GP raised safeguarding concerns over daughter’s periods, itching and distress at appointment

[MyDearLeader]

DD age 10 under assessment for potential adhd (emotional dysregulation, sensory issues, sleep issues) has been showing signs of puberty for a few years (breast puds, hair etc) she is tall for her age. Anyway.. she started on what I believed to be her period on the 4th of July... we had been preparing for it but she is extremely private e.g when we went shopping for her first bra was extremely embarrassed and upset.. when she asked me to shave her armpits then got upset when I said she couldn't do it herself as needs supervision. She has big meltdowns shouting no no no over and over, i still sleep in her bed as she cannot sleep. Anyway the bleeding was very light lasted only a few days then went, it returned on the 19th unexpectedly.. 4 days very light. Anyway on the 1st it started again but this time heavier and bright red, she has also had intermittent itching on and off relieved by sudocrem. Due to all this I booked a gp appointment 1. To be sure this is actually start of period and not something else.

1. To investigate the itching and see if this was related to the bleeding.

My daughter initially refused to go crying hysterically (she wont even let me tell any family what is happening including her dad) I got her there i asked her should I speak or her she said me.

We saw a female dr, I explained everything she kept asking my daughter questions to which she kept hysterically crying shouting no no no.. the dr told me she was concerned at her distressed reaction I explained her history (which is all documented on her record including a diagnosis of anxiety disorder and camhs involvement) she said she was worried it was a trauma response? I informed her periods have been very much normalised in my house I have endometriosis and that she has emotional regulation problems never mind now with new hormones and she feels embarrassed.. she asked me to step out to talk to her alone, my daughter refused did not want to.. she wanted to swab her vagina.. my daughter went into meltdown screaming no no no, the dr said this was a concern?

She agreed it is likely period and the light bleeding were "test runs" gave me a swab to try at home but blindsided me by saying she has safeguarding concerns!!? I was absolutely blown away, I asked why she said the abnormal bleeding and itching.. said if her swab comes back as having thrush she will be formally reporting it? I said due to sensory issues she vigorously Wipes on repeat and I suffer with thrush frequently could she catch it from me? She said no.

Honestly i feel sick to my stomach. My daughter refused the swab by me and has let me supervise her doing it (very traumatic for her)

I just cannot believe it, i am an nhs professional and feel sick that I might need to report this to my line manager that I am being investigated.. my husband is distraught. I was just trying to ensure my daughter is definitely starting periods as mine did not do this and investigate the itching, she doesnt stay out and I sleep with her every night...

I understand processes need to be followed i am just so upset😥

Just some advice on this thread, I tried some new scented toilet paper from aldi recently and got an awful case of recurring thrush.
Not slagging aldi off but I had to change to an unscented one and now it's gone.. Also unscented pads you can get them online.. Nothing scented should be going down there.
Perhaps she's got a case of eczema, try applying some neutral emollient before bathing like epaderm, works for me.
I'm sure ss will investigate, just be honest with them and it should come to nothing.

I'm another person who is allergic to a lot of pads.

I use reusable pads now. They have the benefit of not being white, there black or grey which means the blood is less shocking to
look at against a white background. It might help your DD. Period pants could work well too.

Off topic slightly but I find some sanitary towels and ALL period pants make me itchy. I think they are too absorbent and makes me so uncomfortable- wondered if it could be the same for her. This sounds very tough for you and her; when you explain why you need to see GP etc does she understand? The hysteria seems unusual and I expect that shocked the GP; I agree with pp the GP seems a bit lacking in empathy with your context but equally she needs to assess on what she sees x

OP, I wouldn't worry too much about the GP raising a concern. My ds is neurodivergent and we get concerns raised all the time. The people come along and have a pleasant chat and then potter off again. I really worry about the amount of money that the public services are throwing down the drain having pleasant chats with me about my parenting is actually fine.

The important thing is to just keep calm and explain what the situation is. After about the tenth go you will get used to it and learn to just stick the kettle on when the person visits. My dc used to freak out about it but now he just gets the hoover out when he hears they are coming.

This, unfortunately.

I understand OP is upset and I would be too in her situation but on the face of it the GP has done exactly the right thing.

What a wonderfully insightful and supportive contribution to this thread 🙄

100% Is that person responding for real!! Are they saying what we think they are saying? Jesus honestly.

Most definitely!

After ending things with the most recent one, I was informed that he has a lot of MH problems (which I presume aren’t declared to the GMC).

Only takes one on a power trip to ruin an innocent families life.

I have 2 ND children. My 14 DD sleeps with me when she is anxious about school. 12 year old DS sleeps most nights between DH and I. If we forced them to sleep alone every night no one would get any sleep. The fact that people jump to abuse is sickening.

My daughter initially refused to go crying hysterically (she wont even let me tell any family what is happening including her dad) I got her there i asked her should I speak or her she said me

I find it odd that you’d consider it normal to share something like this with other family members? Why would you? It’s private, and whilst she obviously is sharing this with you, as her mother, I don’t think it’s something to share with the rest of the family, so I don’t see it as being odd that she has asked for you not to tell other family members.

I’m sorry @MyDearLeader. Very clear GP needs training in ND. This is the sort of thing that actually makes ND children MORE vulnerable because parents worry their distress might be misunderstood. Thankfully I have a boy. But can only imagine how distressed he would be on starting periods were he a girl. I hope SS look at the record and ignore or call you and shut the whole thing.

No but a huge number of SA cases are revealed during voluntary GP appointments. In most cases, the daughter is being abused by a male family member and there's no way the mother can get the ball rolling aside from taking the girl to a medical professional under the guise of a normal appointment. The GP sees many red flags and can make referrals that will get things moving. From the doctor's POV, she obviously has no idea if the girl is sleeping just with the mother or other relatives as well. Being ND is a red herring because she can be ND and still be a victim of SA because it's been normalised for her to sleep with adults in the same bed due to anxiety.

The problem here is that it's very risky to take a child who displays many red flags for SA, even if that's NOT the case, to an appointment which will almost certainly not go well and end up in panic and distress. There was no urgent medical reason for a doctor's appointment in first place. Surely any google or chatgpt search will show it's perfectly normal for a girl's first period to be quite irregular and you need to wait for it settle down.

have you not seen the fambeds?

Its only wrong if the child doesn’t want it.

I think she probably had to refer just in case, but the way OP describes the situation the GP showed little understanding of neurodiversity.

She seemed unaware that there were other (in this case probable) reasons for OP’s daughter’s distress…or if she was aware of this then she showed little empathy. I think she handled the situation badly, even if her hands were tied when it came to referral itself.

This sounds very distressing, OP, both for you and your daughter. At the end of the day though, you've taken your child to get medical care. You're engaging with medical services. It's highly unlikely social care would escalate this.

That being said, I would safeguard this too. A GP has 10 mins, and on the surface of it you have a child with itching, distress, and bleeding. ND or not, it would feel uncomfortable to not safeguard this. Also children with SEN are at increased risk of abuse. I'd much rather people safeguard these situations and be wrong every single time, than a child end up another statistic or lessons learned.

Always used to irritate me as well! I think they’re all scented (?) - Bodyform were fine for me

I’m so sorry you’re both going through this, @MyDearLeader I would have been hysterical too if a doctor had wanted to swab ten year old me. I was autistic (although undiagnosed as a child) and found puberty and periods deeply embarrassing and upsetting. Like your daughter, I was very secretive about them which caused me problems (eg I was in situations where I needed san pro and refused to ask an adult for help due to embarrassment). I really do get it. 💐

As a parent of a neurodiverse child sleeping with them not only gave them a good nights sleep but also the rest of my family and my neighbours who could no doubt hear the distressing noise if I tried to creep out of the room.

Ok. Am the mum of an AuDHD child who basically dissembled when puberty started. There is little understanding of how Autistic girls cope with puberty, but it is a flashpoint. Both in terms of their bodies developing before they are emotionally and psychologically ready, but also because it triggers cognitive changes. There is a developmental gap between their bodies/chronological age and their emotional maturity. My DD is 21, academically brilliant but emotionally and socially barely 15/16yo on many days. I am told [🥺] that this gap gradually closes, but we are talking about a 27yo maybe having the maturity of a 23yo if we are luck one day.

Try to reframe the referral as an opportunity to get additional support from social services, who may give CAMHS a call regarding the referral for ND assessment, and to prompt CAMHS to prioritise your daughter for both assessment and MH support - because she does need it.

Social service support can be really useful. They provided a 1-2-1 your mentor for my DD. Take it as a godsend, a door to additional services being unlocked - and be open and honest and ASK them if there are any courses, support services, family mentors and counsellors etc that you could get access to. Show them you are engaged loving parents will to do anything to support her but don;t be afraid to tell them you are floundering.

Try not to be upset and to be positive about what could come out of this.

Why on earth does she need to have her armpits shaved? Buying a bra i can understand, but armpits is over the top surely.

Did you read the thread? Dd has extreme anxiety as a mental health diagnosis.

what’s wrong with people, honestly.

OP I’m a GP.
If tomorrow I see a young girl with autism, who has irregular bleeding and vulval itching, and screams at the mention of any gynaecological examination, should I just shrug and say it’s just her neurodiversity?

This is not that alarming. My eldest with autism slept in my bed till 11 or 12. Stopped eventually and now manages living away from home....

Don’t you? Do you have any experience of an ND child? No? amazing.

Wow. I’m genuinely horrified by your comment. I sincerely hoped understanding of the profound sensory distress autistic people face would be better understood.
Thankfully my GP has an autistic child of their own. I know their response would be supportive and kind.

Oh this sounds distressing for all of you. Of course you’re upset , just the mere suggestion would freak me out and your mind must be racing. But you know your child and her responses. And remember you have done nothing wrong, she was not accusing you , she is doing her job and try not to panic.

If you do need to speak to your boss , you don’t have to go into detail and just say because of some of her responses they want to delve further. That is perfectly acceptable and this will all blow over . It might even speed up some signposting for help you might need from CAHMs etc .

Practically maybe you can get her some period pants, they are fab and discreet and not so uncomfortable. Also there are lots of videos online that might help
explain to her and normalise periods and the hormonal changes girls go through, so it doesn’t all become so distressing to her.

And btw don’t let anyone shame you about co-sleeping . It can have fantastic benefits for a child and regulating their system. If it is child led then it can be wonderful for them. Sending love x