I need help with DD and her weight.

[PaperDoIIs]

DD is 12 and while still in healthy range she is right at the top of it. It has been steadily going up, which wasn't too bad when she had several growth spurts a year but this seems to have stopped now.

She is incredibly fussy and always has been. She dropped her milk at 11 months, then slowly dropped foods until she ate nothing and we had to reintroduce everything,including toast. She was 3 when she first accepted pancakes. She never really felt hunger(she does now) so the whole she'll eat when hungry never worked.As a result of this she was always tiny, going from slightly underweight to bottom range of healthy. This was really stressful and upsetting and I really struggled. Hell, I still freak out sometimes if she stops eating when poorly as it brings it all back.

She did get better over the years , but her diet is still severely lacking in veg and healthier options. On the other side she also won't touch fizzy drinks, things like pizza,ham, sausage rolls etc.

So now I'm looking at her diet and ways to help without making too much of a fuss or forcing her to eat certain things. The only things I came up with are reducing portion sizes and reducing sweets. If anyone has any other ideas/suggestions or have a similar kid I would love to hear some advice.

I'm happy to share what she does eat/typical week menu if you think it will help. I know it's pretty crappy, which is my fault.

5ft at 12 doesn't seem short to me? My daughter is 13 and is probably 5"1. I'm 5ft5.5!

I think your DDs diet doesn't sound too bad. My daughter is far worse, extremely limited and I do suspect ARFID.

I think hearing this, knowing her height and that she has a long way to go in height yet, she doesnt eat huge amounts, is doing exercise

I wouldnt change anything apart from getting the variety in and focusing on better protein amounts if you can

Just keep an eye, thats all

is it worth explaining that you’re all going to be a little healthier (healthy plate with proportion of veg, protein, carbs) and take her to the supermarket where she can choose what as a family you can all eat.

also agree with the maintenance comment. She’s still growing.

No as she doesn't like veg. So ... it's half and half on average I guess? Sometimes it's more protein, sometimes more carbs.

She still has issues around food. One meal will be the best thing ever, and sometimes she'll barely touch it. The wedges I mentioned, she only likes the smaller ones, as the bigger ones don't cook the same and they don't taste good (various sizes in the bag). She doesn't like chunky chips(or most frozen chips) she likes the skinny ones i make at home. They changed the cheese in the jacket potato at school so she didn't eat that anymore. She only ate rice as "medicine" for an upset tummy, but now she's ok with eating it. It has to be the watery risotto style one not the dry one.Not all chicken nuggets are the same. Not all battered fish is the same and so on. Doesn't like any of the sausages we tried at hime throughout the years, but she eats the school ones and actually enjoys them. Her freaking adversity (used to be fear when little) to tomatoes and anything tomato based. Doesn't like sweetcorn because it's too sweet. I could go on and on... and this is her being a million times better. Can you imagine? Various stuff like that that doesn't even make sense to me sometimes and I've tried and am still trying to navigate and balance it all.

It sounds like she's a fit, active child with a decent diet (maybe a few more veg, but it's not horrific) who's in the midst of the wild body changes of puberty.

If she's doing less exercise in the winter than the summer, find a winter activity for her. It sounds like she's quite strong, which is a good reason to be a bit heavier. If she likes running around, have her run around.

Yes, probably stop encouraging her to eat when she's full; that's an old habit. And try to find a couple of vegetables that she'll eat, even if sometimes it gets thrown away.

But honestly, she seems on the whole pretty well! Not terribly much you need to do.

PS: I am very glad you didn't listen to the actually damaging advice to do weigh ins and cinema treats for losing weight. My god!

What does she actually look like? Two of mine always sat at the higher end of a bmi scale but it wasn't fat!

I actually think her diet is good for someone who once refused everything. Few tweaks here and there like the jam sandwiches but nothing major.

I'm 164cm fully grown and about 53kg which is considered the lower end of the scale. She's obviously still got a while to grow and if most of her growing goes into height rather weight she could end up bang in the middle of the scale.

I personally wouldn't bother weighing her again unless you're concerned visually.

I don't think it's ARFID as she weaned very well and it all went ok for a while and try/play / dip her fingers in everything . She used to suck on lemons ffs , through choice. When she dropped her milk I honestly wasn't worried as she was eating so well and 3 meals a day. Then she just started dropping foods one by one and never feeling hungry until she stopped nearly all foods. We had two horrific weeks with a bag of those baby cheesy puffs and an ice cream (it was summer ) a day. So I had to start all over again from scratch. Like I said, even toast. I remember the Christmas when she was 3 where all she 'd eat despite all the offerings (including sweet stuff ) was toast ,a cheese stick and a banana and that was progress. I also remember crying the first time she ate fish fingers and a couple of chips because it was the first time in ages she ate something resembling real food and then rushing to the supermarket to buy a couple of boxes.

It took years of trying, trial and error, cooking numerous and various things, offering again and again, keeping a feeding routine (which is how she finally started to feel hungry around 5/6) - even now, if she ever complains of hunger is around those times -, having her on school dinners rather than packed lunches (which thankfully it work and didn't backfire) and many many other things to get where we are now.

Tbh, I can't believe I'm now worried about the other side, never expected that.

I'd say she's quite a bit heavier than my age 13 DD who is similar height but slim and not really developed. But by about 8-9 kg so I can see why you think she's top end of where you'd like her to be. What size clothes is she in?
I'm involved in something where parents have to order kits etc and I always wonder when a parent orders an adult size kit for a 9/10 year old and says 'they aren't very slim'

12/13 -13/14 clothes , size 8 in adults (but the tops are a bit loose on her -which she actually likes). Waist wise, her PE skort is 28 in and leggings 28/30.

It's hard as we do buy things to last a while so slightly longer and she does like her stuff to be oversized .

A denim skirt from pretty little thing in size 6 , wouldn't even go past her bum.

So we're all over the place with sizes.

Last time my ave build DD was measured she was 150cm and 43kg. (She's weighed as part of a medical not by me).

@PaperDoIIs so not unusually big at all. Mind wears mainly age 12 prob or size 6

I stopped growing when I was 13 and I'm 5'2"

Well thats why I asked how tall mum and dad are, children usually are the same or slightly taller than their parents, so she will grow taller probably

I'd say based on the info, cut portions & calories a little. Up family exercise a bit if possible then just keep an eye on it. She can't be far off

A lot of kids look slightly Chunky at that age. If she’s not over eating then I Wouldn’t worry yet. My son was Chunky until he properly hit puberty at 16 and then he shot up and’evened out’. He’s 22 now and actually a bit on the too skinny side

Can you sneak some veg into a smoothie? I made a banana and peanut butter smoothie the other day for the family, snuck in some spinach and no one noticed (even though it was green lol, you couldn't taste it). Carrots are also good in a smoothie. You can get different recipes with veg and fruit mixed. Tastes lovely and your DD will be getting some vitamins into her.

I think this is very good advice. If you put her stats into the child BMI calculator she will be compared to girls who haven't started puberty. My understanding is the child charts compare the cohort. If she is taller than a lot of 12 year olds and has been having periods for a year you'd expect her to be at the higher end compared to a girl who is still years off starting her periods and is much shorter?

Fruit smoothies are terrible for the teeth though, better to eat it whole. Veg smoothies are fine though.

Op

Your daughter is only 8st at age 12 and a size 8. She is tall

I really cannot understand the worry. My own is almost 9st and I’d never ever think she was overweight - she’s a size 10.

I mean she’s not shaped like a stick she looks normal

Because one more kg and she'd actually be in the overweight category. Doesn't sound like a big deal(but 1 kg becomes another and so on) , but it could become one. It's a lot easier to make small changes now than later , and these changes are needed just as much for health as for weight.

I could do nothing and hope for the best , but that doesn't feel right.

Plus, through this thread I realised it's not just her with issues, I need to make some changed myself (my mindset).

Thank you everyone who commented and contributed. Thank you especially for the lack of judgement and putting up with the complete brain dump this thread was/is.

I've picked up quite a few bits to put in place and now I have a plan regarding both her diet and the way I see it/react to things.

So if she gains weight, she could be overweight? That's true of everyone!

With kindness, op, it does sound as if you're perhaps a little bit too fixated on her eating, both in terms of encouraging her to eat when she doesn't want to and now worrying she's eating too much. It might be easier for all of you if you stepped back a little and saw what happened when she could make her own choices- this is an ability she needs to develop for herself. Nothing wrong with having plenty of healthy food in the house, making it the focus of your family meals and cutting back on the amount of unhealthy stuff but I really wouldn't do more than that.

But your 1kg is based on an arbitrary scale that is skewed low because it was developed during rationing, based on a child not yet in puberty! Your girl has had periods for a year, wider hips and some boobs. If she is not even filling a size 8 top she's obviously not anywhere near overweight.

This is your following the book / scale issue, if you were to ask a Dr they don't just take bmi as a fact
They look at your build, your muscles, your parents height and build. You can't use it like that and say she'd be overweight in a kg as she objectively couldn't possibly be from your description.

If she was an adult then she'd have a BMI of 21.7. That's not overweight. Stop comparing her to other 12 year olds who haven't started puberty yet. You also said your daughter tends to have cereal for breakfast, no snacks, rarely has lunch and then has dinner. If you continue to tell your daughter she's fat and needs to be careful with her diet and keep weighing her then she'll end up developing anorexia or bulimia. I stopped growing at 13 and I'm 5'2" so think of her as having an adult's body (you said she's started her period and has breasts) and not a prepubescent child's.

Op

with all due respect your child is a size 8

she is supposed to gain weight and change shape so just allow that to continue - trying to keep her below an 8 is very alarming

at this age they typically eat much more than they will in a few years because they are growing into adults

even I would never check the charts as it’s common knowledge they are absolute rubbish

until recently the NHS used to encourage people to eat heaps of carbs to lose weight it’s madness and so is their weight chart