DD refusing MRI

[Quornflakegirl]

DD (13 in a few months) needs an MRI scan to assess anomalies of her uterus/cervix/kidneys - but is refusing to have the scan. I’ve spoken with her about why it is necessary (as has the specialist she is seeing at the hospital) but she still refuses. I feel exasperated with her as it has been a long process to get to this point and she is very “lucky” that this diagnoses has been made now while she is young. I have reassured her, shown her pictures of the scanning process and given my own personal experience but she still refuses.

Any advice/tips?

Could you look at this information page together, there's also a video to watch. I agree it sounds like there is something frightening about it to her, so maybe even if she can't articulate what it is, at much info as possible will help?

I would never lie or trick her, that doesn’t sit right with me.

It is quite possible she’ll need surgery if they find a blockage. I don’t mean to be cagey about it not life threatening or life changing (now) but it will make her life more comfortable and easier if she does have the surgery they suspect she’ll require. Re-reading this makes me realise that she is probably afraid and I need to try again to speak to her about these fears.

I agree it’s almost certainly fear. Does she have unsupervised access to the internet? Could she have been googling worst case scenarios for her condition or googling bad MRI experiences which have left her anxious? If she knows the results could lead to needing surgery she may also be scared of that, there are lots of scare stories on the internet.

Yes this if you can I'd go.as elaborate as I could afford/is reasonable.

What has her consultant suggested op ?

Is she scared for some reason? Does DD know what an MRI involves? As a person that had had many MRI scans over the last 14 years, they are noisy but not uncomfortable. Can you make some kind of deal with her, she knows she needs the scan, if she won’t talk sensibly to you is there anyone else in the family that she will listen too? I hope you get it sorted out and the results are reassuring OP.

I also.saw someone suggested sedation its maybe something you can look at?

They can do it under a general anaesthetic if needed. My son has one every couple of years under a general.

Bribery?

otherwise a phone ban until she has the scan.

She doesn’t have a phone and doesn’t have any unsupervised access to the internet. She decided when we walked out the consultant’s room that she wasn’t having it and every time I bring it up she has a prolonged raging screaming fit. I know this sounds dramatic but she’s been put on contraceptives recently to help with her cycle and rollercoaster moods, all this is linked to her diagnoses.

Can you speak to the paediatrics team she is under and ask if they have a playworker who can talk her through her fears/ what is happening/the outcomes etc? We had the most amazing team meet our teen a few times before procedures and they got through to her where we failed.

Look at videos of mri together, like this

Make sure she doesn’t look by herself on TikTok etc because there are a few horrible videos of people dying in an MRI (if magnetic metal is brought into the scan room, it can fly into the magnet and kill the patient). I think that might be one of the deaths in the new Final Destination movie (not sure) but if she or friends have seen that, they could have a v bad impression of MRI.

has she had any counselling or play therapy about her illness? She could have a whole lot of worries about the future that are coming out in this refusal to engage with treatment.

This

If this is fear (and sounds like could be valid) of what a scam will show bribery would not work.

At around 16 we were looking at whether I should have some serious surgery and it was scary but I didn’t want to show it. (In my case there was no need as anyone would worry about it so staff and my parents were open about. I’d also had a long time knowing.

in my mid 20s had the surgery I had a complication. I knew I had to have the scan and it would be treatment but I so wanted to run away. I wasn’t contending with fear of the procedure that I’d had many times already, but knowing what next.

Are there any support groups or a charity for her condition. She may find chatting online with someone who really knows how it feels helpful.

I don’t know if this is helpful, but I really enjoyed mine. Some people have told me that they hated it, but I cannot understand why that would be the case. It was warm, I felt cocooned, and there was a thrumming noise that I liked.

Has she got a piercing that you are unaware of and she can't remove herself?

I had a health issue requiring investigation and unknown outcomes at a similar age.

I had similar raging outbursts and refusal to go/ have things done.

I was absolutely fucking terrified of what they might find and what might happen to me. The logical side of me knew the likelihood of a positive outcome, knew the tests were not going to hurt etc but I was still terrified.

All the adults acting like it wasn't really a big deal (so as not to scare me) didn't help at all. I felt totally alone in my fear, unable to voice them due to embarrassment (at being seen as a scared kid) and them being dismissed by grown ups.

Now as an adult I realise I'd still be scared. I'd have an adult brain that could overcome that fear for the greater good but it would still be scary - I could now verbalise my fears in a way I couldn't then and I'd have a support network that I could open up to.

She doesn’t have a phone

Probably a good place to start with the bribery... 😊

Like others have said, this sounds like it’s what might come after the scan, rather than the scan itself, that’s the issue. Denial and fear are powerful behavioural drivers, and if surgery and other follow on treatments are likely, then she can stave those off by refusing the scan, however irrational a thought process that is.

Bribery?
I had a childhood illness and at 11 I had to have some scary and painful tests. I was genuinely terrified and anxious but knew it had to be done. My mum would tell me I could have a treat afterwards. I remember one time getting a magna doodle type thing (glitter writer, I think it was called?) that I wanted, and another time a sega game. I was still frightened, but I knew that once it was over, I’d be able to play with my new toy/game.
Is there something she really wants? An outfit? A computer game?

If the condition isn’t one which affects her fertility, I’d try asking her in a kind voice what she would do if she was the mum and you were the 13 year old in this situation. I think that her answer will be interesting if you can get her to give it….

It does sound like it's about what comes afterwards. Especially if that's what the specialist had said during the appointment where she said afterwards she wasn't doing it.

If it's not immediately life changing or life altering, then that genuinely means things can go at her pace after the scan. That gives you both power to make this step more manageable.

I'd really be emphasising that and acknowledging her fears. She's only having an MRI, she's not agreeing to surgery right now. It's just information gathering, not a commitment to anything else. (And the same coping strategy applies to meeting with a surgeon if it progresses that way, turning up for the appointment doesn't mean she's committed to do anything except discuss it.)

As someone else has said, being breezy about "it's just an MRI" won't help her open up if she's frightened of being on a conveyor belt to surgery and other assorted horrible things but feels you're being dismissive.

If everything feels out of her control then putting her foot down and refusing to proceed gives her back the control. See if you can find other ways to make her feel in control.

I know what you mean. I listened to the noises as if it was weird music and it helped. My husband used to be a radiographer in MRI and I know some people listen to their own music on headphones.

Oh poor girl. It must be scary having all this on her mind. Has she been looking things up herself, not everyone likes mri. I wonder if she can chose a playlist to be played. Music is a great way of distracting the mind.

As its something she is clearly finding daunting, I really would be treating her with something or going somewhere she really wants to go to.

Show her you understand her feelings and how she deserves something lovely for being so brave

She doesn’t have a phone and won’t be getting one until she’s in year 10.

sorry, this is the wrong poster!