8 week old hasn't stopped crying

[SpideyMom]

Hi

I am not sure this is the correct place to post this but I am asking on behalf of a friend.

She gave birth 8 weeks ago and he daughter hasn't stopped crying since. Almost turning purple. Every waking moment aside from feeding she is screaming. She cannot be consoled.

Both parents are showing signs of depression now. All doctors and health visitors etc tell them she is fine. That they can't find any thing wrong. But she cannot be comforted or soothed.

We all thought colic but doctors are adamant it isn't.

We are all really worried now. Can it really be the case that there is nothing wrong? You can hear her screaming up the road and she just gets louder and louder it's so sad for all of them. But if course we would all be absolutely devastated if something was actually wrong.

I don't think there is anymore you can do
Sounds like they are happy with having a screaming baby because if they weren't they would do something about it. Maybe that's what the family member was trying to say ....clumsily...when they implied they were bad parents.

And maybe that's what you'll have to do, to preserve your own sanity. Take a step back and if they moan to you, then say that they can't be that bothered as they won't try other options. Put it nicer then that though!! I have lost my tact over the years

'she's just a crier' should be a diagnosis of exclusion, surely, only after all possible causes have been ruled out, not the first one you jump to, and cling to in the teeth of all opposite evidence. If Calpol soothes her, but needs to be topped up then she is definitely in pain.

I think this issue of caring about their image as good parents may be hindering, but may also be the key. Because they are NOT being good parents if they are disregarding the evidence of their own eyes and ears and leaving her to suffer. As things stand, however unconsciously, they are putting their own need to look good ahead of her need to be healthy and pain free. This is not what good, competent parents do.

They need to somehow put their big boy/girl pants on, find their inner Mama/Papa Bear, and protect their child by insisting on a (totally risk free!) trial of hypoallergenic formula, or at the least a paed appointment.

They need to get out of child mode, and into adult mode. This is about transitioning to parenthood.

I don't know how you would manage to get any of that across without causing offence, though.

It's lovely that you care so much, Spidey.

Sorry, that wasn't entirely clear. I meant their attitude could be key if it could somehow be shown to them that people would think they are shit parents if they don't pursue this until it's resolved.

Its because my own son is the apple of my eye. Its a privilege to raise him and be his voice. I have always said it is my job to speak up for him. His health wasn’t always the best. If I would have listened to Doctors I dread to think how bad things could have gotten for him, but I have done everything in my power to ensure he is happy and comfortable. His a fantastic, happy schoolboy now. For me I would rather be an annoying ‘worrying’ Mom than just accept what someone says because they are qualified. Gut instinct and real life tells us a lot.

I am super grateful for everyone's comments.

Hopefully I will get to see them soon in which case I need to say something. I obviously wont go in with what I feel is best immediately, I want to get a feel for things first and take it from there.

The milk is a HUGE problem for me. Absolutely not willing to even give it a try as they say it will mess up her digestion. I think it could probably f*ing help it!

Sorry but their lack of willingness is pissing me off. I love them to death but come on, they don’t come first anymore

Sounds just like my daughter. Feeding or screaming was all she’d do. She was a rubbish sleeper too. I went actually insane.
Could of been reflux/colic/CMPA. We tried everything, nothing realllllly improved anything. We couldn’t go in the car and she never used the pram bassinet attachment. She just screamed. A sling and a brisk walk (with head phones!) was the only thing that helped. I was so desperate, the GP fobbed me off with the ‘anxious first time mum’ thing. She’s 14 months now, things gradually improved with age, walking REALLY helped.
No one ever held her as a newborn as she just screamed at all our visitors. She didn’t gain weight, never had ‘newborn snuggles’, she was ether on my boob or screaming in my face. It was actually the saddest/hardest time of my life.
Genuinely think she’ll be an only child.

good point @PonderingPanda im definitely willing to make the comment you want all the advice in the world but arent willing to try one thing as you have to run it by the doctor first

@Fefifoefum oh sweetie :-( they too have already said there will be no more.
How are you feeling?

@Tolleshunt we are so on the same page :-)

My son was like this from the moment he was born, midwifes werent concerned in the hospital just use to take him off me and try and calm him down.
When we got him home he was arching his back and lifting his legs up so signs of colic. I got some infacol and it worked a treat.
My daughter had reflux but she didn't cry with this she just used to sleep alot and when she was sick it was curdled she was sick alot projectile vomiting. So I took her to the doctor's and they put her on lactose free milk and infant gaviscon we had no problems after that only she wasn't gaining weight despite feeding every 2 and a half hours. So when she got 2 4 months we were told to wean early by the health visitors and she was fine.

I'm not sure why the doctor's arnt listening to the mum as a crying baby who crys like that isn't normal.
She could even be hungry despite feeding slot you can get the milk for babies who have a big apletite maybe she could try this.

Yes, I know! Really weird them saying that about her digestion - it's already likely screwed up, else why is she screaming?! How could things get worse? What could be more important than stopping the pain?

Lots of luck to you. You are doing the right thing, even though it must feel hard to keep pushing. Sounds like you have been there and got the t-shirt with your DS, done all the right things and got to a good outcome entirely off your own bat and with little professional help. Quite why they won't listen to you, with your experience, is baffling.

Can they see a private paediatrician who will have more time?

"Her mouth is always open with her tongue out."

Has her muscle tone been checked?
If emergency caesarean was she born floppy or completely fine?

I don't think private will be affordable for them unfortunately.

Yes it is. I couldn't think how to say it without sounding like a horrible person. Her mouth is always wide open, and her tongue out licking. I don't remember my son doing it but I'm sure other babies do?

I don't know too much about the birth just that she was over 2 weeks overdue and took 3 days to be delivered. I don't think either her or mom should have been allowed to go that long if at all. She was told her pelvis is too small so baby would likely struggle. She did and was pretty much trying to push her through a space she wasn't able to. So delivery ended up in am emergency c section

Fefifoefum Ours is an only too for the same reason. I know what you mean about the saddest/hardest time. The first year of my child's life was the worst year of mine. You've done so well to survive it, because that's all we can do really.

How do you mean exactly? Is her tongue moving like looking for food?
Or lolling floppy?
Can she hold her head up?
Is she putting on weight?
Smiling?

It sounds like cows milk protein allergy . Does the baby have a gurgly tummy? They get desperate to eat to relieve the gnawing pain. You need to be on an amino acid milk. Neocaye or nutramigen puramino. Both are nearly 40 for 400gtin. Do not use goat or similar nor sofas they all have very similar protein structures and are all likely to cause the same reaction. There's a first line milk the cheapest for CMPA called similac alimentum ( it stinks and has specific making instructions) you could try to buy a can. There are always cans being given away on local baby groups when people find its not the besg milk for their child. Obviously they will be sealed. I'm attachingvthis link. You need to go back to the doctor. You are entitled to insist on a referral. Diagnosis should be made on symptoms but can be done by blood test. CMPA can be dangerous. My baby stopped breathing 3 times from it.
Meanwhile try changing to a hungry baby milk like hipp ready made. Because it contains alginates it's thicker in baby's tummy so it slightly less irritating although doesn't actually solve the problem. Health visitors are useless on this paediatric a and e was my best shot.as soon as the baby stops gaining weight at the same rate use this as a reason to go crazy.

<a class="break-all" href="https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=www.neneccg.nhs.uk/resources/uploads/files/Infant%2520Formula%2520Prescribing%2520Guidelines.pdf&ved=2ahUKEwjGksz1usniAhW1WxUIHcSXA5UQFjAAegQIARAB&usg=AOvVaw0qDu-hm_ei-cBcBuY17np-" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=www.neneccg.nhs.uk/resources/uploads/files/Infant%2520Formula%2520Prescribing%2520Guidelines.pdf&ved=2ahUKEwjGksz1usniAhW1WxUIHcSXA5UQFjAAegQIARAB&usg=AOvVaw0qDu-hm_ei-cBcBuY17np-

Hiya

Just thought I would fill you all in. They finally got given some milk to try on prescription. I'm not sure which one though. The difference since she has been on it has apparently been phenomenonal. They say every day she is become more settled. They feel like they can finally start bonding with her and enjoying each others company.
The HV has also booked her on a course of massage as she feels she will benefit too.

I'm so pleased and relieved

Silent reflux, I'd bet my bottom dollar on it. 2 of my DDs had it. We tried gaviscon and ranitidine with limited results. What really changed things was getting Carobel powder. You just mix a little bit with some breast milk (or formula) and feed it off a spoon before feeds. The baby will lick it from the teaspoon.

Then, when you feed, the Carobel thickens the contents of the tummy and that prevents it refluxing up.

It's a life-changing thing. It can be prescribed, but it's in the 'non-drug supplements' section of the BNF. You can also buy it directly from pharmacies. They may have to order it in.

Read <a class="break-all" href="https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=www.ruh.nhs.uk/patients/services/clinical_depts/paediatrics/documents/patient_info/PAE010_Gastro_oesophageal_reflux_in_Babies.pdf&ved=2ahUKEwjN17_Y8triAhU87uAKHbTkCD4QFjAJegQIAhAB&usg=AOvVaw0NYMfssri5raPs_8xiph9n" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">this leaflet - it gives good tips about reflux and suggests Carobel, too.

@SpideyMom how are they doing, OP? So glad they finally tried the different milk. Hopefully it has Carrie don improving?