Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Children's health

Mumsnet doesn't verify the qualifications of users. If you have medical concerns, please consult a healthcare professional.

I need help with DD and her weight.

111 replies

PaperDoIIs · 14/01/2024 16:46

DD is 12 and while still in healthy range she is right at the top of it. It has been steadily going up, which wasn't too bad when she had several growth spurts a year but this seems to have stopped now.

She is incredibly fussy and always has been. She dropped her milk at 11 months, then slowly dropped foods until she ate nothing and we had to reintroduce everything,including toast. She was 3 when she first accepted pancakes. She never really felt hunger(she does now) so the whole she'll eat when hungry never worked.As a result of this she was always tiny, going from slightly underweight to bottom range of healthy. This was really stressful and upsetting and I really struggled. Hell, I still freak out sometimes if she stops eating when poorly as it brings it all back.

She did get better over the years , but her diet is still severely lacking in veg and healthier options. On the other side she also won't touch fizzy drinks, things like pizza,ham, sausage rolls etc.

So now I'm looking at her diet and ways to help without making too much of a fuss or forcing her to eat certain things. The only things I came up with are reducing portion sizes and reducing sweets. If anyone has any other ideas/suggestions or have a similar kid I would love to hear some advice.

I'm happy to share what she does eat/typical week menu if you think it will help. I know it's pretty crappy, which is my fault.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
MaloneMeadow · 14/01/2024 18:45

WineIsMyCarb · 14/01/2024 17:23

Gently OP, I think you known what the answer is. Find out uos much energy she needs per day using an online calendar, then subtract, say 300 cals.

Meal plan 2 breakfast options, 3 lunch options including what's accessible at school and 7 healthy evening meals. One snack per day at a time she fancies it (eg a 2 finger kit kat in the evening or a single Alice of jam toast when she gets in from school).

Weigh her weekly to track progress and offer treats such as cinema tickets for each mini goal met.

Join her and do exactly the same. Keep your language neutral or positive about the whole exercise.

Persevere for however long it takes.

You're teaching her a life skill. Managing one's weight is a life skill.

The only question this will answer is how to give your child an eating disorder in a few easy steps…

PaperDoIIs · 14/01/2024 18:45

Quitelikeit · 14/01/2024 18:39

Can you confirm her height and weight op?

That would help enormously

153 cms and 51 kgs.

That puts her in the top end of healthy weight. 88/89th centile? However, one kg more and she goes into overweight. Obviously not massively so, but I can see issues arising.

OP posts:
GenXisthebest · 14/01/2024 18:45

I think that as you've already mentioned, the first step may be changing your own mindset away from "thank goodness she's eating something". Does she sometimes leave food on her plate? What's your reaction to this? Make sure you're letting her regulate her own appetite.

soupfiend · 14/01/2024 18:50

She's very short, are you and her dad taller than this?

I assume she will simply grow into herself

I wouldnt worry too much, just keep trying to expand on a variety in her diet and fewer sweet/carby foods like jam sandwiches or sugary yoghurts/treats/things in batter etc

Its hard when she has a limited intake, try to look at the portion sizes but they might be ok, try to increase protein

Would she be into trying new types of protein such as tofu, lentils etc?

rosiepozis · 14/01/2024 18:50

How developed is she, OP? The percentiles is using the childs bmi, but if her body shape is more adult it might be worth putting it into the adult BMI calculator. I’m 156cm and 55kg (and been that size since a few years older than her) and my BMI is 22 or so. Not thin by any means, but not overweight. Since you say she’s already had her periods for a while, are you sure she hasn’t just got a more adult figure and is a fine weight?

PoinsettiaLives · 14/01/2024 18:51

Stop weighing her, focus on having more fruit and veg (as a family), fewer sweets and less processed stuff and being more active. Maybe stop having puddings if you do that regularly but it should be as a family, not just her or focused on her.

She’s not overweight and it’s quite normal for tweens to put on some weight before having a growth spurt and then stretching out again. The last thing she needs is to learn to fixate on weight and diets- can’t think of anything less likely to end up with her healthy and happy.

PaperDoIIs · 14/01/2024 18:53

GenXisthebest · 14/01/2024 18:45

I think that as you've already mentioned, the first step may be changing your own mindset away from "thank goodness she's eating something". Does she sometimes leave food on her plate? What's your reaction to this? Make sure you're letting her regulate her own appetite.

If it's something she really really likes she rarely leaves anything. Sometimes she even asks for seconds. If it's something that's just ok sometimes she leaves some but that's fine and I say ok, just put it in the bin/leave it on the side. I only comment if she barely touched something , for example she had the same burger and wedges she had for ages ,for some reason she didn't like it that time so only ate a quarter of the burger and 2 wedges. I asked to eat one more quarter of burger and 3 more wedges as it was her dinner and she hadn't eaten much that day. Should I stop this?

OP posts:
LapinR0se · 14/01/2024 18:55

Definitely stop encouraging her to have a bit more dinner or whatever until you think she has eaten “enough”.

soupfiend · 14/01/2024 18:56

It doesnt sound like she overeats OP so I would encourage eating still

Is she visibly at the top end of a healthy weight, does she look chunky or just right?

Im not sure there is a problem here really?

PaperDoIIs · 14/01/2024 18:57

soupfiend · 14/01/2024 18:50

She's very short, are you and her dad taller than this?

I assume she will simply grow into herself

I wouldnt worry too much, just keep trying to expand on a variety in her diet and fewer sweet/carby foods like jam sandwiches or sugary yoghurts/treats/things in batter etc

Its hard when she has a limited intake, try to look at the portion sizes but they might be ok, try to increase protein

Would she be into trying new types of protein such as tofu, lentils etc?

Is she? She seems fairly average amongst her friends(so not obviously shorter), but maybe she is. I'm 1.65 and dad is 1.67 so we're not particularly tall.

OP posts:
HateMyRubbishBoss · 14/01/2024 18:57

soupfiend · 14/01/2024 18:50

She's very short, are you and her dad taller than this?

I assume she will simply grow into herself

I wouldnt worry too much, just keep trying to expand on a variety in her diet and fewer sweet/carby foods like jam sandwiches or sugary yoghurts/treats/things in batter etc

Its hard when she has a limited intake, try to look at the portion sizes but they might be ok, try to increase protein

Would she be into trying new types of protein such as tofu, lentils etc?

How is she short? She’s 12 and 1.53!

GenXisthebest · 14/01/2024 18:58

Yes, I would stop doing that. Ask yourself why you're doing this? You know she's well nourished, in fact nudging overweight. It doesn't matter at all if she doesn't eat much some days, and you're sending the message that she should override her feelings of hunger / lack of hunger.

canttellyouwhereorwhatido · 14/01/2024 18:59

HOW MANY TIMES ??

Exercise does. NOT make you lose weight. !!

It is FANTASTIC for making you healthier .:

The ONLY THING that makes a weight loss is LESS INTAKE ..

Just look at how many miles you have to run to lose a lb !!!

PaperDoIIs · 14/01/2024 18:59

LapinR0se · 14/01/2024 18:55

Definitely stop encouraging her to have a bit more dinner or whatever until you think she has eaten “enough”.

Fair enough. Didn't think of that. Again , old habits. From the days when it literally was just one bite and "I'm full". I'm obviously very much part of the problem.

OP posts:
HateMyRubbishBoss · 14/01/2024 19:00

@PaperDoIIs perhaps avoid cereal where possible. If not too much trouble replace with eggs, sausages etx . Good protein will keep her going .

Did you mention she doesn’t drink milk? Usually “drinks” keep kids fuller. Perhaps look into a healthy protein shake for the evening.

also make sure she is not constipated cause it just won’t help

PaperDoIIs · 14/01/2024 19:03

soupfiend · 14/01/2024 18:56

It doesnt sound like she overeats OP so I would encourage eating still

Is she visibly at the top end of a healthy weight, does she look chunky or just right?

Im not sure there is a problem here really?

She slightly looks on the chunky side, she looked just right about 2 years, a year and a half ago. I probably sound like a right dick actually typing this, especially since it's not about looks, but it is what made think maybe we're going on the wrong path here.

OP posts:
Yayayyay · 14/01/2024 19:03

PaperDoIIs · 14/01/2024 17:32

What she eats .

School days

Breakfast is cereal. I can look at trying healthier/sugar free things.

Lunch if packed lunch : cheese/jam sandwich or home made chicken strips(left over from dinner) some type of yogurt ,(frube,yollies,petit filous) , some type of fruit ( strawberries,watermelon,apple,pear,orange) and 5/6 salty pretzel sticks. That's in her box. Doesn't eat snack at school anymore. In her lunch bag she also has one choc pancake and a bag of hula hoops puft (mostly for emergencies or on club days). These don't always get eaten , sometimes they are still there at the end of the week, or she just ate half the bag of crisps. Same with lunch, sometimes she doesn't eat all of it. The sandwich will be half eaten, or untouched. Chicken left. I insisted she must eat her fruit and yogurt and as much as she can of her sandwich.

School meals : she'll eat the roast , fish, burgers,sausages or cheesy/plain pasta.

Dinners are always hot in winter. It's a variety of chicken pie,fish pie, eggs and chips, homemade chicken strips and mash, cheesy pasta, grilled pork and potatoes, chicken thighs and rice , the cheap plain rustlers burgers (we've tried many others and she doesn't like them- she also won't eat any of the sausages we tried at home), chicken burger/nuggets, battered fish and potato wedges,roast dinner, home made "pizza" which is basically dough,battered egg and a sprinkle of cheese. She likes most fruits.If we get take away it's chicken nuggets/popcorn and chips. Oh and she won't eat just any nuggets from anywhere.Every other week she has a bowl of soup(i can sneak in veg then) and a slice of toast. Any other veg will be carrots and cucumbers. That's about it really. In the summer as it's hot, dinners can be toast ,boiled eggs, cheese and cucumber. Nothing with tomato sauce or any sauces really. Nothing like ham,sausages,salamis.

At weekend breakfast can be toast and yogurt and fruit, or two waffles/pancakes or she'll just have cereal again. Doesn't eat an actual lunch but will snack on yogurt or fruit or bread sticks or a bag of crisps. Dinner similar to what I posted, I try to rotate them.

Plus the sweets I have mentioned and I'll stop buying. She's not a binger though(still has stuff from xmas) and takes her time with it/rations it, but she does eat it regularly even if small amounts. Other snacks are crisps,breadsticks, popcorn, pretzel sticks , savoury snacks mostly.

I know her diet is really crap , probably because I was so happy when she started eating more I didn't actually care what it was, just that she was eating. I also suspect my portion sizes might be very skewed as it was so reassuring to see her eat and enjoy it. Which is why it's the first thing I'm looking to change, especially with foods she really enjoys.

She would probably eat some more veg if i made it (like peas) but I'm not sure that's the way to go. In the soups I mentioned I normally put 1/2 small potatoes, chicken ,carrots,peppers and onions. She likes a bit of seasoning on her food , I mostly use salt ,pepper,thyme,garlic but some mixes (with paprika and other things as well).

It doesn't seem like she eats much if she eats what you've listed. I eat a lot more than that but I'm underweight.

willingtolearn · 14/01/2024 19:03

She is a healthy weight.

She is growing and developing and her shape/height/weight will change in the next few years, not always in a linear fashion.

As a family you can promote good nutritional choices by buying real food and role modelling an active lifestyle.

She is at secondary school and will be subject to a whole world of influences around her about how she looks. She will also have access to a whole range of food if she has pocket money/lunch money.

Be a positive influence making sure she sees her body as something that will help her move, play sport and enjoy life, not something to hate.

Do not weigh her, do not suggest she needs to lose weight (she doesn't) and allow her to choose when she eats and when she is full - you get to keep food in the house that you are happy with and she picks the stuff she is okay with.

PaperDoIIs · 14/01/2024 19:05

rosiepozis · 14/01/2024 18:50

How developed is she, OP? The percentiles is using the childs bmi, but if her body shape is more adult it might be worth putting it into the adult BMI calculator. I’m 156cm and 55kg (and been that size since a few years older than her) and my BMI is 22 or so. Not thin by any means, but not overweight. Since you say she’s already had her periods for a while, are you sure she hasn’t just got a more adult figure and is a fine weight?

This is a tricky one. Chest is on the small side but definitely proper breasts. She wears a proper bra. She's quite hippy if you know what I mean. She has a visible waist and quite a nice shape. Sorry if that's not what you meant.

OP posts:
ApoodlecalledPenny · 14/01/2024 19:06

You’re absolutely right to think of it as maintaining weight while her height increases. And to not weigh her. That would be crazy!

Do you do a healthy plate style serving? Half the plate veg, one quarter carb, one quarter protein. If you’re giving more carbs or more protein you may be giving more calories than she needs.

melissasummerfield · 14/01/2024 19:06

I think you are hyper focused on this due to her undereating as a toddler / little girl. I have lots of friends with kids of a similar age ( as do I ) and i would bet that none of us know what centile they are on.

the diet you described sounds like a normal teenage diet to me, not many of them are mainlining carrots!

I would just relax, she will be fine.

WagWoofWalkMeeoow · 14/01/2024 19:10

WineIsMyCarb · 14/01/2024 17:23

Gently OP, I think you known what the answer is. Find out uos much energy she needs per day using an online calendar, then subtract, say 300 cals.

Meal plan 2 breakfast options, 3 lunch options including what's accessible at school and 7 healthy evening meals. One snack per day at a time she fancies it (eg a 2 finger kit kat in the evening or a single Alice of jam toast when she gets in from school).

Weigh her weekly to track progress and offer treats such as cinema tickets for each mini goal met.

Join her and do exactly the same. Keep your language neutral or positive about the whole exercise.

Persevere for however long it takes.

You're teaching her a life skill. Managing one's weight is a life skill.

@PaperDoIIs

fo NOT follow the advice of someone who eould weight her weekly & give her treats to reward her, unless you want a child with an Eating Disorder.

Bibbidybobbidyroo · 14/01/2024 19:10

WineIsMyCarb · 14/01/2024 17:23

Gently OP, I think you known what the answer is. Find out uos much energy she needs per day using an online calendar, then subtract, say 300 cals.

Meal plan 2 breakfast options, 3 lunch options including what's accessible at school and 7 healthy evening meals. One snack per day at a time she fancies it (eg a 2 finger kit kat in the evening or a single Alice of jam toast when she gets in from school).

Weigh her weekly to track progress and offer treats such as cinema tickets for each mini goal met.

Join her and do exactly the same. Keep your language neutral or positive about the whole exercise.

Persevere for however long it takes.

You're teaching her a life skill. Managing one's weight is a life skill.

Jesus Christ please do not start weighing her AT ALL

soupfiend · 14/01/2024 19:15

HateMyRubbishBoss · 14/01/2024 18:57

How is she short? She’s 12 and 1.53!

Presumably she isnt going to stay 5 foot is she!!!!

The average height of women in the UK is 5'4 or something around that

So she has a lot of growing to do

I dont mean she is short for her age, I mean she is short now, she will therefore grow taller

Having said that I was 5'5 when I was 11 and never grew anymore.

Wildhorses2244 · 14/01/2024 19:15

I don’t think that you need to do a lot, but just do it consistently.

Reduce the sweets and chocolates
Slightly reduce portions of things which you know are high calorie
Serve a veg with every meal even if she doesn’t always eat it

Id also say that a lot of us confuse hunger and thirst so if she’s asking for snacks give her a drink first then food.