and needs a very sensitive approach - and if the GP genuinely believes there could be a risk of sexual abuse, they should speak to their safeguarding lead and refer to a specialist paediatrician, not try to examine

That’s what you took away from the whole opening post 🙄

The GP sounds awful.
My DD was sleeping with me until past 16. Also autism.

I think if the OP sleeps with her daughter every night as she said, she would notice if there was someone else in the bed with them?

But could be very normal for an autistic child.

And because it could be either, it needs to be looked in to. She’s a vulnerable child and arguably vulnerable children are more at risk of being exploited. The GP is right to look in to it. Nobody is saying that DC is 100% having a trauma response, and I understand that it’s this child’s regular response. But I still stand by saying the GP needs to do her job and raise it. If she made decisions based on ‘oh you tell me this so it must be true’, many children would not be safeguarded.

Would you ask the mother to leave so you can speak to a distressed child alone?

Would you consider other factors like a sensitivity to sanitary towels or worms?

Or would you only think of potential abuse as an option?

Genuinely curious as to your whole thought process here. As I am sure other parents would be too.