DD refusing MRI

[Quornflakegirl]

DD (13 in a few months) needs an MRI scan to assess anomalies of her uterus/cervix/kidneys - but is refusing to have the scan. I’ve spoken with her about why it is necessary (as has the specialist she is seeing at the hospital) but she still refuses. I feel exasperated with her as it has been a long process to get to this point and she is very “lucky” that this diagnoses has been made now while she is young. I have reassured her, shown her pictures of the scanning process and given my own personal experience but she still refuses.

Any advice/tips?

@minkywalesYou can’t understand it ?
claustrophobia, loud noises.
I just about managed mine, but never again.

And I absolutely hated mine. I went through it ( I’m grown up ) but it wasn’t easy and I was very nervous. It was the feeling of being helpless just with this big noisy machine without anyone around. It’s overwhelming.
Im not claustrophobic and went through a lot of medical things in my life but the way MRI is done really makes me nervous.

Has someone frightened her, a 'well meaning' friend telling her horror stories about radiation and totally untrue things about MRI scans? Is there anyone else she might talk to, her Dad, Grandmother or sibling that might be able to find out what the problem is and report back A firm father/daughter chat, or sympathetic loving GP might get somewhere. Is there a support forum for her type of problem where she could post anonymously and get answers to questions and concerns she doesn't want (or too embarrassed) to ask you.

Does she watch a lot of medical dramas?

I'm usually fine with most medical procedures (I'm disabled and have had a shit ton of them!) but was terrified leading up to my MRI but couldn't put my finger on why.

Eventually I realised it was because of the many many scenes in medical dramas where someone would suddenly have an emergency inside an MRI and need to be pulled out. I had to keep telling myself that the MRI machine didn't cause it.

Thank you to everyone for your helpful posts and advice. I had a long think and took dd for a Starbucks after school. She told me she thought she had to be naked in the scanner and absolutely did not want this. She was visibly relieved when I talked her through it again (I did discuss it with her previously but I think she had selective hearing that time).

So with the comfort of knowing she can wear her own clothes and a promise of a small spend in Sephora she has agreed to go to her scan!

Thank you for being kind and reassuring, this is my first experience of raising a teenager - and it’s not easy!

Ah poor bairn her mind must have been all over the place. I am glad you were able to reassure her about the MRI. She throughly deserves a nice little treat afterwards as a reward for being so brave. I remember well the days of ‘selective hearing’😂

Ah I'm so pleased you've been able to resolve her fears and find a way forward. (We don't always hear things properly when we're scared.) Well done!

Your poor DD! I can see why she was adamant she wasn't having a scan.

It might be worth making her aware she can't wear a "normal" bra due to the metal, just in case that's something that would also bother her. At my last MRI, they let me wear a sports bra as it was metal free. It might be worth taking her shopping for a nice sports bra or bralette ahead of the date xx

So glad you got to chat properly.

I was going to suggest she was using attack as a form of defence. Either worried about scan or about results. Thing is if you know there will be treatment when X is confirmed sometimes it’s easier to avoid the confirmation iyswim?

Your DD is lucky to have you inside both fighting for her to be tested and to find a way to help her through this.

Glad its sorted but a lot of you ramp with your kids way too much.

I'd have explained why she needs it, and what might happen if she doesn't in stark terms. If she refuses, I'd have her assesses formally for gillick competency by professionals, and if she isn't Gillick competent, then she would be made to go.

She's a child. Treat her like one and act like her parent. It seems like people are scared of their kids now. Especially teenage girls. Why?

Im not scared of her, I love her and want her to feel safe and secure always. She is learning how to make decisions and how to navigate life and I am her guide not an enforcer.

The reality is that she's a child. When it comes to her medical wellbeing, you are responsible: legally, socially and morally. If her health is compromised, and she is refusing intervention, then like everyone else, she should be assessed for the competency to do so like she would as an adult.

Children don't have the same assumed competency when it comes to medical procedures so she would have to be assessed to see if she has that competency rather than it being a given that she does.

Taking her down that route is validating her feelings because it admits that she might have the capacity to make this decision but she would have to be taken through a process which would ensure she is informed enough to make it. It's an intro to the real world.

Oh good. Glad it was simple.

yes, absolutely no metal. It may be easiest for her to simply dress in soft clothing so she doesn’t have to take anything off at all once she arrives.

Your daughter is frightened, it's that simple. She knows there's potentially something wrong with her, that could have implications for her in the future. She's most likely refusing the MRI because it's something she can control but it also delays the official diagnosis from being confirmed. I think you need to see if there's a counselling service available at the hospital or if her school's pastoral care team can signpost her for help. She needs this help asap.

@MyOliveHelper - talk me through if you can, how exactly a teenager would be "made to go" to have the MRI scan. Could you also explain what "ramp with your kids" means. Thank you.

https://jamaicanpatwah.com/term/Ramp/1077

You just tell them that they need to have it done and that it's going to be done. Sedation is an option if necessary. It's what you'd do if your child was scared of the dentist and those provisions can be made for a necessary MRI.

Easy to talk like that when it's a hypothetical situation and you have no skin in it. Over in the real world, the op had a calm and respectful conversation with her child and resolved the situation constructively.

Being a bully about these things is a great way to destroy your relationship and cause long term problems with medical procedures.

Do you not have the interpersonal skills necessary to resolve difficult situations without being coercive?

I had a lot of medical procedures as a child, from age 12 upwards. The consultant always treated me as Gillick competent. He drew me diagrams as needed, and plenty of explanations. He explained why I needed a test, and what we would do with the answers we got from it. If this is going to be an ongoing condition I'd recommend encouraging the consultant to talk to your daughter, not you, as much as possible and for her to write down questions before appointments etc. I always signed the consent forms and that felt better, even though often it wasn't much if a choice (going blind was usually the alternative). But again, consultant was good, he would offer a middle ground, to wait a week or two, see if it improved on its own etc. he made me feel in control, even when we were pretty short on options.

@MyOliveHelper - thank you for the explanation.

She does sound anxious, whether about the results or the procedure it's hard to say.
I would go with a triple pronged approach: carrot, stick, and reassurance.
Carrot: as others have said, a bribe of her choice.
Stick: whatever it is she isn't allowed to do until she's done her homework normally, taken away for a week (e.g. phone, screen time) before hand and indefinitely after if she doesn't agree.
Reassurance: the key phrase is "I know you're worried, but I'm sure you'll be fine". If you say there's nothing to worry about, she probably won't believe it, but if you tell her about all the little things she might seize on something she hadn't thought of before to fix on.

DS12 had one recently. It’s quite a big deal with having to lie so still for so long and potentially feeling claustrophobic let alone the noise.
i would try and show her as much understanding as possible and try and work out a way forward.
She might be motivated by a reward or maybe knowing that she could say stop if it felt too overwhelming. Maybe she needs a little more time to process things before she has it. maybe she wants someone in with her. I think the key thing is getting her to a point of feeling able to open about what’s scaring her. It may be frustrating but it really is a massive deal and she’s only a child

It's not bullying to ensure your child gets an education, proper healthcare, nutrition etc, it's parenting. It seems we've lost the ability to say "you are doing this" and enforcing it in fear of being abusive.

When it comes to kids and healthcare, I'm pretty rigid. I believe it's up to parents to make choices for their children. I'd not have any qualms supporting a parent who declines all vaccination for their child, even though I support the majority of routine vaccinations. I'd ensure a child has the capacity to understand what they're consenting to or declining as per legal guidance.

I don't believe that you can coerce medical consent from a child that lacks the capacity to consent themselves. Coercion is irrelevant here unless the child has been assessed as having the competency.

If this person was an adult, I'd say it's totally up to them.

That was him assessing your competency.

Don’t listen to this, fucking hell.

Well sone - you got there. Poor lass.