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Really at a loss

86 replies

Crazymumto1 · 26/04/2022 08:32

This is my first thread so please bear with me, I have been a long time lurker, I had one Ds who has started an independent pre school. Yesterday we were told they had some concerns about autistic traits he has. We were told he doesn’t speak there to them and say what he wants but he does at home.
He will tell us what he wants at home such as “daddy get juice”, he asks for playdoh, crayons, colours etc. When we are at home he will tell us he wants fish or pizza or chocolate or ice cream etc. They are saying he doesn’t look at them or respond to his name however at home he does, he will give really good eye contact never not give it.
He does sometimes ignore us if he wants. I am really worrying has anyone had experience of this and if so what did you do?

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ClinkeyMonkey · 26/04/2022 09:58

Oh my God, sorry for the multiple posts! Don't know what happened. What I have to say isn't THAT pressing!!

Crazymumto1 · 26/04/2022 10:00

Thanks everyone, we are going to continue working with them and see how he gets on with his time there, I keep reminding myself he has only been there over a week and he is not used to anything like this. He will take time and even if he is he is our beautiful boy who is so very loved and wanted

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Crazymumto1 · 26/04/2022 10:00

Thanks everyone, we are going to continue working with them and see how he gets on with his time there, I keep reminding myself he has only been there over a week and he is not used to anything like this. He will take time and even if he is he is our beautiful boy who is so very loved and wanted

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LIZS · 26/04/2022 10:04

Crazymumto1 · 26/04/2022 09:37

Can he be fine at home and not at school? Would he not avoid eye contact everywhere?

Yes he could and vice versa, but don't jump to any conclusions while he is so young. Autism is just one of many conditions which present as they describe, he may yet become more confident and be fine, or further traits could become apparent. Why is he at that setting though, Spanish seems a bit ott!

LIZS · 26/04/2022 10:04

Crazymumto1 · 26/04/2022 09:37

Can he be fine at home and not at school? Would he not avoid eye contact everywhere?

Yes he could and vice versa, but don't jump to any conclusions while he is so young. Autism is just one of many conditions which present as they describe, he may yet become more confident and be fine, or further traits could become apparent. Why is he at that setting though, Spanish seems a bit ott!

LIZS · 26/04/2022 10:04

Crazymumto1 · 26/04/2022 09:37

Can he be fine at home and not at school? Would he not avoid eye contact everywhere?

Yes he could and vice versa, but don't jump to any conclusions while he is so young. Autism is just one of many conditions which present as they describe, he may yet become more confident and be fine, or further traits could become apparent. Why is he at that setting though, Spanish seems a bit ott!

Crazymumto1 · 26/04/2022 10:16

He is there because it is the best in our area, they have a lot of children who love it, I’ve just rung and he seems to be fine now

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Crazymumto1 · 26/04/2022 10:16

He is there because it is the best in our area, they have a lot of children who love it, I’ve just rung and he seems to be fine now

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ClinkeyMonkey · 26/04/2022 10:17

Crazymumto1 · 26/04/2022 10:00

Thanks everyone, we are going to continue working with them and see how he gets on with his time there, I keep reminding myself he has only been there over a week and he is not used to anything like this. He will take time and even if he is he is our beautiful boy who is so very loved and wanted

Good grief, one week! I think it's a bit early for pre school staff to be jumping to any conclusions.

Crazymumto1 · 26/04/2022 10:29

He went one week then it was two weeks holiday than another week

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Crazymumto1 · 26/04/2022 10:29

He went one week then it was two weeks holiday than another week

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Crazymumto1 · 26/04/2022 10:33

He went pre Easter for a week and then two weeks off and then he has been back for a week
he is also the smallest one there

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Crazymumto1 · 26/04/2022 10:33

He went pre Easter for a week and then two weeks off and then he has been back for a week
he is also the smallest one there

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Rainallnight · 26/04/2022 11:06

Two weeks and they’re complaining he hasn’t got the hang of Spanish yet?!

Crazymumto1 · 26/04/2022 11:07

That he doesn’t say what he wants and he is not looking at them and some repetitive behaviours

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LIZS · 26/04/2022 11:10

"The best" may not be the best for him though. Is it full time?

Crazymumto1 · 26/04/2022 11:50

No he only goes half days at the minute
it is an inclusive place and I have seen the others and I believe this is a appropriate setting for him

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Crazymumto1 · 26/04/2022 12:09

I am wondering if confidence coaching sessions would help him

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LIZS · 26/04/2022 12:18

I really would not think he needs such intervention yet. Give him a chance to settle, say until half term, then ask for a review with the staff. What support are they giving him?

Rainallnight · 26/04/2022 12:18

OP, he’s only 3, and in a very new environment. He’ll just need some time to settle in. I don’t think confidence coaching sessions for three year olds are a thing.

ClinkeyMonkey · 26/04/2022 12:25

Honestly, try not to worry or take it to heart. He is so little. His confidence will develop with familiarity in the pre school setting and then you'll be in a better position to take a step back and see if anything needs looked at in more detail.

PritiPatelsMaker · 26/04/2022 12:31

I am wondering if confidence coaching sessions would help him

I wouldn't bother with this personally.

For now I'd get in touch with the HV abs do the MChat test as mentioned upthread.

I'd also do this progress checker for his speech.

Crazymumto1 · 26/04/2022 13:19

Thanks very much for the link
we have just spoken to the teacher again and she saw first hand him talking in a sentence and pointing which she said she has now seen
we believe it maybe a confidence issue and I have contacted the hv also incase it is extra additional needs and even if it is he is our special boy and we will make him strive with hard work and dedication

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DrRuthGalloway · 26/04/2022 17:30

Sorry but this whole situation is making me cross with the setting.
This is a little boy who is just 3. Almost his whole life has been in lockdowns so he hasn't had the same opportunities for socialisation as children his age pre covid, or children his age who attended a setting as keyworker children, for example. On top of that he has been 2 weeks in this setting. 2 weeks!

In addition, they are extrapolating from very little. Lining up items is not in itself a red flag for autism. It's part of typical toddler play schema. It would be a concern if all his play involved organisation of items, or if he became excessively distressed if someone (adult) joins his play, tries to develop it, or interferes with the schema (eg adding an extra duck to the end).

I was going to suggest you consider selective mutism, but he wouldn't even meet criteria for that if he's only been in setting 2 weeks. It's not unusual for children to need a good half a term to settle in, especially so post covid.

So, cutting a long story short, I don't think this setting has a reasonable understanding of child development or any insight into children post covid, and that makes me dubious of its "best in the area" status. Do you mean highest scores in SATS? Because to be honest if you have a child inclined to anxiety, a setting that is more child focused, nurturing, and less pacy and academically focused might well be a better fit.

25 years in educational psychology in case you are wondering my credentials.

DrRuthGalloway · 26/04/2022 17:32

See "positioning schema"

www.onehundredtoys.com/blogs/news/understanding-schema-play-in-toddlers