I need help with DD and her weight.

[PaperDoIIs]

DD is 12 and while still in healthy range she is right at the top of it. It has been steadily going up, which wasn't too bad when she had several growth spurts a year but this seems to have stopped now.

She is incredibly fussy and always has been. She dropped her milk at 11 months, then slowly dropped foods until she ate nothing and we had to reintroduce everything,including toast. She was 3 when she first accepted pancakes. She never really felt hunger(she does now) so the whole she'll eat when hungry never worked.As a result of this she was always tiny, going from slightly underweight to bottom range of healthy. This was really stressful and upsetting and I really struggled. Hell, I still freak out sometimes if she stops eating when poorly as it brings it all back.

She did get better over the years , but her diet is still severely lacking in veg and healthier options. On the other side she also won't touch fizzy drinks, things like pizza,ham, sausage rolls etc.

So now I'm looking at her diet and ways to help without making too much of a fuss or forcing her to eat certain things. The only things I came up with are reducing portion sizes and reducing sweets. If anyone has any other ideas/suggestions or have a similar kid I would love to hear some advice.

I'm happy to share what she does eat/typical week menu if you think it will help. I know it's pretty crappy, which is my fault.

I forgot to mention drinks. Only water at school. At home milk, water or sugar free flavoured water. I bought her an air up bottle to see if we can phase out the flavoured water. No fizzy drinks, but she has a milkshake bottle/carton every now and then or a mogu mogu drink. She had quite a few J2O's (the glitterberry ones) over Christmas.

I'm sorry for all the posts , I'm trying to be as detailed and honest as possible.

Looking at that I’d say portion size is your problem.
Its not the healthiest of diet but I’ve seen much worse and it doesn’t actually look like a huge amount of excess snacks and stuff.
Some people are always going to be bigger than others. My Dd sounds similar in shape. I am aware she is hovering at the edge of being overweight. She is an excellent eater, loves all food but is not good at portion control and can eat a lot in one go if allowed. Shes never going to be the skinny bean her sister is.

I only fry the eggs, home made chips and home made chicken strips . I tried baking those instead but it didn't quite work tbh (due to the egg/batter) and she didn't like them as the texture and taste were all wrong. Everything else is in the oven.

Will she eat raw veg? Ds will happily eat raw carrots but cooked make him go quite green.

Really glad you're not going to weigh her, that's such terrible advice.

She's 12, she might shoot up a bit yet so don't worry too much. Cut out the rubbish at home and ditch sugary cereals,they really are awful.

Mainly because she doesn't actually like it, just doesn't mind it terribly. I've tried sending it for lunch during Covid as her school stopped all cooled meals so she had to have packed lunches. I also tried omelettes, wraps with chicken etc and most of them came back nearly untouched.

I know that missing a meal won't be the end of the world now, but I guess I also need to work on my own mind set of "at least she's eating ".

OP, I don't think this should be too difficult to fix. You are in quite a good position as you don't have to worry about her wasting away, but at the same time are acting before she is overweight. This doesn't need to be about weight, just improving health/ dental health.
The is quite a lot of overly processed, salty carbs available to her. If I were you, I would carry on with the meals, maybe trying to gently expand the veg count. Then if she gets hungry in between then she just has the option of healthier snacks (whole foods eg nuts, fruit). If she doesn't like it, then fine, she can wait until dinner. Sweets just on special occasions.

Maybe she has some sort of metabolic issue?

Or maybe it's just a phase?

She may drop all the weight by late teens.

What an excellent way to give a child (a child!) an eating disorder.

Do not do this!

Your offerings seem fine to me. She seems to be eating fairly normal?

many many kids don’t eat lots of fruit and veg are you sure she is overweight?

I mean how tall is she and how heavy is she?

Please OP if you take anything away from this thread please do NOT let it be this. This is almost exactly what my mother did to me at a very similar (or perhaps a few years younger) age. As an adult, I have never had a healthy relationship with food. Never.

Without knowing what I eat and how much, nor how much exercise I do, can you analyse my diet and help me lose weight?

Her diet doesnt sound too bad. The only thing i would cut out completely is the sugar free flavoured water. Those artifcial sweeteners are very bad for you, and actually mess up with insulin in a way that results in weight gain. ( I can't cite the whole science behind it, but that's sort of how i think it works)

Yes - I was just about to say the same - avoid anything with artificial sweetener. I am not a scientist but this is something I am interested in and there is more and more research indicating that artificial sweeteners have an impact on insulin levels and other processes in our body. I would suggest having some conversations about processed food etc and this may encourage her to cut out all the junk. And stop having it at home.

Food looks normal to me. Prob just the portions sizes too big. Cheese is very high cal so maybe reduce that

I'm really hoping it's just a phase , or that she's due a massive growth spurt soon. However if it's not, while we wait for it it'll be even later, she'll be even heavier and it'll be that much harder not just to do it, but do it in a way that's less obvious and intrusive. I'd rather not take that chance.

Jesus, and here I was worried I over shared and put TOO much detail.

I am not a parent - disclaimer added.

My partner has sensory issues and mainly just eats a few things that are beige but can really put them away (a frequent conversation is can you have seven sausage rolls and not eight tonight? OK that’s fine). Based on what he’s told me and my experience - I have alternated between anorexia and bulimia - maybe try to get her involved in sports that need a decent amount of energy but crucially without connecting it to food. Try not to put her on the path to yo-yo diets. Maybe make little deals like “you can have your potato smileys if you have one spoonful of carrot” or find a fruit or vegetable she really likes and let her know when she gets hungry she can have a snack on it. It’s also more important that she’s healthy than thin and you can be healthy and mildly overweight, and also the yo-yo cycle actually produces MORE weight gain overall.

Yes I think so. So starting today I'll just make less. I also beed to change my mindset on calorific foods. She always had lots of butter,cheese , full fat milk etc as it was an easy way to pack in calories when she was so dainty. Like I said , for most of her childhood,the kid veered from bottom range of healthy weight to underweight. At age 5 she could still wear some 2/3 clothes and they fit well.

But that's obviously not the case anymore. She changed, things changed and I need to change with them(and her diet alongside it or at least portions).

At 12 it is normal for girls to gain weight in preparation for puberty.

Honestly op don't worry or make an issue of this. Encourage a balanced diet and exercise and let your dd be.

Any weight loss massively increases her risk for developing an ED, it's just not worth it imo.

This is the worst advice ever.
You don't need to calorie count at all. Have good food in the house, and encourage listening to your body so you eat when you are hungry and stop when full. Maybe go for walks or swims together more often. She is 12! She needs to be bigger than she was because she does sports. If you look at female athletes they will all be at the top of normal or even overweight in bmi due to muscle.

Can you confirm her height and weight op?

That would help enormously

I have one child who needs feeding up so has full fat milk, I put cheese on stuff etc My other is top end of weight range and needs to watch it so semi skimmed for them.
DC1 not interested in food DC2 has no off button. Even when I make pancakes DC1 has a thicker one.. only way I can manage the two extremes

She's already had periods for a year.

Tbh, I don't want her to lose weight, just stay as she is as her height catches up if that makes sense. However it has slowly but consistently gone up , especially in this past year. I want her to maintain rather than lose, or if there's any loss it's about a couple of kgs rather than anything significant.

Hope that makes sense.

Can I ask, what is the rest of the family’s weight/diet like?

The foods you list are ok, better than undereating, but generally not great. Is she due a growth spurt?