13 year olds being given the morning after pill by walk in clinics

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I am a new stepmum (of 4 years stepping into the breach of a family who has an alcoholic mother) and my OH and I were shocked to learn that our 13yr old had had a teenage pregnancy (early stages) and been given the morning after pill which discharged the foetus. As she is in the care of CAMHs, the local walk in centre contacted them to report this. Her counselor only deemed it necessary to contact us this week, 3 months after the incident and reported that D13 was now on the Child Sexual Exploitation register. We were horrified by the circumstances of how the pregnancy occurred and the distress that D13 had experienced in the subsequent months. D13 had been working with her counsellor who then felt it necessary to contact us. We had been dealing with some very painful issues since May when D13 attempted suicide. This recent disclosure made us realise that everyone else knew about what had happened to D13 but US! As parents we were left out of the loop and this week left to deal with the terrible fall out when we were told. We were robbed of the opportunity to support our daughter at the time she really needed it. It robbed us of the understanding of what was causing her many months of anguish, disrupted schooling, fights with her siblings, dysfunctional relationships with her friends to name a few of the challenges we have had to deal with since August (pregnancy which we didn't know about) and from May (suicide attempt which we handled at the time).

My question to Mumsnet is it immoral that current legislation allows children to obtain the morning after pill and the contraception pill without the parents being told? I know the government sees this as a quick fix for reducing teenage pregnancies, but by not informing parents it dis-empowers them of their role to support, educate and care for their children. In my mind. this is just wrong.

Anyone else feel the same? If so do could a petition to the UK government be started?

Statutory rape is not a crime in the uk. Unlawful sexual activity with a child is the offence, children under 13 cannot consent in law, 13-15 year olds can consent under some circumstances, where there is age parity and no power imbalance generally.

There is also no such thing as the 'child sexual exploitation register'. Maybe you mean she is on a child protection plan due to sexual exploitation?

No child should make such a life long decision themselves. 13 year olds can even go for a check up to the dentist without their parents.
The map is abortative , it prevents implantation not conception.

Poldarks that is incorrect 13-15 year olds cannot consent. The law may decide not to prosecute as not in " public interest" but they can't consent.

The MAP may be abortive, if an egg has actually been fertilised, but it definitely doesn't "discharge the foetus" as it is meant for use in the first 72 hours after unprotected sex so no foetus will exist at that stage.

Thank you everyone for your very supportive and informative help.

D13 took the morning after pill 7 days after intercourse with two boys - one age 15 and the other 17. She was then given the contraceptive pill to take ongoing. She was assessed and put on the CSE register. Don't you think is information that parents should know at the time rather than when it came out via a consultation with the counsellor 3 months later?
I do agree that it was sensible she attended the clinic but it was her sister who took her thinking that the reason she was being continuously sick was because she had AIDS! I am not sure that D13 would have known how to find the clinic herself. D16 was complicit in the introduction of the boys and now also has to deal with the fall out of her sisters lost of her virginity and her pregnancy which was confirmed by the clinic. (but after your comments on the action of the morning after pill, I am wondering now if the pregnancy was confirmed!)

Yes I wholly agree that girls should be able to approach health professionals for the pills and I agree we would not wish to put any distressed children off seeking help. It is a vital resource and I am grateful for the Gillick case. However in circumstances such as ours its not just a teenager making a slip or the usual teenage experimentation it was sexual molestation of a minor and in these circumstances we felt we should have been told, She is still getting counselling from CAMHS from when she attempted suicide and we are waiting now for family counselling. We are her sole guardians and all three children live with us full time as her father has sole custody since his separation from their alcoholic mother.

I think that in certain circumstances parents should be told so that the child is not left carrying the intense emotional burden of their situation.

My partner and I are sound and provide a very stable home for all three children but we are still and will continue to deal with the fall out of the chaotic years when their mother lived with them. The children do talk to us but have trust issues around parents based on their earlier upbringing and fears that phones will be confiscated, parties cancelled etc - typical teenage stuff really.

I am very grateful for all the services that are provided but sometimes its helpful if the dots are joined up by all parties concerned.

OP I think the issue is that you should have been told she was at risk of exploitation not that she had the morning after pill.

In the nicest possible way, you also sound confused about how that pill works so I would ensure you understand it before talking to her.

However there is an urgent issue now with both the 13 and 16 year olds to get them properly informed and looked after, the16 year old arranging the sex sessions is a massive problem as is her lack of knowledge thinking it was AIDS. Does she have SN.

I feel for you.

You do not get 'continuously sick' for the seven days after conception.

The MAP does not 'dislodge a foetus'.

There is no such thing as a 'child sexual exploitation register' . Do you mean the CPR? in which case this would have been decided at a meeting to which you and your husband would have been invited to.

Apologies for the derail - thanks Six.

I'm sorry, it doesn't add up. A pregnancy couldn't be confirmed 7days after intercourse, morning sickness wouldn't have started 7 days after intercourse, the MAP would only be used up to 72 hours after intercourse.

The information you are being given is fundamentally flawed.

It's not about you.

She will have been encouraged to tell you st every stage. Her counsellor will have gone over options, e.g. write a letter, etc. The fact that she didn't tell you suggests she didn't want your involvement, as is her right.

I don't think you need to know the cause of the distress in order to help the distress. Knowing would have made you feel more in the loop but shouldn't have changed your behaviour.

If you feel it would have changed your behaviour ask yourself why. Why is her distress not enough of itself for your support - why you do you feel you need to have checked and validated her reasons.

It's not about your assessment of what happened to her and how she should feel. It's not about you.

(I was raped and sexually abused as a teen and had extensive mental health involvement and attempted suicide, so I'm talking from that perspective. God it pissed me off when people, including my parents, wanted to know why I was having problems. The why was mine, my experience, my secret to keep if I wanted, and the kind of people who felt they needed to know were generally crap with the actual help that I needed anyway).

Sorry--none of that makes sense.

You don't sound very informed of how concept and the pill etc actually works.

You can get a map up to 5 days now (I checked as it's been many years since I last used one) but agree there are some gaps in the story and I also don't think a 16 year old girl should be held 'complicit'

Absolutely none of this makes sense.
Did you get this information from your DSD or the authorities? There is no way of confirming a pregnancy 7 days after sex, for starters... And they wouldn't give her the MAP then. It isn't effective

None of this makes any sense. If she was being sick then it wasn't due to pregnancy as it would take more than 7 dats for morning sickness and more than 7 days for a positive pregnancy test. The MAP would not be given if sex was 7 days earlier as it wouldn't be effective. Nor could they give an abortion pill after 7 days as you can't confirm pregnancy that early.

There isn't a sexual exploitation register but some areas do compile lists of children they believe to be at risk of exploitation and they distribute the list among relevant agencies.

I think bertrands suspicions might be right. It is hard to believe a grown adult responsible for teenagers could be so ill informed.

Poor girl. I'm glad she hasn't had to also deal with pregnancy, birth or later abortion at such a young age though.

If I'm wrong then I am very sorry. But there are groups that are committed to overruling Gillick competency. And I think that would be an utter disaster.

Re reading the last two paras - the petition as well - am inclined to agree.

My question to Mumsnet is it immoral that current legislation allows children to obtain the morning after pill and the contraception pill without the parents being told?

Who decides what is moral?

Had I become pregnant at any stage when I was living at home I would not have been given the option of MAP or an abortion, I would have been forced to continue an unwanted pregnancy regardless of how young I was and the circumstances of the pregnancy.

That is because my RC parents think abortion/MAP is evil and that I would be better off going through pregnancy as a child rather than being a murderer (in their eyes).

Sometimes children need to be protected from those who claim to love them most. Sometimes they should be allowed to make decisions about their own bodies.

Also - she's known you four years.

She probably knew telling her dad = telling you. And maybe she didn't want you to know.

Maybe she can tell how you feel about her mother. And wants you to fuck off with judging her life.

Who knows? Just a thought.

D16 was complicit in the introduction of the boys and now also has to deal with the fall out of her sisters lost of her virginity and her pregnancy which was confirmed by the clinic

Don't blame this on her sister,she probably feels bad enough as it is!

It takes around 6-11days from conception for implantation to occur. Keep in mind they conception can happen as late as 3 days after sex. HCG starts off in very little quantities and doubles only every 48-72 hours so It would take a few days more to get a positive test or show any symptoms of pregnancy.

Your post is so flawed it's unreal.

How odd.