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I need help with DD and her weight.

111 replies

PaperDoIIs · 14/01/2024 16:46

DD is 12 and while still in healthy range she is right at the top of it. It has been steadily going up, which wasn't too bad when she had several growth spurts a year but this seems to have stopped now.

She is incredibly fussy and always has been. She dropped her milk at 11 months, then slowly dropped foods until she ate nothing and we had to reintroduce everything,including toast. She was 3 when she first accepted pancakes. She never really felt hunger(she does now) so the whole she'll eat when hungry never worked.As a result of this she was always tiny, going from slightly underweight to bottom range of healthy. This was really stressful and upsetting and I really struggled. Hell, I still freak out sometimes if she stops eating when poorly as it brings it all back.

She did get better over the years , but her diet is still severely lacking in veg and healthier options. On the other side she also won't touch fizzy drinks, things like pizza,ham, sausage rolls etc.

So now I'm looking at her diet and ways to help without making too much of a fuss or forcing her to eat certain things. The only things I came up with are reducing portion sizes and reducing sweets. If anyone has any other ideas/suggestions or have a similar kid I would love to hear some advice.

I'm happy to share what she does eat/typical week menu if you think it will help. I know it's pretty crappy, which is my fault.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
whiteboardking · 14/01/2024 16:53

Problem is that no one really needs sweets. Empty calories. Both my DC age 12/13 do loads sport but sweets of any formal are are a rare treat

GenXisthebest · 14/01/2024 16:56

How active is she? I think that with adults, staying a healthy weight is mainly diet rather than exercise, but the same doesn't seem to be true for children IME - I think physical activity has more of an impact.

readingismycardio · 14/01/2024 16:56

So what is she eating? Is she exercising in any way?

whiteboardking · 14/01/2024 17:02

Is she eating a hot meal at school turn at home? How much exercise / walking?

SingsongSu · 14/01/2024 17:03

I would recommend buying veg, fruit and meat/fish, rice/pasta and just don’t have anything else in the house. No biscuits, cakes, sugary cereals, sugary drinks etc. I’d also agree with you to not make a fuss. Could you book a swim session for the both of you? Go on a bike ride? Just try things that would mean getting out and about and getting exercise.

PaperDoIIs · 14/01/2024 17:05

Activity wise she does netball and football(regularly),matches every now and then, swimming every now and then and 2 hours of PE at school. She was out and about all summer on foot or on her bike ,or on her trampoline but that all stopped once the weather changed. She walks to the bus station (10 mins) and back. Probably not enough I guess, but it's hard with longer days at secondary, commute and quite a lot of homework.

OP posts:
DGPP · 14/01/2024 17:07

We’re in the same boat. Reasonable amounts of exercise but loved food and big portions

Greendrinksbottle · 14/01/2024 17:18

Could she have Afrid ? Is it worth speaking to gp for a dietian referal (it's not just about calories but also nutrition)?
I have two with Afrid, and you could possibly look at treatments used and see if anything will help.

WineIsMyCarb · 14/01/2024 17:23

Gently OP, I think you known what the answer is. Find out uos much energy she needs per day using an online calendar, then subtract, say 300 cals.

Meal plan 2 breakfast options, 3 lunch options including what's accessible at school and 7 healthy evening meals. One snack per day at a time she fancies it (eg a 2 finger kit kat in the evening or a single Alice of jam toast when she gets in from school).

Weigh her weekly to track progress and offer treats such as cinema tickets for each mini goal met.

Join her and do exactly the same. Keep your language neutral or positive about the whole exercise.

Persevere for however long it takes.

You're teaching her a life skill. Managing one's weight is a life skill.

SadlyACupOfTeaDoesNotSolveEverything · 14/01/2024 17:27

I think if you tell us what foods she actually does eat it would help alongside a breakdown of an average days food.

Is it 2 hours of PE a week in the physical sense or two periods which for my DD is actually a maximum of 1 hours exercise?

SadlyACupOfTeaDoesNotSolveEverything · 14/01/2024 17:28

WineIsMyCarb · 14/01/2024 17:23

Gently OP, I think you known what the answer is. Find out uos much energy she needs per day using an online calendar, then subtract, say 300 cals.

Meal plan 2 breakfast options, 3 lunch options including what's accessible at school and 7 healthy evening meals. One snack per day at a time she fancies it (eg a 2 finger kit kat in the evening or a single Alice of jam toast when she gets in from school).

Weigh her weekly to track progress and offer treats such as cinema tickets for each mini goal met.

Join her and do exactly the same. Keep your language neutral or positive about the whole exercise.

Persevere for however long it takes.

You're teaching her a life skill. Managing one's weight is a life skill.

I would not be weighing my 12 year old weekly!

GenXisthebest · 14/01/2024 17:29

Don't weigh her weekly OP.

dontjudgemeagain · 14/01/2024 17:30

WineIsMyCarb · 14/01/2024 17:23

Gently OP, I think you known what the answer is. Find out uos much energy she needs per day using an online calendar, then subtract, say 300 cals.

Meal plan 2 breakfast options, 3 lunch options including what's accessible at school and 7 healthy evening meals. One snack per day at a time she fancies it (eg a 2 finger kit kat in the evening or a single Alice of jam toast when she gets in from school).

Weigh her weekly to track progress and offer treats such as cinema tickets for each mini goal met.

Join her and do exactly the same. Keep your language neutral or positive about the whole exercise.

Persevere for however long it takes.

You're teaching her a life skill. Managing one's weight is a life skill.

Please, please do not give your daughter treats for losing weight. My mum did this and I've never recovered my relationship with food.

PaperDoIIs · 14/01/2024 17:32

What she eats .

School days

Breakfast is cereal. I can look at trying healthier/sugar free things.

Lunch if packed lunch : cheese/jam sandwich or home made chicken strips(left over from dinner) some type of yogurt ,(frube,yollies,petit filous) , some type of fruit ( strawberries,watermelon,apple,pear,orange) and 5/6 salty pretzel sticks. That's in her box. Doesn't eat snack at school anymore. In her lunch bag she also has one choc pancake and a bag of hula hoops puft (mostly for emergencies or on club days). These don't always get eaten , sometimes they are still there at the end of the week, or she just ate half the bag of crisps. Same with lunch, sometimes she doesn't eat all of it. The sandwich will be half eaten, or untouched. Chicken left. I insisted she must eat her fruit and yogurt and as much as she can of her sandwich.

School meals : she'll eat the roast , fish, burgers,sausages or cheesy/plain pasta.

Dinners are always hot in winter. It's a variety of chicken pie,fish pie, eggs and chips, homemade chicken strips and mash, cheesy pasta, grilled pork and potatoes, chicken thighs and rice , the cheap plain rustlers burgers (we've tried many others and she doesn't like them- she also won't eat any of the sausages we tried at home), chicken burger/nuggets, battered fish and potato wedges,roast dinner, home made "pizza" which is basically dough,battered egg and a sprinkle of cheese. She likes most fruits.If we get take away it's chicken nuggets/popcorn and chips. Oh and she won't eat just any nuggets from anywhere.Every other week she has a bowl of soup(i can sneak in veg then) and a slice of toast. Any other veg will be carrots and cucumbers. That's about it really. In the summer as it's hot, dinners can be toast ,boiled eggs, cheese and cucumber. Nothing with tomato sauce or any sauces really. Nothing like ham,sausages,salamis.

At weekend breakfast can be toast and yogurt and fruit, or two waffles/pancakes or she'll just have cereal again. Doesn't eat an actual lunch but will snack on yogurt or fruit or bread sticks or a bag of crisps. Dinner similar to what I posted, I try to rotate them.

Plus the sweets I have mentioned and I'll stop buying. She's not a binger though(still has stuff from xmas) and takes her time with it/rations it, but she does eat it regularly even if small amounts. Other snacks are crisps,breadsticks, popcorn, pretzel sticks , savoury snacks mostly.

I know her diet is really crap , probably because I was so happy when she started eating more I didn't actually care what it was, just that she was eating. I also suspect my portion sizes might be very skewed as it was so reassuring to see her eat and enjoy it. Which is why it's the first thing I'm looking to change, especially with foods she really enjoys.

She would probably eat some more veg if i made it (like peas) but I'm not sure that's the way to go. In the soups I mentioned I normally put 1/2 small potatoes, chicken ,carrots,peppers and onions. She likes a bit of seasoning on her food , I mostly use salt ,pepper,thyme,garlic but some mixes (with paprika and other things as well).

OP posts:
Lizzieregina · 14/01/2024 17:35

For the love of all that is holy, don’t weigh her!!

How about including her in meal planning maybe under the guise that it might be good for all the family to be eating healthier. Ask her to input about healthier options and tell you her favourite fruits and veg etc so you can buy them.

And just stop buying excessive rubbish. Maybe enough for a small daily treat. But don’t make it an issue as it will be a battle you won’t be able to win.

PaperDoIIs · 14/01/2024 17:35

Weigh her weekly to track progress and offer treats such as cinema tickets for each mini goal met.

Sorry, but that will never happen. At least not coming from me.

In fact, that's mostly why I'm asking for advice, so I CAN make changes but ones that won't be necessarily too obvious or make her realise that's what I'm doing and that it's a problem/make her self conscious. Especially not when she's still technically a healthy weight.

OP posts:
PaperDoIIs · 14/01/2024 17:38

DGPP · 14/01/2024 17:07

We’re in the same boat. Reasonable amounts of exercise but loved food and big portions

How did it go with your kids? Are you doing anything about it?

OP posts:
GenXisthebest · 14/01/2024 17:38

Definitely not a jam sandwich for lunch. That's just unnecessary sugar!

PaperDoIIs · 14/01/2024 17:40

SadlyACupOfTeaDoesNotSolveEverything · 14/01/2024 17:27

I think if you tell us what foods she actually does eat it would help alongside a breakdown of an average days food.

Is it 2 hours of PE a week in the physical sense or two periods which for my DD is actually a maximum of 1 hours exercise?

PE is actual 2 hours PE. She gets all sweaty and knackered, even more so when she has club on the same day. She does enjoy it though as she is quite sporty (rugby,football, netball etc it's just dance she hates).. She used to do gymnastics too, but she quit that in favour of Science club.

OP posts:
buttercupcake · 14/01/2024 17:42

WineIsMyCarb · 14/01/2024 17:23

Gently OP, I think you known what the answer is. Find out uos much energy she needs per day using an online calendar, then subtract, say 300 cals.

Meal plan 2 breakfast options, 3 lunch options including what's accessible at school and 7 healthy evening meals. One snack per day at a time she fancies it (eg a 2 finger kit kat in the evening or a single Alice of jam toast when she gets in from school).

Weigh her weekly to track progress and offer treats such as cinema tickets for each mini goal met.

Join her and do exactly the same. Keep your language neutral or positive about the whole exercise.

Persevere for however long it takes.

You're teaching her a life skill. Managing one's weight is a life skill.

Do not do this. This is awful advice.

PaperDoIIs · 14/01/2024 17:43

Lizzieregina · 14/01/2024 17:35

For the love of all that is holy, don’t weigh her!!

How about including her in meal planning maybe under the guise that it might be good for all the family to be eating healthier. Ask her to input about healthier options and tell you her favourite fruits and veg etc so you can buy them.

And just stop buying excessive rubbish. Maybe enough for a small daily treat. But don’t make it an issue as it will be a battle you won’t be able to win.

I've always bought all kinds of fruit and she has free access to them. When she was little(the whole not eating phase) I used to console myself that at least she loves fruit.

Veg ... I've yet to find one she likes. The ones(all 3 of them ) she does eat she uhmm tolerates. She won't eat sweetcorn because it's too sweet. It makes no sense to me.

OP posts:
PaperDoIIs · 14/01/2024 17:45

GenXisthebest · 14/01/2024 17:38

Definitely not a jam sandwich for lunch. That's just unnecessary sugar!

It was easier at primary as she actually liked some form of the school dinners every day so I just paid for it rather than do packed lunches because of this. At secondary though it's max 2/3 days a week she'll eat some form of dinner and some of those are cheesy pasta which I'm not sure it's a much better option.

OP posts:
Fairylightfurore · 14/01/2024 17:48

I am also in the same boat op ( and also will not be weighing her or dieting with her all that is going to teach her is how to start an unhealthy relationship with food and the start of yo yo dieting for the rest of her life). I suspect with mine it's sweets and crisps etc on the way back from school and weekends now she's more independent. Really not sure what to do about that. If there's a good documentary suitable for young teens on it that may help.

Lizzieregina · 14/01/2024 17:50

From your posted menu, it does seem like it might be a portion issue. It doesn’t look awful.

Do you fry all these items (fish, chicken nuggets etc)? If so, maybe try air frying or baking. There’s a lot of fat there if it’s all fried.

And while I know it isn’t always easy due to time constraints, maybe encourage more activity.

craigth162 · 14/01/2024 17:52

If you can get veg in soup why not give more often? Especially at lunch time. Egg and chips etc is not particularly filling or nutritious.