Autumn Term at the Chalet School

[Vintagejazz]

Just starting a new thread here as I can't spot a new one.

So my lambs feel free to keep spreading the hanes, but watch the slang!

Gosh, mummy's just written a letter to the 'Lady' magazine:

Dear Agony Aunt

Am I being unreasonable to be absolutely furious that my lovely daughter Vintage has been passed over, once again, for a part in her school's nativity play. She is so talented and beautiful and well behaved and would make a wonderful Angel. However, as usual, all of the roles have gone to children of the Board of Trustees. Half of them cannot even act, and none of them are as talented as my Vintage.
Would I be unreasonable to telephone the Head Mistress and give her a peace of my mind?

Yours sincerely

Hortense Jazz (Mrs)

Dear Hortense,
Am I right in thinking that one of the board of trustees is an author with the initials JMB? In that case you are being totally unreasonable. Of course no other child in the school can be as beautiful, talented in anything and absolutely wonderful in every way. In fact I suspect she was the model for Mary Poppins.
I suggest you go and think heavily about this before you do your usual evening prayers-the sin of envy is obviously great in your life.
I do sympathise with you not having an offspring as wonderful as JMB's but if you just watch them, I'm sure your heart will be uplifted by merely being in their presence.

Love Agony Aunt

PS. Next time your daughter comes home could she bring an autograph of said author for me?

Actually I have a cunning plan. I am going to hang around Mrs Maynard and keep calling her Auntie Joey. Hopefully she will just assume that I'm some waif and stray she adopted years ago and had forgotten about and I will be in with a shout of a speaking part next year. Not a main part obviously as I have the wrong surname, but maybe a minor angel or something.

I just hope mummy and daddy don't ruin it by turning up on parents' evening and recognising me immediately and knowing exactly what age I am

Ah Vintage is that you I can see being brought back to the school in Uncle Jack's bath-chair / tricycle contraption? Auntie Madge says Jo's not to be worried just now as she'll have her hands very full soon. :(

Girls attention please.
It has come to my notice that some of you have been complaining to each other, and indeed to your parents, that there has been favouritism in the awarding of roles in the nativity play.
I am very surprised that you would think this and have no idea who has spread such an unpleasant rumour. However, in order to shut you all up put your minds at rest, Mrs Maynard has agreed under protest to include some extra parts in the script.
So those of you who showed promise have the most awkward parents will now be taking the following roles:

Nell - Mary's best friend
Cheddar - Joseph's Brother in Law
DeWee, Vintage, Rue & The Body - Angels 3,4,5 and 6
Elisaveta - Sean the naughty sheep
EmilyAlice - A dancing star.

Thank you.

Three cheers for Mrs Maynard!

Thank you Nell.

Now I want to hear no more talk bloody parents on the phone about the play.

Also I will stress yet again that should any girl be caught loitering around the Summerhouse yes I'm looking at you vintage they will immediately lose their part and be relegated to selling raffle tickets.

Jolly good show. Gosh, an angel. Mummy will be pleased. All that sucking up to Mrs Maynard must have worked. I hope my wings will be as big as Robin's.

Nobodys wings can be as big as mine. Please remember that I am the one whos rendering of the Red Sarafan brought Joey back from the brink of death. So the fact that she was able to save anyone else was down to me!

Don't forget to give Madge some credit for going for a hair wash, Robin.

Oh Anners (we actually used to be allowed to call the mistresses by names like that at my school), how did you know I was a ballet dancer? I will borrow my GD's pointe shoes and practise my pirouettes and grandes jetées.
A dancing star! May I wear my golden tutu?

I'm angel number 3!
Must be my lovely golden curls.

Miss Annersley didn't look too happy at being called that EmilyAlice. I could see her measuring you up for a palm tree costume in her mind.

I have silvery curls and dainty features and eyes like pansies. If it wasn't for that summerhouse business I would be wearing the no 3 halo.

Noooo not a palm tree. I have written my own choreography...
Coupée, chassée, pas de bourrée, la, la, la, twirls to the golden notes of the (forty year old, mother of eleven) chorister.

Oh I love the nativity play. It brings up so much beautiful emotion. Already it has brought tears to some people's eyes.

What does Mary's best friend actually do?

What does Mary's best friend actually do? although I think it's the wrong Mary...

Angel number 5, eh? That'll be on account of my mousy brown hair and lack of curls, I imagine

Maybe it's a singing role Nell. You might get to do a chorus of That's What Friends Are For or something. I'm sure Mrs Maynard has some super ideas. I've suggested that us Angels might sing The Wind Beneath my Wings.

We could sing "How do you solve a problem like Mary (a)". Obviously the answer was marry her off...

I'm surprised that you haven't suggested Robbie Williams Angels Vintage. I do hope they let us sing Wind beneath my Wings (that should set at least half the audience in tears)

Well Miss Annersley was in tears when she heard, so that's a good start

Oh, I am still missed out. I must get my mum to write in asap.....

I'm so sorry hels. Because you've been so nice and quiet lately, unlike some other pupils I forgot to tell you that you are the narrator please don't write to you're mum I can't bear to listen to another lecture about the bettanymaynardrussell blighters

Sean the Naughty Sheep? How simply ripping. I will make a tophole sheep. I am allowed to improvise in the manger scene, yes?