13 year olds being given the morning after pill by walk in clinics

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I am a new stepmum (of 4 years stepping into the breach of a family who has an alcoholic mother) and my OH and I were shocked to learn that our 13yr old had had a teenage pregnancy (early stages) and been given the morning after pill which discharged the foetus. As she is in the care of CAMHs, the local walk in centre contacted them to report this. Her counselor only deemed it necessary to contact us this week, 3 months after the incident and reported that D13 was now on the Child Sexual Exploitation register. We were horrified by the circumstances of how the pregnancy occurred and the distress that D13 had experienced in the subsequent months. D13 had been working with her counsellor who then felt it necessary to contact us. We had been dealing with some very painful issues since May when D13 attempted suicide. This recent disclosure made us realise that everyone else knew about what had happened to D13 but US! As parents we were left out of the loop and this week left to deal with the terrible fall out when we were told. We were robbed of the opportunity to support our daughter at the time she really needed it. It robbed us of the understanding of what was causing her many months of anguish, disrupted schooling, fights with her siblings, dysfunctional relationships with her friends to name a few of the challenges we have had to deal with since August (pregnancy which we didn't know about) and from May (suicide attempt which we handled at the time).

My question to Mumsnet is it immoral that current legislation allows children to obtain the morning after pill and the contraception pill without the parents being told? I know the government sees this as a quick fix for reducing teenage pregnancies, but by not informing parents it dis-empowers them of their role to support, educate and care for their children. In my mind. this is just wrong.

Anyone else feel the same? If so do could a petition to the UK government be started?

In fact, if your daughter is under the impression that she was pregnant and there was a foetus and the MAP aborted it, then she deserves a full and accurate explanation of what actually happened.

If your stepdaughter took the map she wasn't pregnant.

I would be more concerned that your 13 year old was having sex, got into difficulty and couldn't tell you.

pottering, dont be concerned that the teenager felt she couldnt tell her step mother and her father. She had at least Someone to tell. It is natural.

Very sorry about your SD's problems.

YABU to refer to the MAP in that way. And there are good reasons why parents aren't automatically told about this kind of stuff.

It would take the judgement of Solomon to make the call whether to inform parents in most situations where a 13 yo needs the map. It can't be automatic. It's not key but FYI the map prevents implantation and so is very different from an abortion. But still, so sad and so difficult for you all.

If it was my daughter I'd be gutted she couldn't come to me but glad she had someone to go to that helped her.

I agree with other posters, I'm afraid. Your dsd is entitled to confidentiality as she is 'Gillick competent'.

Have either you or her father been able to have a conversation with her about the circumstances of the pregnancy etc?

Having worked with teenagers going through troubled times I am really glad that they can seek contraception and the MAP if they need to without needing to tell their parents. Many 13 year olds are sexually active despite it being illegal and I am damn happy that they can access medication to prevent unwanted pregnancy. Without being able to access contraception in confidence the teenagers would still have sex and then have to deal with the more traumatic event of pregnancy and possible abortion. A 13 year old body might not be able to sustain a pregnancy without irreparable damage to the teenage body so just be thankful that they can get the MAP of they need to. And the MAP does not expel a foetus. The MAP can only prevent pregnancy if taken within 72 hours of unprotected sex and there would not be a foetus at that stage of conception had occurred. I think the best thing you can do is support your step daughter. Respect the fact that she was mature enough to take steps to prevent pregnancy. Reassure her that there would not have been a baby at the time she took the MAP as she has prevented a pregnancy. Then support her in making sensible contraception choices in the future.

OP, I do feel for you and your partner and can understand why you're upset.

At the same time, it is absolutely right that the clinic was able to treat your SD and keep her confidence. Try to consider the alternatives. She clearly wasn't able/ready to tell you directly- not necessarily for any bad reasons, she may have been trying to protect you. But if she couldn't access medical care without you being told, would she have done so? Or would she have kept her head down and hoped it would all go away until it was too late? Or worse?

OP, you might want to start another post in either step parenting or children's mental health about how you can best support your dsd. That's the issue now.

Your poor SD, she has an alcoholic mother, made a suicide attempt and has been raped. Please try and focus on her and not get sidetracked with anger at the clinic - they did exactly the right thing.

Agree with all PPs about Gillick competence.

Absolutely not. Girls must be able to access MAP and termination services without parental involvement. If the girls feel they can ask their parents for support then of course they will do so.

ritchy did OP say her SD had been raped? If she has been under 13 then it is Statutory rape but she was already 13 so that law doesn't apply. Do we know if she consented to sex with a same age boy? Maybe I issues something in what OP wrote?

Not issues - missed something!

We were horrified by the circumstances of how the pregnancy occurred and the distress that D13 had experienced in the subsequent months
Doesn't say she was raped bit suggests she had a pretty shit time of it.

That poor girl, she needs love and support. You need to explain the MAP wouldnt have done that to her. At the delicate age of 13 I wouls also be finding out who slept with her so you could handle future situations better.

I'm sorry for what your daughter is going through but if she had the morning after pill she did not have a "teen pregnancy" - she was prevented from getting pregnant. It's very different and important that the right term is used.

Better emergency contraception than a termination or an unwanted child, surely?

If a 13 year old is Gillick competent then parents don't need to be informed although most will be encouraged to tell them. I used to issue contraception and pregnancy tests to young people as part of the c card scheme and I refused a 13 year old condoms once as I was not satisfied she was Gillick competent. It was a hard decision because obviously, better to have contraception than a pregnancy or an sti, but I genuinely did not belive she had the capacity to consent either to sex or medical decisions. It was an entirely shit situation.

Wow what a shock this all must have been. Your poor dd.

I realise it must have been terrible to find out what happened however I agree that it's vital that people feel able to access medical treatment without having to stress about parents finding out.

The alternative is far worse.

Please try and see it from the side of a scared teenage girl rather than as a parent.

So sorry fir everything she's gone through

It doesn't say she was raped but i interpreted 'horrifying circumstances', 13 years old and child sexual exploitation register as meaning that. I now re read it and am not so sure. Many apologies for leaping to that conclusion. Either way we are not talking about a girl who has not had a healthy sexual relationship with a peer.

Apologies OP as well.

I also thought statutory rape was up to 13 years old - is it twelve?

Where are you getting the MAP dislodged the feotus information from OP? It doesn't seem like your DD has said any of this but her counsellor? That is simply not true. The MAP prevents a pregnancy from happening. A pill (actually I think it's two?) to dislodge a feotus would be a medical abortion and would not be given until after a scan to check how far along the pregnancy was. The appointments involved would take time to arrange, it's not a walk in clinic job. I would be concerned about a counsellor making a mistake like that. If the way this incident came about was traumatic for the DD then the last thing she needs is to be led to believe that she aborted a baby that never actually existed.

I have similar aged children and understand what you mean by wanting to support but the needs and wants of the girl has to override parents' desire to support. At the end of the day, she is the one who's pg and had sex under horrifying circumstances and it is right that she gets free access to contraception and final say.

to all of you. They think that they are adults at 13, but they still young.

ritchy stat rape is up to 13 but not including 13. So a child of 12 years and 364 days would be included but not a child who has just turned 13. I do agree that from what OP wrote it os uncertain as to whether her SD was raped or groomed or whether a much older person was involved (due to the exploitation) but the whole thing about the MAP is so inaccurate that I was trying not to jump to conclusions. Some of the teenagers I used to work with were on the sexual exploitation watch and whilst some of them were being groomed by much older men. Some of them were just engaging in risky behaviours with same age peers and responding to peer pressure (from both sexes) and some were not sexually active but we registered them as potential for exploitation because they were going missing overnight on a regular basis and that alone puts them at risk of all sorts.

I also agree that the Gillick competence criteria should stand. Bear in mind that there will be cases where a family member, possibly even the father, is having sex with the child. Requiring parents to be informed would cut off an important route for accessing help. In your SD's case it sounds like appropriate safeguarding measures kicked in, so its not as if the clinic was handing out the MAP without due regard to your SD's vulnerability.

Different circumstances (no safeguarding issues), but a young adult in my extended family confided in me about a troubling matter but asked me not to disclose it to their parents. I encouraged them to talk to their parents (did not feel able to), seek counselling (which they did) and provided ongoing support. The parents were complaining to me about the young adult acting out & were being very harsh & judgemental. I kept gently suggesting that perhaps there was something more going on & advising them to sit down with the YA to talk to them - as far as I felt I could go without breaking the confidence. It took ages for it to come out & the parents were then very angry with me for not breaking the confidence & telling them. What can you do? I think it is really important that YA have safe adults they can turn to for support.