Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Children's health

Mumsnet doesn't verify the qualifications of users. If you have medical concerns, please consult a healthcare professional.

13 year olds being given the morning after pill by walk in clinics

117 replies

newtoallofthis8 · 28/10/2016 08:03

I am a new stepmum (of 4 years stepping into the breach of a family who has an alcoholic mother) and my OH and I were shocked to learn that our 13yr old had had a teenage pregnancy (early stages) and been given the morning after pill which discharged the foetus. As she is in the care of CAMHs, the local walk in centre contacted them to report this. Her counselor only deemed it necessary to contact us this week, 3 months after the incident and reported that D13 was now on the Child Sexual Exploitation register. We were horrified by the circumstances of how the pregnancy occurred and the distress that D13 had experienced in the subsequent months. D13 had been working with her counsellor who then felt it necessary to contact us. We had been dealing with some very painful issues since May when D13 attempted suicide. This recent disclosure made us realise that everyone else knew about what had happened to D13 but US! As parents we were left out of the loop and this week left to deal with the terrible fall out when we were told. We were robbed of the opportunity to support our daughter at the time she really needed it. It robbed us of the understanding of what was causing her many months of anguish, disrupted schooling, fights with her siblings, dysfunctional relationships with her friends to name a few of the challenges we have had to deal with since August (pregnancy which we didn't know about) and from May (suicide attempt which we handled at the time).

My question to Mumsnet is it immoral that current legislation allows children to obtain the morning after pill and the contraception pill without the parents being told? I know the government sees this as a quick fix for reducing teenage pregnancies, but by not informing parents it dis-empowers them of their role to support, educate and care for their children. In my mind. this is just wrong.

Anyone else feel the same? If so do could a petition to the UK government be started?

OP posts:
WomanWithAltitude · 29/10/2016 13:42

It's not just schools - parents should be educating kids too. If you are for real, you seriously (and urgently) need to educate yourself and then try and pass what you learn on to your daughters, as frankly I dread to think what kind of sex ed they've been getting at home.

FaintlyHopeful · 29/10/2016 13:42

Please stop referring to her 'alcoholic mother'. I really, really hope you don't say that in front of your stepdaughter.

PortiaCastis · 29/10/2016 13:43

I've got a teenage dd and don't know if she has a diary and I don't care because we communicate

SpeakNoWords · 29/10/2016 14:05

At some point, you also need to speak to DD16 about many aspects of this. Arranging the meeting with these boys is obviously not on, and thinking that AIDS must be the cause of your DD13's sickness is a very large leap of misunderstanding. At age 16 it looks like she also needs more information about how STIs work. Don't rely on school to provide the necessary information, it's there as a catch all for children who get no information from their families.

I'm also a bit surprised that you've told DD13 to stop taking the contraception she was given. If she is capable of making such really poor choices about sex, then surely she ought to be on contraception? Could you offer some advice about how to remember to take a pill e.g. Set a phone alarm, take it first thing in the morning etc.

wtffgs · 29/10/2016 14:25

I would be gutted if my DD need the MAP and felt she couldn't tell me. However, I absolutely want her to have access to these services and respect her right to confidentiality. She is 11, has been with CAMHS for 4 years and leads a 'troubled' existence, despite my support. This scenario is definitely not beyond the realms of possibility. Sad

You've said you want to interfere & judge support SD but you don't sound like you like her much. Poor kid!

AGruffaloCrumble · 29/10/2016 16:09

As if someone wanted a woman they've known for four years to have a diary of their periods Hmm

user1477427207 · 29/10/2016 16:11

good grief if I had suggested to my own ~DD that I diarise her periods she would have run away screaming!
This all sounds way off the mark.

newtoallofthis8 · 29/10/2016 17:48

Please read my previous posts - the girls ASKED ME TO KEEP A NOTE OF THEIR PERIODS not the other way around!.

OP posts:
user1477427207 · 29/10/2016 17:52

really I find that hard to believe, that is what I meant with the comment about my daughter.
I would not have asked my SM to do this in 100 years.

newtoallofthis8 · 29/10/2016 18:00

From FaintlyHopeful "Please stop referring to her 'alcoholic mother'. I really, really hope you don't say that in front of your stepdaughter."

All three kids refer themselves to the fact that their mother is alcoholic. The have been witnessing their mother drinking every day since they were able to understand what she was doing. She has refused all help from professionals, friends and even her own children to stop drinking. My OH and I prefer refer to their mother in front of the kids as having an illness. Particularly after she has been particularly vicious to them.

Also SpeakNoWords - "I'm also a bit surprised that you've told DD13 to stop taking the contraception she was given."
Again you have not read my post earlier. D13 told me she was unhappy with being on the pill as she was bleeding every day and she decided that she wanted to stop. We then discussed it and I said that she knew if she changed her mind she could go back to the clinic and discuss it with the sexual health nurse.

There is a lot of misreading in these posts....

OP posts:
newtoallofthis8 · 29/10/2016 18:06

Hi user1477427207 well believe it or not that's what happened!

OP posts:
newtoallofthis8 · 29/10/2016 18:11

Hi wtffgs
On the contrary I love her very much and fight her case many times when she has made a request to my OH and been declined. We have lots of DMCs so I guess I was surprised that she couldn't confide in me re the sex issue. It was to me that she came to say she had taken 30 paracetamol and wanted to kill herself and it was me who acted immediately to get her to A&E. I love her very much and the world would be a much sadder place without her in it.

OP posts:
PortiaCastis · 29/10/2016 18:13

Have a read of this

www.nhs.uk/Livewell/Sexandyoungpeople/Pages/Willtheytellmyparents.aspx

SpeakNoWords · 29/10/2016 18:13

I read your post. It came across like you were agreeing with her that she should stop taking the pill rather than you trying to help her take it properly. "Between us we have decided that she will stop taking it" is the part I'm referring to. It sounds like you think she should stop taking it.

Given her previous decisions it seems to me that it might be better for her to keep taking it.

user1474627704 · 29/10/2016 18:16

You want to start a petition to the government to ban things you don't remotely understand?

Your utter nonsense about going to a clinic and getting a morning after pill for a confirmed pregnancy is ridiculous. Which was it, a MAP or an abortion? You'd think the people telling you all this would have known the difference, even if you don't.

If any of this is true, which is doubtful, I suggest you update your own sex ed before you criticise the teenagers. Sounds like they know more than you about it all.

newtoallofthis8 · 29/10/2016 18:21

singing off from this now post now and my grateful thanks to you all for your very useful and kind comments.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page