I need help with DD and her weight.

[PaperDoIIs]

DD is 12 and while still in healthy range she is right at the top of it. It has been steadily going up, which wasn't too bad when she had several growth spurts a year but this seems to have stopped now.

She is incredibly fussy and always has been. She dropped her milk at 11 months, then slowly dropped foods until she ate nothing and we had to reintroduce everything,including toast. She was 3 when she first accepted pancakes. She never really felt hunger(she does now) so the whole she'll eat when hungry never worked.As a result of this she was always tiny, going from slightly underweight to bottom range of healthy. This was really stressful and upsetting and I really struggled. Hell, I still freak out sometimes if she stops eating when poorly as it brings it all back.

She did get better over the years , but her diet is still severely lacking in veg and healthier options. On the other side she also won't touch fizzy drinks, things like pizza,ham, sausage rolls etc.

So now I'm looking at her diet and ways to help without making too much of a fuss or forcing her to eat certain things. The only things I came up with are reducing portion sizes and reducing sweets. If anyone has any other ideas/suggestions or have a similar kid I would love to hear some advice.

I'm happy to share what she does eat/typical week menu if you think it will help. I know it's pretty crappy, which is my fault.

If you continue to tell your daughter she's fat and needs to be careful with her diet and keep weighing her then she'll end up developing anorexia or bulimia.

I have never ever told her that and never would no matter what. I do not share my worries and thoughts with her.

That's why I asked for changes that aren't obvious. Like having slightly smaller portions sizes, cutting down on sweets , adding veg on her plate (and whatever happens ,happens), not encouraging her to eat more regardless of what's left on the plate, reducing amounts of cheese/butter. That's the plan I came up with from this thread.

The weighing has always been part of her life due to the issues when she was little so she just randomly does it herself anyways and tells me. She has no idea what x kgs is or what it means or what is normal , or that I checked her BMI.

You should say the scales have broken

Her BMI is within healthy range (BMI 21) so the only adaptations to her diet would be to encourage her to eat lunch instead of skipping it and maybe adding some veggies to her dinner. You don't need to ban snacks and reduce portion sizes because she's not fat. Also bin the scales. Some 12 year olds have a body resembling that of a woman whereas others look like they're 9 years old. Stop comparing her.

Guys, please stop blaming OP for things like this because she’s trying her best and is here for advice so let’s try to be productive and supportive.
OP, I have very early developing anorexia and bulimia and I think part of the cause was being made to be self conscious about eating (table manner fetish from parents) observing my mother insult other fat people and imply they were morally bad, and rules like “if you go for a run you can have pudding” when I was 8-10. It was also a natural predisposition - some people can be triggered in a sentence, some people need a child’s lifetime of low-level nastiness like that and some just won’t be triggered. I’d agree that the scale should maybe be kept for GP checkups and subtly binned or hidden because children become aware of things like weight stuff shockingly young due to exposure to the internet.
To be honest, there’s loads of stuff you can do - actually even googling a few reputable sources is probably going to help more than asking here - but most of it will be very small-scale and quiet so she doesn’t start either crash dieting or develop an ED.
Also to the poster who mentioned BMI regarding someone under eighteen, BMI is dodgy even for adults (a muscular athlete will often be obese in BMI etc etc) as it’s a statistical measure for insurance/actuarial purposes and developed ages ago. The correct measure for children is weight for height. @PaperDoIIs talk to your GP for more info on that :)

BMI is a shocking way to measure if you’re obese or not.

Shes 5’’ 8st and a size 6-8

You say she plays a lot of sports, so she’s probably quite muscular, so she’s likely ‘denser’.

A lb of fat is not equal in volume to a lb of muscle.

Shes active, get her a smart watch, track steps, don’t offer more food if she says she’s full.

You know her weight and height so work out her TDEE and then look at the calories you’re giving her daily, no need to make it into a big thing.

I personally dont think OP needs to do anything different other than just keep an eye out

However, people do love to slag off BMI, its a tool, it works for the vast vast majority of the population, it has a wide range within, it accounts for age, ethnicity etc

Its not a shocking way to account for obesity at all.

It sounds like you're doing great OP and have an intelligent approach to this. You know weighing her weekly (WTF?) would be wrong and are trying not to make an issue of things fir her. I think you have some trauma from those early years which is fuelling your concern perhaps more than it should. But you also understand this. Like PP my mum was constantly dieting and weighing herself throughout my childhood (not me) and it did affect me. It would have been worse I think if I had not been a boarder from age 10-16 when the internet didn't exist. I'd only add to just try more home cooked stuff if you haven't already - and does she ever help you make dinner? Get her involved. Find a recipe together she likes the look of. We have the Jo Wicks cookbook or find one from someone she likes. Sweet potatoes are a hit here with my DD (12) and an easy go to veg. I just peel them toss them in olive oil and throw in the oven as wedges. Throw peas and tiny chopped carrots in mince for lasagne and Shepard's pie. Honestly though, she sounds fine and just needs to cut down the UPFs that are laden with salt sugar. That's a struggle most of us have though.

Haven't read any of this, but as the mother of a daughter who developed anorexia at age 12 (after filling out a bit - a normal and natural part of growing!!) I would urge you to step back and take a measured approach.

Modelling a healthy attitude to eating (where all food is allowed and ok in moderation as part of a healthy diet) and understanding to eat until full is a much better approach than any kind of weighing, diet, restriction etc.

I wouldn't wish the hell we've been through as family on anyone.

I took the batteries out.

With the greatest of respect. She isn’t big. Shes 12 years old, hormones will play a part in weight gain.

Good idea!