DD refusing MRI

[Quornflakegirl]

DD (13 in a few months) needs an MRI scan to assess anomalies of her uterus/cervix/kidneys - but is refusing to have the scan. I’ve spoken with her about why it is necessary (as has the specialist she is seeing at the hospital) but she still refuses. I feel exasperated with her as it has been a long process to get to this point and she is very “lucky” that this diagnoses has been made now while she is young. I have reassured her, shown her pictures of the scanning process and given my own personal experience but she still refuses.

Any advice/tips?

If she doesn't want to can you defer it for a few months to take the pressure off.

Let her come round to the idea in her own time.

She needs treatment depending on outcome so it can’t be deferred really. It’s taken 10 months to get to this point and a lot of persistence on my behalf as doctors fobbed us off initially.

The medical staff will not restrain a 13 year old for a scan even if this could get her there. Being there through bribery or this type of force might also make her tense up and not manage the scan, even if she fully trying to co-operate, relax and wants it.

Even simple procedures are frightening. I get worried about certain times I have anaesthetic though I have had many operations. It’s horrible feeling out of control and wondering what results may be.

Beg the consultant team for help. Do they have anyone who'd talk to her about her fears? Hopefully it's a children's hospital and they have play therapists and others who can help.

I lasted about 6 seconds in an mri before I had a mental breakdown that gave me panic attacks for months. If she is truly scared, no amount of explaining or bribery is going to work.

mri can be done with sedation. Also, not all machines are the same. Some of the newer models are less enclosed.

thus far my doctor’s have simply used alternative means of dealing with my inability to get through a scan. I would push for sedation, but if that won’t work, you may have to explore other options.

you sound very angry

Is she struggling with the diagnosis? You may think she’s ’lucky’ but she probably does t understand why you feel like that.

If you’re going to post a harsh comment at least read the OP’s posts. DD doesn’t have a phone.

What happens if she doesn’t have it?

what happens if she doesn’t have it now?

unless it’s time critical as in the MRI results will lead to treatment that if done now will preserve her life of fertility, I’d back off.

if it can be done in 6 months or a year, then let her set the pace. Get her counselling- I agree with pp getting a diagnosis can be more frightening than being able to just go into denial.

it sounds like whatever her condition is or may be she need some help coming to terms with it regardless. Give her some bodily autonomy back, let her decide when she wants the MRI.

if it is critical she has it now then again that needs explaining to her. Again though give her as much control as you can- what will it take to get her to consent? Let her set the terms. Is it going without you? Rewards- money, holiday? If it’s that important I’d agree to pretty much anything, including Disneyland 😂

When I was 15 I had to have surgery, when the doctor told me I basically didn't hear anything else that he told me and had a full blown panic attack. I remember coming out of the room absolutely indignant that I would not be having the surgery.

My DM sat me down and talked me through the process - first stage, consultation, next stage, book a date, then the surgery. She made it clear we could go at my pace (even though my surgery was very much needed and this likely wasn't the best option). She said if I could do it her and my dad would get me a treat.

First stage arrived and we met with the consultant, who told me the options re local/general anesthetic. I said I wanted general. He then booked the surgery. Panic attack number 2.

Then the date of the surgery, I was almost 16. So I get to the hospital and they tell me I'm going on the adult ward to wait, that meant I would be going in alone. Panic attack number 3. My mum stood up for me and said that I needed her there or I wouldn't go in, the nurses agreed and let her come down as far as the actual anesthesia room. I got an iPod nano as my treat - which was great while i rested from the surgery.

Following the surgery I needed a blood test. It took 6 months of therapy before I had that blood test. My mum dutifully took me to therapy every week and never said a word about how "easy" blood tests are or anything. One day I came out of therapy and said I wanted to get it done - we drove to the hospital and my mum again was my biggest advocate, she told the nurses I was afraid and the nurses talked me through it, they told me I could leave at any time and come back another day. Funnily enough, the thing that got me through the blood test - the iPod nano, the nurses told me to put on my favourite song and lay down.

I am still so fearful of surgeries and blood tests etc but a lot can be said for positive first experiences because I now cope much better (no panic attacks!) in those sorts of situations and have had many blood tests/unpleasant examinations since.

I think if I was in your shoes and talking to my daughter, I'd break it down into sections, offer to go at her pace and offer a treat. As we all know, fear is a horrible emotion, and it's hard when you're young to understand that even adults are fearful of these kinds of things!

I agree. I hate needles but have to have blood drawn regularly and I’m ok with that, but the MRI scan was the worst experience of my life.

@Quornflakegirlyou can’t force her by grounding her, you can’t bribe her because on the day if she doesn’t want to go into the scanner, it won’t work.

Talk to her, look into if she can be sedated, ask for a visit to the scanner etc. That’s how I deal with all my daughter’s medical stuff. Being angry and thinking she is foolish for not wanting it will never end well.

She may also be deemed competent to make her own decisions and you just have to live with that. She may decide to do it later, it’s up to her.

This is excellent advice

Could she have a piercing you don’t know about? Maybe she can’t have an MRI because she has metal somewhere that she’s keeping secret?

She hasn’t got a secret piercing at all? Belly button?

Is sedation an option, even something mild like valium - I've had a couple of MRIs and had valium the second time, which did help a lot, I've had a colonoscopy under sedation, and I remembered nothing at all, slept through it.

You don't understand why some people hate being in what's like an enclosed tube with lots of noise?

I've had several MRI scans and really hate them. I'm very sensitive to noise and find the noise painful.

If your daughter continues to say no - there isn’t much you can do. Can I just say that I refused a MRI scan because of claustrophobia. My surgeon suggested a CT scan instead and that was fine. No noise and you just lie on the bed as you are scanned by the “doughnut”.

https://www.gosh.nhs.uk/conditions-and-treatments/procedures-and-treatments/your-child-having-mri-scan-without-sedation-or-general-anaesthetic/

Sorry, the link didn't work before, suggest she could have a read through of this

OP I’m just taking a guess but I imagine it’s less about the MRI and more about what the results could mean. Last year I had a test done that takes about two hours and involves them taking lots of blood and I had a panic attack before it started and again when the took the first blood. The stupid thing was I’m absolutely fine with needles and had even had the test before and was fine with it, but it led to a life changing diagnosis and I was scared of what the outcome would be having been blindsided the first time.

If your DD’s refusal came after the hospital appointment and diagnosis she’s probably trying her best to have some control in a really scary situation. 13 year olds don’t do long term consequences at the best of times so she’s just trying to control the immediate without thinking of the long term.

100% ask the consultant if she can see a play therapist at the hospital. I’ve worked with them a couple of times and they are miracle workers in convincing kids, but also in helping them come to terms with diagnosis and cope with scary situations in hospitals. If she’s not at a children’s hospital ask if she can be referred to one instead as they’re a much nicer environment. The MRI scanners there also often have TVs or music with loud headphones and staff are great at giving children the time they need to feel confident in them. Also offer her something if she does it. Don’t frame it as bribery but a reward for doing something really hard and getting through it because it is hard but she can do it.

Definitely bribery. Don't punish her it's not fair she's obviously scared.

I absolutely hated the MRI, I panicked and pressed the button but they didn't let me out till they had finished - I refused a second one and they compromised with a different scan.
Do not force her as suggested by some posters .

It’s quite unusual not to have a phone until year 10.

It’s fine if that’s what you’ve decided but I’m wondering about her access to information and knowledge, and her ability to research things for herself. Can she freely access a PC or tablet with no parental controls on it? Searching for many gynae conditions on parentally filtered internet will be a dead end.

i had a condition at her age which was life altering in a different kind of way; I was encouraged to use libraries and books and everything that was then available to do my research, and I did, extensively. My parents were totally squeamish about actually talking about anything bodily so this was a lifesaver.

I’m just wondering if she maybe feels disempowered as well as scared about the outcome of her procedure.. knowledge is power, how about sitting down and researching the potential condition and treatements together?

If you speak to the medical teams if it’s anything like endometriosis MRIs can be inconclusive anyway so they maybe putting her thorough this for very little benefit. In lots of situations a laparoscopic investigation could be done straight away. Is she aware that this would be the next step? And maybe she just wants to skip straight to a conclusion?

Procedure anxiety is a thing for both adults and children. Please contact your consultants secretary and explain what's going on. I work in a children's hospital. Things that can be offered are psychological support by a psychologist or play therapist. There also might be the option of light sedation or anxiety reduction medication in preparation. It's normal to have these feelings and she should not be punished because she struggling.

Hi Op, I was about to say this.

My child is younger but I insist on GA for MRI. The last one took over an hour and I know he wouldn't have coped, no matter what headphones or play therapists or other tricks they have.

It very much depends on the hospital and staff though.