Really at a loss

[Crazymumto1]

This is my first thread so please bear with me, I have been a long time lurker, I had one Ds who has started an independent pre school. Yesterday we were told they had some concerns about autistic traits he has. We were told he doesn’t speak there to them and say what he wants but he does at home.
He will tell us what he wants at home such as “daddy get juice”, he asks for playdoh, crayons, colours etc. When we are at home he will tell us he wants fish or pizza or chocolate or ice cream etc. They are saying he doesn’t look at them or respond to his name however at home he does, he will give really good eye contact never not give it.
He does sometimes ignore us if he wants. I am really worrying has anyone had experience of this and if so what did you do?

He has been Atleast a year in lock down and with no groups etc

I’m an early years teacher. Firstly, it’s way too early to be saying this to you BUT it’s not too early for them to notice and monitor. I would say speak to the HV as others as said as he sounds like he’s only beginning to speak in sentences at home. Is this because he can’t or because he has his needs met by saying a few words as you gave examples of in your OP?

Try not to fall into the trap of saying to the setting ‘He can’t because my sister/the cleaner etc’ says he’s fine. These are peoples opinions and to be fair to them, when asked, it isn’t easy to say a relatives child may need help.

Is he starting school in September? All children develop differently. It sounds like he has fantastic support at home. Accept any support offered to you and try not to worry.

Thanks for replying
I think you are right I spoke to them yesterday and they said he does say phrases so far but at home he is very very supported and she said he is improving so not to worry
she said it is far too early and he is doing very well and many of the behaviours have stopped
she did note that he also has just started pre school and is only 3 years 2 months
we have for a while noticed that we may baby him a little so we make him say what he wants etc
we will be keeping an eye on him and seeing how he gets on
sorry for the lack of capitals etc I’m on my phone

He has over a year and a half till he starts school, he has met all his milestones and as far as I am aware his speech is not behind
We have said we are more than happy to support whatever they need and ultimately just want what’s best for our DS, he won’t communicate in front of her but she saw he is fully capable in front of me when I went to pick it up
He spoke in a little sentence and pointed

I’ve noticed a surprising pattern with some children who have really supportive, involved parents and yet are needing more support than say some children who don’t have that same level of input at home. This appears to be due to these children having so much done for them that they don’t need to learn to speak clearly or listen to instructions as their parents are always ready to jump in and help them. I’m not saying you’re exactly like this but you may be like this without realising. I’ve also had conversations where parents say ‘No, that’s not right, x person always say they are a great talker/drawer/listener.’

He’s very young and it sounds like the Nursery are taking this on board and good that they’re going to monitor him and give him chance to settle. Hopefully the Nursery will do their best to be supportive.

Thanks
I think myself I have been a bit motherly to him but he is now starting to speak in little sentences, I also am told I am far too hard on myself as a parent. I always think I am not good enough, I didn’t have a good childhood and now am trying to make sure he doesn’t have issues like I do

Easier said than done but try not to be too hard on yourself. He’s got your love and support which is more than a lot of children have. He is still only very young, lots of time before school 😊

Thanks for your lovely words
Honestly most the time time I worry, question myself etc

Please listen to @DrRuthGalloway

i know you now want to ‘keep a close eye’ on him, but try not to step into the paranoid territory and see things that aren’t there. He sounds fine to me too

my 19 year old loved lining things up, played alongside others at that age. It’s perfectly normal.

Thank you honestly I can’t tell you all how much these comments mean to me
I had a really bad childhood and I just don’t want him to feel how we did as kids, my husband is very good, after having him I was diagnosed with a life long Illness and now he’s the only one I can have in honesty and I just worry so much all the time

Just an update
some behaviours they said have stopped and some are still there, the repetitive behaviours have stopped, his main issue is communicating and he is starting therapy next week.