Ex is trying to book an assessment for Autism for our 6yr old boy.

[skip1808]

Any help or advice please as the title says. I’m a co-parent and have always struggled working with the Ex, it’s always her way or no way and I don’t get told things or doc appointments or anything important to do with him untill a week after it’s been done!

so our boy was born in 2019 then followed by covid a month or so afterwards then lockdowns.
he comes from x2 really quiet homes to where there’s no screaming and shouting or loud noises etc.. just very quiet neighbourhood with both parents.

so what’s started this was, when he started P1 he was struggling to adapt to the loud environment that schools being, lots of screaming kids etc..the ex was straight to say that he has a problem and bought him hear defenders to help with the noise becomes to much. I had spoken to the teacher about this and had explained his situation and he also agreed that it will just be a learning curve to adjust to noises he’s not used to.

well he’s coming up to P3 soon and he no longer needs them and is doing really well in school and no issues as far as I’m concerned.
the ex is still admitted that he needs testing but for me I don’t and never did see anything to make me feel concerned about, I just a normal wee 6yr old being a 6yr old. Now the ex doesn’t work and relies on benefits and some of the benefits are falsely, and I’m concerned she’s doing all this to add to her claims by using our child for it. She would and is always listening to other ppl and being told how to say things to make more awarding for her.

I don’t know what to do about this.

Never known an app only one parent can use. You can both have sane login. And you are able to email, phone and arrange to speak with your child's school. All details will be on website re school events, parents eve wtc. If she is so difficult have you tried mediation or using a court approved co parenting app? Lots of options as you are wanting to be involved.

Benefits have zero to do with diagnosis btw so thats nonsense. Do you support with school drop off, picck up, childcare etc.

Who cares if the ex exploits a diagnosis for benefits? This isn't about her, it's about your son. Focus on him, not her antics.

@CrazyGoatLady
I think OP is afraid she’ll either exaggerate or make up traits during the assessment process if she’s doing it to get benefits. No idea if this is true of his ex or if it could even work, but I believe that’s what he’s afraid of.

There are obviously downsides to an autism diagnosis. You shouldn’t have one unless you need one. It’s a positive then.

Assessor should take into account both parents' informant reports as well as school/nursery, anyone else who cares for the child for a significant amount of time. And a good assessor will know very quickly if a parent is overinvested in a particular outcome (either getting or not getting a diagnosis). We are trained to spot it and trained in how to deal with it, set expectations, etc.

I would advise OP to be engaged in the process, participate, request a separate interview and to submit his own informant report. Talk to the professionals about any concerns, ask questions about how they do the assessment, the process, etc. Request a meeting (separately) with the child's school to discuss how he is there. The more information the assessor(s) has, the better. Especially if there are conflicting reports from the adult informants.

All of this will be far more constructive than focusing on and stewing about what the ex might or might not want out of it.

I would advise OP to be engaged in the process, participate, request a separate interview and to submit his own informant report. Talk to the professionals about any concerns, ask questions about how they do the assessment, the process, etc. Request a meeting (separately) with the child's school to discuss how he is there. The more information the assessor(s) has, the better. Especially if there are conflicting reports from the adult informants.

Absolutely agree. OP needs to be involved.
Talking to the school and building a relationship with them as a first step. Make sure he’s on the app, gets all information about meetings etc.

I’d also make sure he was getting all information re doctor’s referrals etc.

I assume you’re in Scotland, but I imagine the process is similar to England. I’m a GP in England. A referral for autism assessment requires a school report and a GP referral. If the school report is consistent with a probably diagnosis of autism, and the GP referral supports this, your child is put on the waiting list, which is about 4 years. I really don’t think you need to give this any thought.

Not true. They use diagnosis as evidence for disability- especially if there is no echps yet.

The previous poster was correct. DLA is based off needs, not diagnosis. Not every diagnosed child is deemed entitled to DLA

But threshold for that level of financial support is very high. Unless the Dad is a complete deadbeat and not even doing every other week then there is no way he wouldn’t have noticed this level of need. Although saying that a lot od parents, especially Dad are in denial.