Intimate hygiene in girls

[cleanandfresh]

Yeah I know crap title and I apologise in advance for "twee" terms BUT I am genuinely a bit confused about cleaning my little girl's "bits" (and I am calling them bits for brevity's sake rather than getting into labia major and minoria etc...)

So my girl is nearly 3 and she has a bath before bedtime most nights (except Fridays). I know that soap is not a good thing for the intimate regions so I don't get her to soap there but do remind her to "swish her twinkle" (yeah shoot me!) along with swishing her tummy and legs etc.

I have noticed these past few days that she has white, creamy deposits in the folds and around the top of her clitoral hood and wondered whether I should be trying to wash these away. She's been ferreting around this area occasionally and has said "look it's creamy" but it doesn't seem to bother her. The other day she was pretending to be a baby and have her nappy changed so I took the opportunity to get some cotton wool and try to really clean in this area but she really didn't like me doing it and I must admit it didn't feel right.

I guess I worry about thrush but I don't think it is and then I worry about messing about where I should just leave well alone. But then I worry about being too coy and maybe I should be actively encouraging her to "clean" there a bit more. I know on Mumsnet there is a small sector that think any female scent or secretions should be disinfected away and I don't want to fall into that trap - but I do want to keep my daughter healthy and instill a healthy, positive attitude towards her genitalia. I always use the words beautiful and fresh in relation to her body as in my own childhood I was very much given a negative impression of that area of my body.

Mothers of girls please help me out here

This is pure VaginaPhobia to me.

Insert the word 'boy' where 'girl' is, and the work 'penis' where 'vagina' is - this post would have had about 9 replies, all of them reassuring and functional.

The work 'cunt' is considered unsayable. The word 'knob' is the sort of thing you would hear in a rather genteel country pub after 9 pm. VaginaPhobia again.

Sorry, I haven't read all of the posts, but some people on here are absolutely obnoxious.

Why would asking about this make you a "pervy old bloke"? It's a very normal and pertinent question to post on this sort of forum.

Some people really need to wind their necks in and take their grubby little minds elsewhere.

colditz- it would be 'vulva' not 'vagina' in this case

It really was about the way the OP was worded, not about the essence of the query- but I said it so many times above, perhaps there's no point to repeat myself. That, coupled with the time of the OP I think was what rung the alarm bells.

There's plenty of posts asking questions pertaining to children's personal hygiene/ sexuality/built of their sex organs etc etc on MN- and they don't get the response the OP got here.

Again, OP, I apologise and I will think twice in the future before voicing my suspicions.

in repeating myself, that is

and build, not built
time to go to bed, I think

I wasn't going to add to this but I feel I must.

I often read mumsnet late at night, when most people are sleeping. Over the last 4 years of night feeds I've read quite a few dodgy threads that get deleted way before most people get to see them. The common thread is that they usually go into a fair bit of detail and invite others to share stories and experiences.

Just after my first son was born, I posted to ask for help with breastfeeding. I received a CAT (my first, I was thrilled) from another mumsnetter offering support. I emailed her back, eagerly. Her next email was odd, can't put my finger on it but it felt wrong, so sent back a bland reply, not wishing to offend but didn't want to engage. The next email back was odder, wanted to know all about the physical process of breastfeeding in a way that just didn't ring true. I searched her other posts and found that they all, neatly without exception, encouraged new mothers and lone mothers to contact her off-board.

Fast-forward a few years and I signed up to facebook. I uploaded my gmail account and up popped the email address of that mumsnetter. Except, she is actually a he called Simon. So, I think in her case I can definitely say he was dodgy as hell.

I tell you all this because this is the context in which I read a late night post, which provide way too much detail than is needed, from a poster I don't recognise. Additionally, this poster doesn't use the generally accepted DD shorthand for daughter. But you've all agreed that her post is fine, so I won't linger on it, but in the late night it just felt a little wrong.

By the way, I don't see "perves" as you lot put it, around every corner. I don't get hysterical about things, generally.

So, I raised a metaphorical eyebrow and typed a flippant response. Note that the word troll was not used. In fact, without going back through the whole, tiresome thread, the only hysterical name-calling came from poster after poster who piled on to ridicule those of us who though the OP dodgy.

The thread would have died a death yonks ago if it wasn't for the Salem villagers piling in calling for apologies, moaning about troll-hunters and generally being A Bit Pious. Incidentally, it was pretty quiet when CatherineMumsnet posted. I'm not quite sure why you think she vindicated your POV, I thought her fairly ambiguous on the matter, personally.

OP, I'm sorry you didn't get the responses you wanted. I hope that you won't feel ashamed in future when asking for advice.

Yes, naughty, naughty people being shocked at the way op was treated... Tsk! if only they'd shut the fuck up and let the op be painted as a pervert then all this unseemly wrangling could have been avoided

llarregub - if you had ended your last post after the 6th paragraph I would have said thank you for that apology. You obviously had a dodgy experience there that really burnt you and I can see how it would make someone more suspicious.

But you're not really apologising at all are you?

Not really. Particularly as I've just been sworn at.

i think you will find it was your non-apology that prompted me to swear, rather than the other way around.

Cleanandfresh didn't swear at you.

I think llarregub was explaining how she came to perceive your OP as a bit suspicious.

I think it's valid to underline this, as many people here seem to say that we all ganged up on you because you asked for help with washing your DD's vulva- which was not the case, at all.

I still maintain that I have never seen a post worded like that in my almost 2 years on MN. It has NOTHING to do with using proper terminology.

I've never shouted troll. I don't see perverts on every corner. I am not wary of calling body parts their proper names.

You explained that you have issues with expressing yourself about things pertaining to your body. Fine, that explains the tone of the OP and your subsequent posts.

So while I am sorry that you were upset- it would be good if you could just accept that we had a reason to be wary, as well.

in fact, rather than let you use my post as a smokescreen for your own shortcomings, i'm reposting it now and will ask for the one with the f-word to be removed.

AitchTwoOh Sun 21-Nov-10 23:36:32

what an absolutely ... extraordinary response, llaggerub.

i cannot BELIEVE how dignified cleanandfresh is being about this.

winnybella, she doesn't even believe MNHQ is saying that she is innocent, that was rather more than 'look here's why i thought what i thought and a thousand apologies'.

c&f, for the record, i have seen gazillions of posts worded like yours, i had no idea what they were talking about the other night and i still don't.

I think for someone who represents mumsnet when writing the weekly round-up, you can be extraordinarily nasty.

OP, I do think you have been dignified in your responses and I am sorry if you have been hurt by this. I am sorry, too, that my opinion has differed to others. But, in a way my opinion is what it is, just like Aitch has hers.

oh really? as nasty as calling someone a paedophile? do you think?

I didn't call anyone that.

Step away from the thread, Aitch, your hold on the moral high ground is slipping rapidly.

In fact, those of us who have been back have tried to explain our view point. You've led a rather rabid pack of witch-hunters though, who've sworn and been abusive. I've not seen that from many others, including the OP.

I'm off to see to my DS now.

"But, in a way my opinion is what it is, just like Aitch has hers."

btw what does that mean? you do know that troll-hunting is barred on here. you are entitled to have suspicions, esp given what you experienced, but if you had suspicions then you just take them to MNHQ and they would have told you that it was a regular who had name-changed.

but then you are not happy with that explanation, as you said you do not feel that it vindicates cleanandfresh.

thanks for the advice, bruxeur, but this is a simple matter. troll-hunting is not allowed, this entire thread should never have covered any more ground than 'soap or not soap'. i say no to soap, personally.

Fuck me, what a shambles. Am glad it was resolved but I am stunned that there are people who think a mother can be over interested in the cleanliness of their 3yo's genitalia . My nearly 3yo is just out of nappies. She can take herself to the toilet etc. But she's nowhere near old enough to be left to her own devices where her hygiene is concerned and when putting her nappy on at night I will have a brief glimpse to make sure she's clean. She's still a baby ffs. Are people really suggesting that parents should be wary of putting cream etc and cleaning their child's genitals? That is more strange than pretty much anything else on this thread.

If it's that simple, and you feel that your hat is a white one, you should probably moderate your tone.

Rockbird- no one is saying that. Did you read the whole thread?

I say soap, personally, but a gentle one.