GP raised safeguarding concerns over daughter’s periods, itching and distress at appointment

[MyDearLeader]

DD age 10 under assessment for potential adhd (emotional dysregulation, sensory issues, sleep issues) has been showing signs of puberty for a few years (breast puds, hair etc) she is tall for her age. Anyway.. she started on what I believed to be her period on the 4th of July... we had been preparing for it but she is extremely private e.g when we went shopping for her first bra was extremely embarrassed and upset.. when she asked me to shave her armpits then got upset when I said she couldn't do it herself as needs supervision. She has big meltdowns shouting no no no over and over, i still sleep in her bed as she cannot sleep. Anyway the bleeding was very light lasted only a few days then went, it returned on the 19th unexpectedly.. 4 days very light. Anyway on the 1st it started again but this time heavier and bright red, she has also had intermittent itching on and off relieved by sudocrem. Due to all this I booked a gp appointment 1. To be sure this is actually start of period and not something else.

1. To investigate the itching and see if this was related to the bleeding.

My daughter initially refused to go crying hysterically (she wont even let me tell any family what is happening including her dad) I got her there i asked her should I speak or her she said me.

We saw a female dr, I explained everything she kept asking my daughter questions to which she kept hysterically crying shouting no no no.. the dr told me she was concerned at her distressed reaction I explained her history (which is all documented on her record including a diagnosis of anxiety disorder and camhs involvement) she said she was worried it was a trauma response? I informed her periods have been very much normalised in my house I have endometriosis and that she has emotional regulation problems never mind now with new hormones and she feels embarrassed.. she asked me to step out to talk to her alone, my daughter refused did not want to.. she wanted to swab her vagina.. my daughter went into meltdown screaming no no no, the dr said this was a concern?

She agreed it is likely period and the light bleeding were "test runs" gave me a swab to try at home but blindsided me by saying she has safeguarding concerns!!? I was absolutely blown away, I asked why she said the abnormal bleeding and itching.. said if her swab comes back as having thrush she will be formally reporting it? I said due to sensory issues she vigorously Wipes on repeat and I suffer with thrush frequently could she catch it from me? She said no.

Honestly i feel sick to my stomach. My daughter refused the swab by me and has let me supervise her doing it (very traumatic for her)

I just cannot believe it, i am an nhs professional and feel sick that I might need to report this to my line manager that I am being investigated.. my husband is distraught. I was just trying to ensure my daughter is definitely starting periods as mine did not do this and investigate the itching, she doesnt stay out and I sleep with her every night...

I understand processes need to be followed i am just so upset😥

“Who else” WTF?! Are you suggesting OP has randoms from down the street in her DD’s bed or something?!?

There are clear safeguarding red flags

Obviously there is a completely viable explanation, not every safeguarding referral means something is happening but the GP is right in making the referral to investigate.

How much room do.you think there is on this bed?

It’s not uncommon when ND is in the mix.

Try getting her to use wype gel after the toilet instead of scrubbing with toilet roll might ease the itching

My son is 13 autistic SEN etc ive only just been able to sleep in my own bed in my own room basically ive given him my room as he is comfortable there and put myself in another room I still end up in there some nights at one point I had his single bed and my double bed in there to try and get space

Its really hard when they have sleep issues

Poor you and poor child. No young girl wants people looking down her bottom. Periods, intimate sweat in this weather do come with on and off itch, especially if she does not like showers.

You could wait and see is it a period, wash her, put Sudo creme and give her a time to adjust to her new body situation. And yes, ND girls can go bonkers seeing blood coming out of them....

plus also yes, families do share sometimes beds or bedrooms. This country is mad

I don't think this is acceptable.

Do you think she suffered from precocious puberty OP? Do you think that might be something to do with the behaviours?

I can't use any Always towels as they make me itch like crazy. I'd get another brand in or try some more natural ones.

And I think your GP was right. It's better to be safe than sorry when it's a HCP. You know your situation, your GP doesn't. Take a deep breath and let them investigate.

No, just her DH as far as l can see. Didn’t take long for this to rear it’s head did it ?

Was she a junior/trainee GP by any chance OP?

Two of my exs were and one told me they had to do a portfolio with a certain amount of safeguarding cases in it. When I asked what happens if you don’t have any, he replied that he needed to have them to pass. 😒

There is a lot of trainee GPs at my surgery. I can tell as there is a lot more tick boxing than the others.

Last year, I went to the gp and saw one for a suspected ovarian cyst (have a history of them and turned out I did have one). Single mum so had to take ds with me to the appointment but didn’t involve any pelvic/intimate examination.

Towards the end of the appointment, she asked if I was coping alright. I asked what she meant and she pointed at very tall 3 year old ds and asked why he wasn't in school today! I corrected her that he was 3 years old and in afternoon nursery sessions. They had informed me when booking that they only had a morning appointment hence why he was there. She apologised and said she’d presumed he was older.

Going back to your situation, I’m not ND and no history of SA and remember being very embarrassed about periods when they started. I also remember being itchy down there sometimes and had irregular periods and spotting throughout my teens (pcos) . I once had a lump on my breast at around 12 and I cried when the gp examined it as I was so embarrassed.

Whenever it’s the hot weather, despite showering twice a day, I often get itchiness down there. Been swabbed for BV/thrush/std, all are negative. I did have it with a uti recently and the antibiotics helped so maybe it could be down to that? Especially if she’s wiping vigorously.

Once the swab results come back and if they’re clear (which I’m sure they will be), I would be putting a complaint to PALS in if I were you.

35 years ago my mother took me to the GP. I am ND and I was incredibly distressed about the female dr examining me due to issues with urination.
I was being sexually abused by my mother’s partner and I wish my dr had had safeguarding concerns. If nothing is going on then nothing bad will happen but sometimes something awful is going on and it needs to be found out.
It’s worth a few awkward questions to keep little children safe. My mother still knows nothing and the abuse continued until they broke up. I have crippling ptsd and I’m struggling to recover. Please don’t be angry with the dr, she’s doing her job.

Do you have any experience of ND children ? Because it’s quite common.

You'd rather let a child be distraught? And not sleep? And for what? Just because it breaks a completely random rule that has no purpose whatsoever? If you can't trust her mum to safely sleep next to her daughter at night how could you trust them to live in the same house? Honestly, people are just being disgusting. Of course abuse unfortunately happens but op hasn't said anything that indicates this is the case here at all.

So in your world do only neuro typical children get sexually abused?

Unfortunately, and extremely sadly, I can't think of any child who is immune to the advances of abusers, whether they are sexual abusers, or mental health abusers, or "just" physical abusers.

But if there are many people who think the same way as you do @AnnaMagnani how much harder is it going to be to safeguard our most vulnerable children?

Just wanted to add as a parent of a ND child that it is absolutely normal for many ND children to struggle to sleep on their own. Those pp’s commenting negatively about this are no doubt not parents of ND children. I hope your DD finds things easier over time.

Its really really common with autistic children

Hi OP sorry your daughter is going through this! Don’t panic though. The GP has a duty to refer and raise safeguarding concerns when they arise. It doesn’t mean she believes you have done anything untoward but she still has to follow the signs and indicators. With your child (and many other children who are ND) there are indicators of abuse.

On the flip side, unfortunately children who have additional needs or are ND are more likely to be abused so it is positive that she is taking things seriously! I’m sure all will be well though so try not to panic 🙂

My non autistic dc loved coming into my bed at age 10. People are so weird on mn.

Can I suggest trying cheeky pandas bamboo sanitary pads - they’re unscented and so much better for not triggering thrush imo. Also check she has cotton knickers.

I don't think the GP is accusing you, OP, but there are some signs there and hopefully there's an innocent explanation. Like the itching is just from the sanitary wear or something. I agree that the disposable stuff can cause irritation. You can also get cloth sanitary towels as well as the period pants. Also agree it's normal for ND children to need a parent for sleep, my neighbour is late teens and autistic and still needs a parent in the bedroom.

There are serious red flags here & the GP can’t just ignore them because your DD is neurodiverse. Children with ADHD/ASD get sexually abused too. Surely you see that? Are you 100% sure she hasn’t been abused?

That’s very different to having to sleep in their parents bed every night.

Parent sleeping in the same bed is not a safeguarding red flag. It drives me mad that this country and culture expects children, and anxious ones at that, to sleep alone (when many adults don’t/wont sleep alone).
My son was 13 when he started sleeping alone. He was anxious, ND and needed comfort. He’s a 6ft 3 independent man now, a leader in his field. There were no safeguarding concerns, he just needed the comfort of a parent.
The judgement of parents who breastfeed for prolonged periods or sleep with their children is totally unwarranted and doesn’t happen in other countries.

Try organic sanitary pads they make a difference to me x

I went through early puberty and had periods at ten. I also had chronic urine infections that caused light bleeds and intolerable itching. I was so sensitive down there (and embarrassed) that I would cry when examined. It’s upsetting for any child and I still get tearful undergoing smear tests.